“I like this seat. Thank you,” she says in a deceptively sweet voice.
Crossing her arms over her chest, she turns her head to the window, staring out.
She wants to be difficult. She chose the wrong fucking man for that.
Leaning over her, I slip my hands under her armpits and pick her up.
She yelps as if my reaction surprises her, which shouldn’t. “Put me down. What are you doing?”
“Stop being difficult,” I grumble.
“Stop. I need a break.”
A break. From me? Her request blows up my fucking world.
From deep within me, doubts crawl out, conquering my brain and devouring my insides like famished bugs.
In the end, the man I am can’t live up to her fantasy. Her rejection feels like she unloads an entire magazine of bullets inside of me, riddling my body with holes. My life essencestreams out from the gaping wounds, bleeding out with the only thing that has kept me alive—her love.
The strength in my arms drains out of me, and I place her down. The bout of vertigo hits me straight in the gut, and I stumble back, weak in the knees.
She wanted a taste of the forbidden, and now she got it. I have faced death many times, but it’s the first time I don’t want to fight back, wishing for a quick end—to forget and mend the broken heart I doubt will ever heal. If she stabbed me in the chest, it would have hurt less than facing losing her. I won’t survive her loss. Her absence will break me.
She looks at me with an apology written all over her face.
Her chin quivers. “Mika…”
Pull yourself together!Do it one more time—for her.
I jerk my chin at her, offering a small smile. “Don’t worry. It’s fine.”
I get it. The thrill of the forbidden is gone, leaving me to tread through the debris of my life.
I move toward my seat. Not being able to look at her, I stare at my hands—the hands of a monster. Not worth it.
I touched her with them, dirtying her up. I can’t change that even if I bleach my damn soul.
I offer her another reassuring smile like we’re okay, and I am not slowly dying inside.
The silence speaks volumes as we deep dive in our heads.
I let every moment we’ve spent together pass before my eyes. Of course, I am too much. I pushed her past her limits. And now I lost her.
Curling and uncurling my hands at my sides, I watch the time ticking on my watch. Each second only increases my agony.
The flight attendant comes by, asking us what we want.
“I’m fine, thank you,” she says meekly.
I just shake my head, afraid that if I open my mouth, everything I’ve tried to hold in will overflow, revealing the mess I am.
“Mika?” she murmurs.
On autopilot, I lift my eyes. Hers glisten, and tears roll down her cheeks.
“Don’t punish me with silence, please.”
I’d rather die than torment her. “No, baby girl. It’s okay.”
