I groaned. “Oh, what now?”
Instead of actually, you know, dealing with your problems, you shrug off what you can by telling yourself the past is the past and there’s nothing you can do about it.
“Which is the truth.”
Totally ignoring that you can learn from your screw-ups and do better. And for the rest? Just focus on how much you have to do, because then you don’t have to think about anything that might matter.
“My success is fairly important.”
Funny. You didn’t need to come to one of your old stomping grounds, an old thinking spot, in the first few weeks you were here. No, no, it’s only after you get a blast from your past that you suddenly feel like you have to come here? That’s just a coincidence...right?
“Everyone knows the world is a lot smaller than we’d like,” I grumbled. “I saw him, so what?”
Oh, Levi, I’ve always told you the most dangerous and destructive lies are the ones we tell ourselves.
Had she ever told me that, or was that something I’d come up with on my own and just...attributed to her after the fact? In truth, I couldn’t always remember if what she’d said came from actual memories or if I was just assuming that was something she’d say if she were still around.
Does it matter? You have company by the way.
My body stiffened, my hand stealing to the gun inside my coat before I realized my body was reacting to a threat my conscious mind hadn’t noticed. I forced myself to relax even as I chided myself for getting lost in my thoughts so easily...again.It was stupid not to pay attention, even if this was once a place of safety and refuge for me. It hadn’t become a problem for me yet, but other criminal groups operating in Cresson Point were displeased that The Family was taking a more active role in the city. They might not have made any real moves beyond the occasional fight, but that didn’t mean they would pass up the chance to take me out if they figured I was vulnerable and could get away with it.
“Going to shoot me?” a voice, painfully and terrifyingly familiar, asked lightly.
I could see him out of the corner of my eye, and I sighed as I turned to face the cliff, briefly considering trying to leave but knowing there was no way I could get away cleanly this time. He was, as he had always been, bigger and stronger than me. My only guaranteed way to get away in one piece would be to use the gun and...well, we both knew I wasn’t going to, even using it as a threat was pointless. Other tools at my disposal were useless too; my position in The Family, my personal power, money, everything was utterly useless in the face of my former best friend.
“If I killed you, you’d just find a way to come back and haunt me,” I grunted as I pulled my hand out of my jacket, leaning forward. I refused to look at him. That was the only defense I had against his effect on me. If I looked at him, everything I was, everything I had become would disappear in a heartbeat, and I would be a teenager all over again. I didn’t want to be that scrawny, terrified, heartbroken kid, so I sat there, resolutely looking forward, and chose to watch two birds fight over something.
“Geez,someone’s gotten morbid over the years,” he said with a chuckle, and I fought to keep from closing my eyes in response to the sound. His voice had deepened slightly since the last time I’d heard him, and his laughter had always seemed to rumble outof his chest like little earthquakes even back then, and now the quakes were that much deeper. “Just gonna jump right to killing me?”
“Shooting someone in the leg is a lot harder, despite what idiots who’ve never shot a gun at another person think,” I said with a shrug. “You’re too close for me to get off a comfortable shot, and a single missed shot gives you time to take the gun from me. Which you could, because you’re bigger, stronger, and we both know you’ve spent a lot more time learning how to fight.”
“Kept up to date on me?” he wondered.
“Don’t read too much into it,” I said quickly. “You may not be involved in the most popular sport in this country, but it’s popular enough, and up until last year, you’ve been doing really well.”
“Mmm, I love how everyone keeps bringing up last year.”
“Are people supposed to pretend it didn’t happen? There’s probably parts of the past people wouldloveto try to forget. But we don’t do that, do we? The cheaters don’t get forgiven because ‘that was last month,’ and murderers and rapists aren’t magically forgiven because it was last year.”
“Are we going to talk about my career and how people don’t want to think about the past, or what?”
“I’m fairly sure that not thinking about one’s past is rather relevant right now.”
“What, have a few things you’re trying to avoid?”
“A few.”
“And clearly one of those things is standing right next to you. Especially since you won’t even look at me.”
There wasn’t much I could say to that, which was...frustrating. Most of the time, I had a good idea where a conversation was going. To the person I was talking to, it gave the impression that I was in complete control. It was effective fora vast majority of people, and until recently, the only person it didn’t work on was Augustine. I wasn’t surprised that I was now going to have to add Dom to that list, annoyed but not surprised.
“Happy?” I asked as I did the inevitable and turned to look at him.
Jesus. Pictures and a distant glance as he raced after me didnotdo justice to the changes he’d gone through. He still kept his dark hair buzzed to his head to give it something a little more than peach fuzz. It had always made him look meaner than he was, and time had shaved what remained of his baby fat to give him an even harder, meaner...impossibly handsome face. I’d noticed he had gained more muscle in the pictures, but they looked a lot bigger in person, even from only a few feet away. He wasn’t bulging with muscle like some power lifter, but there was no doubt he could have easily picked me up and thrown me off the cliff with ease if he so desired.
“Aren’t you cold?” I asked grumpily as I took in his short-sleeve shirt that fuckingclungto his biceps like it was painted on.
“Did you forget that I run hot?” he asked with a smirk, and I felt a pang shoot through me at the cocky expression. He had never lacked confidence, and yes, sometimes that came across as arrogant. I could remember the feelings that had squirmed and wriggled through me when I’d been younger and caught glimpses of that. At the time, I’d kept those thoughts to myself as I wasn’t keen on sabotaging our friendship over a silly, admittedly potent, crush. That was until the fateful night we’d tried our hand at drinking and something had awoken inside him, and between the two of us.
