Tears fall silently down her cheeks and she sputters a small laugh. “I can’t call you my stalker ever again.”
“Please, never stop. Jensen, I want you to call me everything. I want you to call me on my bullshit. Call when you need me, and just call me yours. I want our back-and-forth. I want to fight with you. I want to apologize with you. I want you. I’m sorry I left the way I did. I wish I could go back and change what I did, but I know I can’t. I can’t undo the pain I’ve caused you and I’m so sorry.”
Jensen’s shoulders fall a bit as she takes a small step to me. “Beck, it’s okay” she whispers, but I hold up my hand.
“Don’t make any excuses for me. After the night we had, it was unfair to do that to you. The only thing I can say is that I swear it will be the last time. Jen, I don’t want to spend a day of my life without you. I love you. I love you so much that those words don’t even do it justice. You’re the part of my soul I swear I threw away when I was mourning. I want to be the man my mother raised me to be, andfuckif I don’t want to be that man for you.”
I don’t register Jensen stepping to me until her lips are on mine. My hand falls off the little ball as I lean into her embrace. My hands capture her face and I kiss her knowing every bit of anxiety I have will be met with her.
Whatever time I have with her will be filled with a love that I can’t say I deserve, but will cherish with every single breath I take.
Jensen leans back and I glide my thumb across her cheek in a soft caress. “You asked me in the office how many memories I planned on stealing, baby, I want to steal all of them. Make up for all the time I’ve wasted and steal every bit of you if you’ll let me. I love you.”
“I love you too,” she whispers. “Thank you for keeping eye contact during that speech.”
This laugh bubbles out of me. “Fucking Dad. Ratted out my tell, didn’t he?”
For the first time in three days, I see a genuine smile on Jensen’s face. “He sure did. I can’t wait to call you on it for a very long time.”
I place a lingering kiss on her forehead. “I can’t wait either, Jenni-cakes.”
After leaving the school, we pick up food from one of my favorite places in town then sleep well into the next day. It’s so nice waking up to see Jensen’s eyes no longer red and a bit of color back in her face.
It’s nice waking up next to her in general, though. There’s still this pang in my chest, knowing a vital part of my life is missing, but when that feels a bit too much, I’ll reach for Jensen then recall the best moments of my mother just like my dad said.
This grief feels different than I ever expected it too, but I can’t say that I’m alone in it anymore. I’m no longer afraid that the pain will consume me.
Sitting down at the kitchen table, Dad made a huge spread of pancakes for lunch all with different toppings mixed in. Some with chocolate chips, some with strawberries, some with both, then some with blueberries.
“Dad, were you craving pancakes?” I ask with a bit of humor in my tone.
He lets out a hum as he takes his seat across the table. “Seems pretty obvious to me that I was. Jensen, I’m not sure if Beck told you, but his mom always insisted that there were no time rules for food.”
Jensen takes her seat then looks up at me. “He told me all about it. I think pancakes sound great.”
I place my hand on her back as I take the seat next to her. Reaching for the seat of her chair, I pull her closer to me. “I didn’t say they didn’t sound good. Was more noting the extreme amount.”
“I can freeze them,” Dad says with a shrug. “So, you two good now?”
“Dad,” I chastise, while Jensen tries to stifle a laugh.
Meeting my dad with a complete dumbfounded look he simply shrugs. “What? I’ve never beat around the bush before. Don’t plan on starting anytime soon. Besides, I meddled, I need to know how it worked out.”
I place a hand on Jensen’s thigh and tilt my head back with a small groan. “Fuck’s sake. Yeah, Dad, we’re good. No more meddling is needed.”
Dad looks at Jensen with a smirk. “We’ll see about the meddling.”
“No, no, I promise I got it under control.” I make sure to hold eye contact with my dad for a solid few seconds before looking at Jen.
Jen’s head shakes and she mumbles, “Ya sé que sí.” I know you do.
Squeezing her thigh, I relax a bit at her trust in me. That’s all I need.
“Well, that’s good to hear. I can find some peace knowing you won’t screw it up completely when you head back to Boston,” Dad says pouring syrup over his pancakes.
That small twist in my chest comes back. I know we have to go back, but leaving him here all alone has me feeling a bit uneasy.
Dad sets down the bottle with a sigh. “You do know you have to go back to Boston, right?”
