I don’t know what emotion comes over me at that. I feel a little bit of pride because this was always her hope for me, I just fucking wish she remembered how important this game was to us.
I guess, on some level, she does considering it seems to spark something in her. More accurately, I wish I could experience it with her fully.
“Stop making that face. Hell, you’re not even going to make it home before you seal your fate on this deal.”
“Okay, excuse me for not jumping up and down.” I exhale. “Can’t you just give me the tiniest bit of grace, please? I get updates through text and phone calls. Sometimes I might look sad because, guess what, I’m fucking sad that my mom is going through this and you’re here alone dealing with it.”
Dad’s mouth opens with what I’m sure is an argument, but I’m not done. Hell, so much for being cool, calm, and collected.
“I get that I’m providing all the treatment and care. I know that I’m doing what I can, but feeling sad about the situation doesn’t make me lose this bet. I’m happy with my career. I have great friends, and hobbies. But, yeah, I’m still sad about what’s happening, and that’s okay!”
Dad huffs. “First off, I’m not ‘dealing’ with it all. I get to take care of your mom. It’s a fucking privilege.”
That one hits. Hits hard.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”
He nods but holds his hand up. “Second, you’re right. You are allowed to be sad. I get it, I’m sad too. But you’re lying to yourself if you think you’re the same happy kid your mom and I raised.”
The argument that I am, in fact, not a kid anymore hangs on the tip of my tongue, but I know that’s not how he means it.
Deep down, I knew convincing him I’m doing fine was going to be an uphill battle with all the time we spend apart now.
“You know I’m allowed to change, right?”
He sighs, scratching at his chin again. “Yeah, then maybe you need to show me that the change isn’t eating you alive. From where I’m looking, you’re letting this consume you.”
Chapter 7
Jensen
It’s been a week from hell, but a hell that pays. I even dropped off my rent check a few days early to be a little bitchy about it. As if this raise didn’t nearly knock me on my ass.
My back and feet may be killing me, but at least I made it work. I’ve looked thoroughly through my lease agreement, and unless I want to pay the next three months’ rent up front then I’m stuck here until the end of January.
I’ll most definitely continue my search of finding a new place, and hopefully Tally will find a new hyperfixation and leave me the fuck alone so I can actually start tattooing.
With today being my one and only day off, I fall onto the back of my bed. My eyes fall shut for a few seconds before all forty-plus pounds of Dottie climbs on top of me to snuggle.
I chuckle, scratching behind her ears. “I know. I’ve missed you too. All this work sucks, but I swear it’s short-term.”
Dottie paws at my chest. “Ow, come on now, what’s that for?” I get a whiny grumble from her, and I know what she wants. A run.
“Dottie,” I groan.
If I could sink deeper into this mattress I would. With me still not getting up, she lets out a bark. Ugh, she’s right. I’m punishing her by not taking her out.
“Alright, you win.”
With the small lift of my head, Dottie jumps off me and starts turning circles until it gets so out of control that she runs into one of the kitchen chairs.
I snort a laugh and pat her head. “I get it, you’re excited. I know I’ve been slacking, but let’s calm down.”
Throwing on my fleece workout set and running shoes, Dottie’s excitement starts up again, but she does her best to contain it—she knows I won’t fight her on the leash.
As I click it on, she loses it, turning circles again in full force. Bless her, I really need to make sure I stay on top of her runs. I pull out my phone to record her joy as my reminder, but the moment I stop, my thumb clicks on the share button and before it even registers, I’ve sent the video to Beck.
Shit. Shit. Shit.Why is it when I’m exhausted I always slip up with him?
