“I’m not going to start being a big baby,” I told him with a scowl. “So don’t go worrying about me.”
Levi turned to stare out the window, his face warming as he watched the sky light up with the burning colors of sunset. It gave color to his usually pale features, but it did little to softenthe troubled expression on his face, lips thin and eyes narrowed against the glow. I could sense something building inside him, and I waited, mostly because I didn’t know what to say. I realized I had probably said the wrong thing, but I knew he needed time to deal with whatever was going on in that head of his.
“Today...” he began and stopped, swallowing hard. “Today was...illuminating.”
“Not the word I would have used,” I told him, still unsure where the conversation was going. The entire mood had shifted now Nic was gone, and I didn’t want to risk saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. I wasn’t agreeing with his accusation that I turned into a big baby when I was sick or injured, but I knew I definitely wasn’t at my best.
“It proved my point. Having you in my life is detrimental. Mostly to you,” he said, and he didn’t move, but I knew his thoughts were on my stitched-up wound. “I was proved right...and there is no victory in that. Only bitterness...among other things.”
I frowned. “Don’t start down that path. I know where you’re going with this, and don’t you dare.”
“Oh? Where am I going?”
“If this is leading to some stupid ass speech about how you knew it was bad for me to be close to you and that I need to start thinking about whether or not I should stick around, you can stop right there,” I told him with a dirty look. “Because I knew you had a dangerous life, and I figured it was even more dangerous the minute I realized why you were sent here. And then I managed to figure out, all on my own by the way, that you were in even more danger than before when you mentioned you were in a goddamn turf war with Los fucking Muertos.”
He snorted. “There’s a new name for them.”
“Levi,” I said, trying to get him to look at me and failing. “I’m smart enough to know that being around you isn’t exactly goodfor my health. And I’m not just saying that because I’m sitting here with a new scar, either. I knew it from the beginning.”
“Really?” he asked dryly. “From the moment you saw me on the street and chased me down like a lunatic?”
“Eh, people around that area know the family that owns that hotel is a bunch of weirdos.”
“Not what I was getting at.”
“I know. And no, I guess I wasn’t really thinking about the danger of trying to hunt you down. I had the time after you took off like a bat out of hell to realize what it might mean. But even if I didn’t know from the first time I saw you, or didn’t understand what it meant trying to talk to you, I have figured it out since. And this? This is confirmation. It’s confirmation that I was right in how dangerous I thought it would be.”
“And you’re still going to insist on trying to be a part of my life,” he said with a weary sigh, draining his glass and setting it on the nearby table with a hard thump. “Because youdon’tunderstand.”
“Alright, you know what? I’m starting to understand that you’re...kicking yourself for what happened,” I began, and his head snapped toward me, eyes blazing.
“Gee, I wonder why that might be?” he snapped. “If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t be in this position. I can’t even decide where I failed the most. Was it in not refusing to let Augustine send me to this place? I’ve never been good at refusing him when he gets pushy, even though I no longer fear him as much as I used to. Perhaps it was in not finding a way to push you away again, or my weakness at giving in to you even when I knew how dangerous your involvement with me would be. Because I do know, I’ve lived this life for a decade and a half, Iknowwhat it means. So I don’t know if I should be sorry, angry, or just plain bitter because this is my life, and I let go of control at a time when I needed to hold as tightly to that control as I could.”
“Are you done?” I asked as he took a deep breath, probably to continue, but he stopped when he heard me and gave me a startled look. “I’m not an idiot, and I’m not a kid,” I reminded him with a frown. “Like I said, I figured out pretty quickly that you weren’t exactly living a life that was safe for you or anyone around you, alright? And if I didn’t figure it out right away, I figured it out eventually. And today? I figured it outrealfast. I just got to watch three men willing to jump you in a public place, adecentpublic place at that. What the fuck would have happened if I hadn’t been there to help?”
Levi grimaced. “I wouldn’t have allowed myself to be out in such a vulnerable position. Normally, given the circumstances, I would have made sure to have at least a couple of armed men with me. And...I never made a fuss about it, but I also don’t like to carry a weapon on me when I’m with you.”
My eyes widened. “I was going to ask why you didn’t have a fucking gun with you. Why the hell would you think you shouldn’t have a gun around me?”
He raised a brow. “You’ve never been comfortable with anything about my life, at least nothing that reminds you how dangerous it is. It didn’t make sense to carry an obvious reminder of how dangerous my life can really be.”
I stared at him, trying to wrap my head around that while not losing my temper. “Are you...fucking serious? Bad enough that you went out without your normal protection, but you decided not to take a gun because it might bother me? Are you suicidal?”
“Not last I checked,” he said dryly. “My self-preservation instinct seems to be intact if today is anything to go by.”
“Christ on a...” I muttered, rubbing my face and reminding myself that I needed to take deep breaths before I strangled his last one from him. “Yeah, maybe I wouldn’t have liked the reminder of what kind of shit you have to worry about. I’m not going to fucking apologize for wanting you to have a life whereyou don’t have to look over your shoulder all the goddamn time, where you don’t have to worry if some random person is out to kill you because of what you’re doing. But you do live that life, shitty and awful as it is to me, and I know that’s not changing anytime soon.”
“It’s not, no,” he agreed, and I saw hesitation in his eyes, as if he could see where I was going with this.
“And I’m a big boy who can accept a reality he doesn’t like, which means I know you live that life and you need to take the right precautions,” I ground out. The pain wasn’t helping my mood, but the fact that he was willing to take such a stupid risk to make sure I didn’t feel uncomfortable was even worse. “You should be carrying a goddamn gun at all times. I can take care of myself if I have to.”
“Can you?” he wondered, and when he saw my temper flare again, he moved on quickly. “I just mean...there is a difference between fighting off people who are trying to hurt you, and handling people who are trying to kill you.”
“Like you handled those men?”
“I will not apologize for doing to them what they would have happily done to me. They made their choice the moment that they decided the bountyon my lifewas worth trying to cash in when they could have chosen any other option.”
“That was an execution.”
