“I hired someone better than they did,” he said, as if he had chosen a better deal on overnight shipping than his neighbor.
“I have tried repeatedly to point out that this life isn’t gentle or kind,” he said with a sigh. “Did you think I was just being dramatic?”
“No, but there’s a difference between knowing that in your head and hearing stories about what it really is like,” I said, wrinkling my nose.
“I was on a small break before being assigned to wrangle everything in this part of the country,” he explained. “The whole, being careful and downright paranoid at times, was starting to wear thin, and making...well, it was taking the fun out of getting laid if I’m honest.”
“I can imagine.”
“Which, speaking of,” he said, tilting his head. “You mentioned it had been a while since you last had sex. Why is that?”
I frowned. “Really?”
“What? It’s a fair question. Unless there’s some horrible experience that prompted it, and explaining would require a few drinks and hugs afterward.”
“Jackass,” I said with a laugh. I pushed away from the counter and left him to sit on it as I leaned against the stove. “No, there’s no horrible experience, I just...I mean...I don’t really know what caused it.”
Levi slid off the counter with fluid grace, barely wincing when he probably twinged his shoulder. “You just didn’t want to have sex?”
“I did, and before that, I was never going without.”
“Ah, man whore.”
“Yes,” I said with a glare. “I was, thank you for that. I wasn’t a playboy or player or whatever else you might be thinking.”
“No, I’m sure you were a perfect gentleman,” he said, sounding like he meant it.
“Oh,” I said, deflating a little. “Well, I tried. I wasn’t always at my best, that’s for sure, but I did try. But there was just this point where it all stopped being...interesting. I mean, sex was still interesting, and I liked having sex, but it was like the sex I was having wasn’t...interesting.”
“So sex was interesting, but it wasn’t,” he repeated.
“I know it doesn’t make sense.”
“No, it does. I literally just described how I was giving up on sex for a while. I never said I didn’t want to have sex; it just became too much effort, and each time I did have it, it just...stopped having as much of an impact. I decided it was more trouble than it was worth and stopped...until last night, that is.”
“Something like that, except for the whole threat of death and pain part,” I said with a snort. “But it all just stopped...meaning as much to me. I thought maybe I was getting bored with the sort of people I was sleeping with. So I tried to go to different places, meet different types of people, hell, I threw in some different types of sex.”
“I’m imagining less handcuffs and feathers and a few more leather harnesses and paddles,” he said with a laugh.
“Maybe,” I said, shaking my head and flipping him the bird. “And then I was like, well, hell, maybe it’s because it’s been nothing but women forever now, maybe I should give guys a try again, even though it had been a while since the last time I’d been remotely interested in doing anything with another guy.”
“And I’m guessing that idea was a bust.”
“You’d be right,” I said with a shrug. “Sure, it was fun, but again it was like something was just...missing, I guess. I’m not like you, where I could figure out what was wrong, though.”
“It was pretty obvious with me,” he said. “But for you, it sounds like you were missing something that had...substance.”
“Yeah, I guess that’s the best way to put it,” I agreed. “I mean, that sounds like the right thing now, after last night, but...not before that.”
“What do you mean? What about last night?”
I scoffed. “Last night was a hell of a lot more fun and pleasurable than anything I’ve done in...I don’t even know how long.”
The corner of his mouth twitched. “I’m so glad I was able to bring the fulfillment to your sex life that you were lacking.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m serious.”
“Hmm, and I’m being serious.”
