“To the rest of you, you’re already family,” she said, looking around the table. “You’re all mine, even if you started off with someone else,” her eyes flicked to Dom and Arlo, “were brought in by someone else,” her eyes moved to Elijah. “Or you had the good, if somewhat dubious, luck of falling in love with one of my children,” she said, looking to Kayden and Jace. “Or...you needed somewhere that truly felt like home.” This time, it was Ward she looked at, and his smile disappeared, his eyes falling to the table where mine had been.
“Whatever the case,” she continued after a moment. “This is my family, and even if you might test my patience, or make me wonder why I thought children were ever a good idea for my sanity. You are all mine, and I love every single one of you.”
“I’ll drink to that,” Mason said, raising his glass. “To this family, bunch of nut jobs that we are.”
“Hell yeah,” Milo said, raising his glass so fast it sloshed down the side.
The others did the same, and I felt oddly trapped as I watched glasses around the table begin to rise. It wasn’t like I could just sit there, hell, even Micah had raised his glass of what I hoped wasn’t alcohol, a smile on his face. Feeling like I was making the same sort of deal I’d made with Augustine all those years ago, just in a wholly different way, I raised my glass as well.
“Good, now eat up andtryto behave yourselves,” she said, sitting down.
No one wasted time as they got up and removed the lids from the trays. The smell of the food was thick and rich, and I stared at the feast, feeling my mouth water. It didn’t take long before I was filling my plate, and without wasting time, my stomach as well. Everything was delicious, from the expertly carved primerib with the drippings turned into a sauce, the buttery mashed potatoes, the green bean casserole made with fresh green beans and a homemade mushroom sauce that went down heavy but pleasantly, and even the?—
“Cucumber salad,” I muttered as I stared at the chunks of cucumber and tomatoes, covered in a vinaigrette and sprinkled with herbs, including fresh dill.
“What’s that?” Dom asked beside me, a piece of mashed potatoes sticking to his chin.
I looked around the table and took note of everything I’d been eating and swallowed the next bite of mashed potatoes with more force than was necessary. “This food?—”
“What about it?” Dom asked, setting his fork down.
“Is something wrong?” Matilda asked, looking at me worriedly.
“No, no,” I said quickly, smiling at her. “It’s wonderful. It always is.”
“Good, I was back there with some of my crew for a good part of the evening. No matter how many times you’re back there cooking, you always get a little nervous that you aren’t doing it right,” she said with a smile. “Don’t worry, as always, I make sure the staff all get plates as well.”
“These are my favorites,” I said softly, staring at the rolls with what I guessed was homemade cinnamon butter. “Everything.”
“I know,” she said, winking at me. “I’m sure you’re used to better fare than this, since Dom tells me you’ve made a chunk of change doing business.”
“None of it can compare to your cooking,” I told her. “Even my mom used to say the same thing when she was able to stop in.”
“She was such a wonderful woman,” Matilda said. “I know it’s been years, but...I am still so sorry she’s gone.”
“So am I,” I said, meaning it. It wasn’t that Dom hadn’t been enough to keep me on the ‘right’ path, but the loss was too much to handle with just his help. It was, I knew, what finally drove me over the edge and let me convince myself there wasn’t enough left in Cresson Point to hold onto. That I needed something I could throw myself into. First, I had needed bloody revenge, and in the end, even that had been taken from me because I’d felt pity for the bastard as I’d stared into his beaten and bloodied face.
What would my life have been like if my mother hadn’t died? If perhaps she had taken my advice that day and called in because she was so worn out? What would my life have looked like if I’d realized I wasn’t nearly as alone as I thought? That if I had taken the chance, I could have had a family...here.
I had thrown it all away in a pique of grief and desperation, refusing to see what was right in front of me. I had lost the chance to be here to watch Milo and Elijah grow into two goofy, obviously crazy about one another goofballs. I had missed watching Moira become a mother.
I hadn’t been here to see Dom go through his career and find a place to put all the anger and to make a name for himself. I’d missed Mason dipping his toes into different waters. I’d missed watching Jace, who was, by all accounts, a lost soul like I had been, brought in and given a place to find love and comfort. Milo and Elijah’s journey to finding one another must have been a wonder to see, and it was no secret that Moira was crazy about Kayden in a way I suspected she’d never been before.
There had been so much I’d missed and even now...what was I to them? They were willing to let me back into the fold like it was nothing, like I was simply a boy who had lost his way and came wandering out of the woods one day. Never mind that I was one of the wolves that prowled those woods; they weretreating me like a sheep brought home. I didn’t belong here any more than they did in my world.
Oh God.
“Excuse me a moment,” I said, pushing back from the table.
No one said anything as I got up, and I tried to avert my eyes as they watched me leave the room. My head was filled with too many ‘what ifs,’ and it felt like my skull was going to crack from the pressure. For the first time in weeks, I truly wished I had a handful of those little pills I used to take whenever my brain felt filled to the point of breaking. Except now it wasn’t my head, really; this wasn’t business and numbers and logistics and shipping. This was my heart, pumped too full, making me feel too much.
I avoided the public areas and instead wandered until I found a door leading outside. I stepped out into the evening air and breathed deep, not caring that the smell of garbage and smoke tainted it. The smell made me ache, and I turned to find someone in uniform smoking at the bottom of the steps.
“I’ll give you twenty bucks for whatever’s left of that pack, minus one to take with you until you get another one after you get off your shift,” I told her.
“Deal,” she said instantly, handing the pack to me and pulling one out to tuck into her apron for later. “I’ll even tuck the rock back under the door since you don’t look like you have a key.”
“Thank you,” I said.
