“I don’t want to make this decision on my own.”
He arches a brow, puffing out a condescending breath of air. “You did it when we returned. This is no different.”
“You’re punishing me, Mika. Stop it, please,” I murmur.
He slams a fist into his chest. “What do you want from me? Just tell me. Let’s be done with it.”
Done?He wants to be done.
I blink at him, causing some tears to slip down my face. Provoking him and him pretending to be mad at me was our foreplay. This interaction feels different. He’s exhausted—of me. Most probably of all I represent.
“I’ll leave then.” Even if it will kill me. I stand up on shaky legs, the abyss threatening to swallow me. “Take care of yourself. Please.”
“That’s all you came for? To make sure I’m fine?” He air quotes fine, twisting the knife harder as if I don’t suffer enough.
I remain rooted in place, placing my hand on my chest in a display to offer him my heart. “No. That’s not all. I’m so incredibly sorry for hurting you. I love you so much, Mika, I’d sacrifice my heart, my happiness, my life for yours.”
He stabs me with a look choked full of accusation. “Interesting way of showing me.”
A small smile tugs at the corners of my mouth. “It sucks, doesn’t it? Loving someone and not being able to be with them? You’re lashing out at the wrong person. I’ve loved you for longer. Stop behaving like a child.”
I take a step when he yanks a drawer and slaps a revolver on his desk.
“I’m the child. Fine. Let’s play a little game. You love your games, don’t you, baby girl?” His voice drops to an icy tone, freezing me in place.
My heart threatens to explode noticing him taking the bullets out. Only one remains. The rest roll around on his desk just like the contents of my belly.
“Russian Roulette,” he says, sounding dead.
“Don’t you dare,” I gulp and rush to him to stop him, but he’s faster. Muzzle digging into his temple, he fires one that paralyzes the blood in my veins.
The pop rings in my ears, deafening me.
Another follows, not allowing me to break through the shock.
“Mika, stop. What are you doing? Do you want to die?” I hold my head between my hands as if wanting to squish the thought.
This can’t be happening. It’s a nightmare. He would never be this cruel and abandon me. I’ll wake up any moment now.
His lifeless stare freezes me in place. “Yes, because I’m dead without you.”
Another shot blasts through, followed by an eerie silence. No hole. No blood. He’s still alive while my heart threatens to give up, crumbling under his cruel decision.
How many so far? I try to remember while knowing the chances diminish with each shot. One could take him away from me for good, but I can’t reach him. He’s too far gone.
“Mika, stop. Please, baby. Please, don’t do this to me. I’ll never forgive you. Never.” Tears run down my cheeks, and I palm my chest, willing it to be strong.
As long as he’s alive, we have a reason to live. I can’t give up. The realization crashes down on me with such force that it almost knocks me over.
He still holds the muzzle to his temple, his index finger wavering on the trigger.
Without breaking eye contact, I hold his gaze hostage just like he holds my heart captive. “If you die, I’ll rip my heart out right next to you,” I say calmly, smiling in resignation.
If death is the only way we can be together, so be it.
That stops his sick game, and he lowers the gun to the desk.
The relief doesn’t overshadow the coldness taking over my being. I wrap my arms around myself, feeling so cold, lost without him. My teeth clatter under the wave of shivers rolling through my insides.
