Beeping, a lot of beeping, and a fuzziness around my head that I didn’t think came from being hit by a damn van...or was it a truck? But, God, the beeping was getting annoying. And there were...things, pinching me. Something was poking at my chest, and there were...other things.
“Don’t,” a firm voice commanded, and I felt something soft and warm cover...my hand? Pulling it...pushing it actually, away? “You need that.”
“Levi?” I wondered, and I didn’t know if I said it aloud. Not that I had a chance to figure out if I did or not because the darkness was coming back and I couldn’t fight it off. It was too strong, and I was left to float again, wondering if I would ever be able to live in the light again.
God, I hoped it was Levi, because that would mean he was okay, and Micah. God, please, I know I haven’t prayed in years, and I can’t remember the last time I saw the inside of a church, but please make sure both of them are okay.
No, wait...I did remember. It was my parents’ funeral. My mom had always joked that she was an impatient Catholic; that’s why she could never go to the funerals, masses, or weddings, they just took too long. Dad, though, he went all the time, and even if he wasn’t in town, he would find a Catholic church wherever he was to go to mass. So it had been in a large church that they’d had their funeral.
The smell of incense was as strong to me now as it had been back then, and it was so damn thick. It hung everywhere, and...why was Levi in the pew next to me? His face was paler than it had ever been, even paler and more drawn than when hismom had died. There were dark circles under his eyes that made him look like a deranged raccoon, and he was so goddamn sad, why the fuck was he so?—
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “This is my fault. I should have realized you would be a target at some point. And if you’re a target, that means your family is...I’m so sorry, Dom.”
“You didn’t kill them,” I said, confused but desperate to get him to understand. “It was an accident. They happen all the time. I was so mad at God back then, you know? How could he let something like that happen? I mean, shit,bothof them? Why did it have to be both?”
“My fault,” he whispered, and I couldn’t tell if he was listening to me. “But I can promise you something. Something I should have promised before, and done something about before it got to this point.”
“You don’t have to promise me anything,” I said, because what was the point of promises? My parents had promised they would always be there for me, but all it had taken was a simple accident, and their plane had gone down, killing everyone on board, in some shitty backwoods part of the world. And what could Levi promise? His life didn’t allow for promises.
“I promise you this, those who would hurt you or your family will die screaming,” he said with a cold savagery that threatened to freeze my insides.
He shouldn’t be here. This was my parents’ funeral. It happened before I even knew he existed. This was the first time I had ever felt my world turned upside down and had to realize there was no safety, and God, if he even existed, or her, for that matter, had to be cruel, uncaring, or simply powerless if something like this could happen to a kid like me.
It wasn’t like I had deserved it. Hell, it wasn’t like my parents had deserved it, but they had died anyway, hadn’t they? Good people who had been snuffed out in a moment, and there wasme, left to carry all that pain, and never knowing what to do with it all. So I had lashed out at anything and everything, making all that pain into something that felt like strength, but that rage was just grief with a different costume on.
And—
“Three days.” A voice, familiar but too weird in how furious it sounded, he had never sounded that mad. “Three fucking days, Levi. That’s how long I’ve had to sit around and watch my brother lie there, barely waking up, and looking like something out of a fucked up science fiction movie, and now I find out it’syourfault?”
Milo?
I was in a hospital room...wait, of course I was, that’s where people went when they got hit by trucks...or vans. Well, they went to the morgue too, but I guess I was very much alive. I couldn’t really do much, though. It felt like I was locked in my body, watching the room through a camera feed, helpless to do or say anything.
“My whole goddamn family is in danger because of you!” Milo snarled, jabbing a finger hard enough into Levi’s chest that he forced him to take a step back.
“Milo,” Eli said softly, grabbing Milo’s arm and pulling him back. “Stop, not in here.”
“Then where? Where the fuck am I supposed to do it, Eli?” Milo growled, turning on Eli. “Dom can barely wake the fuck up to stop me, and who’s going to stop me, Levi’s fucking goons?”
“They’re not goons,” Levi said softly. “They’re here for Dom’s protection...and yours.”
“And look how well that worked out.” Mason, who I realized was sitting in the corner, his face a frozen mask of fury. “Look at our brother, Levi.”
“I see him. I’ve been seeing him, and I’ve come back one last time because I had to see him,” Levi said, and therewas...something wrong with him. He was just as cold as Mason, but it was a distant coldness. Mason was mad, but he was here; he was in the moment. Levi though...I recognized was somewhere else, deep in his head. “If I had known all of you were here, I would have waited. You yourself should know how much this hurts me to?—”
I didn’t see Moira until her hand lashed out, balled into a fist, and slammed into Levi’s face, sending him stumbling backward. From the doorway, I saw a large man come hurrying into the room, and everyone turned toward him, ready to lash out. Levi, though, pointed at him. “Out. If anyone deserves to hit me, it’s anyone in this room.”
The guard looked hesitant, but he backed up, giving Levi a look before turning his back and standing outside the room. Moira stood, her shoulders taut, and I wanted to grab her before she punched him again. “My son, my goddamnson. We welcome you into our home, and you put my son in danger? You put my brother in the fucking hospital? You’re goddamn right I deserve to hit you. You deserve a lot more than that.”
“I do,” Levi said, as if he knew it was true but wasn’t...connecting to it, not emotionally. He was connecting the dots because they made sense, like adding numbers together. “There is only one thing I will ask of you.”
“That’s bold,” I heard a soft voice say next to me, and if I could have moved, I would have jumped. Arlo leaned forward from where he sat next to my bed, his hand resting on my arm. “What could you ask of us at a moment like this?”
“You stay where you can be guarded by my men,” Levi said simply. “The police are useless. They won’t be able to protect you when it really counts. They don’t have the resources or the training to protect you from something like this.”
“And you do?” Arlo asked coolly. He didn’t sound like he was doubting Levi, but he definitely wasn’t happy. “The evidence we have lying right here says otherwise.”
“I made Dom a promise,” Levi said, adjusting his jacket. “And while I am keeping that promise, I cannot risk any of you being in further danger. While I’m doing this, you need to stay with my men. They will keep you safe, and if any of them fail...well, they had better hope they’re killed in the process.”
