“Both are easily explained by the fact that Augustine is a manipulative, ambitious bastard who has been trying to find someone to take his place when the inevitable happens. And you are so ridiculously stubborn, someone should lock you up and study it for science,” he said with a snort. “There’s nothing in anyof that which can’t be explained by the people involved. We’ve all contributed to the way our lives have turned out and made the choices that have brought us to this point. I cannot say I believe there is anything else at play. Just...people.”
I snorted, holding him closer and not caring that it was pulling painfully on my wound. After the day we’d had, it was nice to have him there with me. The feel of his body pressed against mine was comforting in a way that went beyond words, though I was sure that if I asked him to put it into words, Levi would have found a way. Right now, though, he was quiet, thoughtful, but not the kind of thoughtful I should be worried about. Deep down, I knew we were always going to run into the wall of how much danger I was in by being in his life, and he was always going to have to deal with the fact that I was stubbornly going to keep insisting on sticking around. Maybe one day, one of us would win that war, but today’s battle had ended in a stalemate.
For now, I could enjoy the moment. The sunset filled the room with a light as warm and comforting as the warmth from Levi’s body as he held onto me. It wasn’t a hard grip, but there was a level of desperation and relief that I couldn’t help but hold him back. There was still a great deal of strength to him, but I had always thought that, even when he had been a twig in human form. I hadn’t doubted him back then, and I found that was true now, even with the horrifying reality made obvious today. He was as decisive, intelligent, and strong as I’d always believed...and dangerous, which I suppose I’d always known was a possibility, even all those years ago.
His fingers flexed against my leg, and I chuckled. “What are you doing?”
“Enjoying myself,” he said softly, and I grinned.
“Feels more like you’re groping me.”
“Same thing in the end.”
“It’s a little harder to do things when I’m like this.”
“Hard is not impossible...and hard is what you’re becoming from what I can feel.”
It was true, his closeness had primed my body for something more physical. It wasn’t just because he was close and warm but because of everything that had happened. It wasn’t even the teasing I’d definitely been doing on purpose at the store, but honestly? The near-death experience was keeping doors open that felt wrong, considering the circumstances, and yet felt right. I also remembered hearing that when things got really bad, like a disaster, there was always a spike of births nine months later. In the bad times, people who survived turned to one another for comfort. Even, and maybe especially, sexual comfort.
“You stay there,” he said suddenly, getting up and walking into the bedroom. I was tempted to follow, but I stayed where I was, waiting until he returned with the familiar bottle of lube that he set on the small table beside the couch. “There.”
“Wow, you’re going to take advantage of me when I’m basically an invalid?” I asked, my eyes wide.
He rolled his eyes. “Please, you’re injured, not broken.”
“Good to know,” I said with a chuckle as he carefully knelt on each side of me before taking hold of my face and kissing me gently.
“I’m sorry about today,” he said in a soft voice that tugged at something hard and taut in my chest. “I’ll never be able to make my life safe for either of us, I know that, and I hate it. And I know you’re trying to understand it, and you’re dealing with your own stuff, but...I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” I told him, running my hands down his sides and holding tight to his hips as he ground into my groin, making me groan softly. “I told you, and I’m going to keep telling you, I know what I’m doing. Okay, maybe I don’t get it all, not in theway you do, and not even after today, but I’m not walking blind, alright?”
“I know, but I’m still sorry,” he said softly, stroking down my neck to my chest, but stopping before he reached the wound. “I’m going to be sorry for a long time. And if something happens again, I’m going to be sorry again.”
“Maybe...it’s time to start considering an out...if you’re that unhappy,” I said, putting into words something I had only let myself think.
Now it was out there, the idea lit me up inside, and I felt it take root, refusing to leave. Now I’d put it into words, it made it more real. After all, why couldn’t he...walk away? I knew it wasn’tthatsimple; he was so deeply enmeshed with The Family that the chance of just walking away was next to zero. But there had to be something he could do, right? Not that I expected him to have any influence over Augustine, not enough to make the man grow a heart or unblacken his soul enough to remember what it was like to be a human, if he ever was human in the first place.
Still, there had to be some avenue for people who didn’t want to stay in The Family that didn’t require killing or prison. Hell, Levi should be able to come up with something. He was the smartest person I knew, and he must know enough about Augustine and The Family to be a bargaining chip. And even if it meant calling in all the favors he was owed, wouldn’t a life free of the fear of death and betrayal be worth it?
“Shh,” he said, closing his eyes and leaning in closer. “Worry about the future some other time. Just stay here, with me.”
Even though I desperately wanted to talk about it, his lips were pressed against mine, and his hands were touching me again. I’d seen time and time again how helpless he was when I was turning him on, drawing him back into the present, and it seemed that it went both ways. The almost feverish beginningof my thoughts was fading as I felt his hands gently pass over my stomach wound and down to my waist, where he found the button to my pants. He flicked them open, easing some of the pressure around my midsection as his tongue slid over mine, and I groaned when I felt his fingers below my waistband.
“Hold on,” he said, his voice still soft and alluring as he eased back. “This might get a little tricky since someone decided they were going to get a new scar today.”
“Because that was totally my intention,” I said as he got to his feet and tried to figure out how to get my pants off.
In the end, it required me to stand up. There was no other way for my clothes to come off that wouldn’t have required more wiggling than was probably safe for my wound. I still needed to use Levi as leverage to get to my feet in the first place. I didn’t want to admit it, but I was glad he took over. It turned out that trying to stand from a sitting position when you had a giant wound in your stomach was not easy, or enjoyable. Waves of pain made my vision swim slightly, and it was harder to breathe once I got to my feet.
“You alright?” he asked gently as he took off my pants and underwear. If it were anyone else, I might think he was just eager to have sex, to the point that he was going to ignore the pain I was in. This was Levi, though, so I knew he was hiding how nervous he was and instead letting me have the illusion of being a big, strong man who didn’t need help.
“It’s funny how you don’t realize the parts of your body doing stuff until you’ve hurt them,” I said with a chuckle, lifting one leg and then the other as he pulled off my pants. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to do that too often.”
“Then I’ll just have to make sure you don’t. Otherwise, Nic will be back, and I don’t want an earful. Now, let’s get you back down.”
That proved a lot easier because I wasn’t using a shit ton of muscle, just enough to make sure I didn’t collapse onto the couch. It hurt enough, though, that I was completely soft by the time I sat back down. Levi didn’t seem to care as he stayed on his feet, undoing the top buttons of his shirt and his sleeves so he could pull it off. I stared up at him, thinking how wonderful it was that, despite being badly hurt, I could still enjoy the free show. I loved this version of his body as much as I had loved his younger one. Of course, I hadn’t been able to admit it to myself, and my attempts to tell him how good he looked back then had been awkward and probably uncomfortable for him.
“Gorgeous,” I said as I watched him reach down to start on his pants, making him freeze and look at me questioningly. “What? You are. Always have been.”
