“For what other reason would it be, Madeline?”
I swallow hard and look away from his eyes to hide that I’m hurt. “You’re right, Your Excellency. For what other reason would it be?”
Chapter 40
“I’ve checked the security twice, and everything is in order for the engagement tomorrow night,” Adil says.
Normally, I wouldn’t mind him overstepping his role as an advisor, but I’ve been in a foul mood lately and everything is pissing me off. “You should have left it to Raez. That’s what he’s paid for. When you interfere with his work, you undermine him in front of his subordinates.”
“What’s wrong with you? I didn’t do anything differently from what I always do,” he says, not appearing offended by what I just said. Adil never loses his composure, no matter how messed up the situation is.
“Nothing,” I reply dryly because I won’t share my problems regarding Madeline.
The night we returned from the oasis, she locked the door to our room, preventing me from going in, and the next morning, she accepted Nawra’s invitation to spend a few days at her place, making up an excuse that she would be taking a crash course on babies, since my sister offered to help her.
Part of it may be true, but I know that what made her decide to distance herself was what I said back at the oasis.
She’s angry with me, but I can’t say I’m overjoyed either. I shared with Madeline a sacred space for my parents, a place that has become my refuge when I need to think.
It’s not the only oasis we have in Sintarah. They are necessary for some of our caravan workers in the desert to have a place to rest, but they mainly serve as shelter during a sandstorm.
I had never taken anyone to that particular oasis before.
Sharing the pitched tent with her, a love nest where my parents celebrated their union’s anniversary year after year, was a way to show her that she’s not just the mother of my child but the woman I will livewithandforfrom now on.
When she excluded me from her parents’ issues, preventing me from intervening, she made it clear that there is a part of her life to which she doesn’t want to give me access. For a control freak like me, her decision is unbearable.
And now I wonder why Madeline doesn’t want me to get close to her family.
I know she told me about her mother, but was that the only reason? Or despite everything, is she still unsure about having me permanently in her life?
I’m not someone who trusts easily, and doubts are terrible advisors.
It didn’t help that Adil showed me that there was a specific internet search on the monitored network we use exclusively in the palace.
It was about divorce.
I’m sure my advisor didn’t intend to spy on her, but our search engines are supervised for security reasons.
Although I can’t say for sure whether the divorce search came from her—to protect individual privacy, that would be a second step in breaching confidentiality and only activated if certain keywords, likebomb, were included in the search—who else would want to know about the advantages of getting a divorce in Sintarah?
Unlike neighboring Emirates—even Rheadur, which is relatively progressive but still lacking in this regard—my father established, at my mother’s request, that the women in our country have rights, especially concerning their children, if the union were to be dissolved.
We’re not even married yet, and she’s already thinking of leaving?
I tried to convince myself, as soon as I found out about it, that my only concern was my son, but I know it’s a lie.
I don’t want her to leave.
At the oasis, she said she loved me. Was it just in the heat of the moment?
I run my hand over my face, my mind exhausted like I have rarely felt before.
Despite the shitty mood between us and having exchanged only a few texts about our engagement announcement, I miss her, and there’s no way to deny that she has a point in being upset.
I gave myself the excuse that my irritation that day was because Madeline wouldn’t let me intervene in her father’s issue, but a significant part of the truth is that not having control bothers me not because of the situation but because of her effect on me.
What Madeline makes me feel is unfamiliar. I’m the one who calls the shots in relationships, but with my fiancée, I become a slave to instincts and desire.
