‘Don’t,’ he says, cutting me off. ‘I won’t hear it.’
‘But you do deserve better.’
‘I don’tdeserveanything. I want you.’
‘I think I’ve lost me,’ I say, without knowing I’m going to, and my throat closes up, like it’s trying to stop the words leaving, only they’re already out.
And they don’t seem to surprise Nick at all.
His expression moves in pain, but not shock.
‘I lost me too,’ he says. ‘The difference between us, though, is I’ve wanted to find my way back to who I am.’
‘I want to find my way back … ’
‘Do you?’
‘Yes.’
With a sigh, he tips his head up, looking, sightlessly, at the lights above.
‘What happened this morning, Claude? How did you fall like that?’
‘I slipped … ’
‘You were standing still.’
‘I still slipped.’
Slowly, he brings his gaze back down to mine. ‘Did you want to do that?’
The question astounds me.
‘No,’ I say, appalled. ‘Is that what you’ve been thinking?’
‘No.’ He frowns. ‘I don’t know.’
‘Nick, I did notwantthis.’
‘I was scared. You scared me. You keep doing it.’
‘I don’t mean to.’
‘Then stop,’ he says, and his low voice cracks on thestop. ‘Please. Let me in.’
‘I want to.’
‘Then do it.’
‘It’s hard … ’
‘Why?’
‘Because I’m frightened too.’ This time, it’s my voice that fractures. ‘I’m so afraid I’m not enough for you. That I’m keeping you from how happy you could be.’
Setting his jaw, he draws a long, frustrated breath.
‘You’re enough for me,’ he says. ‘You’ve always been enough. But you haven’t given me you in a long time.’
