“Don’t worry about that. This is all I need from you. It’s more than enough. It’s gonna help a lot.”
Noah starts to get up, clearly intending to leave, but Andre says, “Will you … eat with us?”
Noah freezes. At first, he’s just stunned, then the rawest, most intense emotion flashes through his eyes, like this is something he’s never dared hope for and can’t quite believe. But he gets control of it. He drives it down.
He clears his throat and says, “Yeah. I’d … really like that.”
Andre picks up his phone. In the second before he gets up from the couch, I see his hand shaking. He starts pacing as he calls the Uppercut.
He orders for everyone, though he asks Noah about sides and how he wants his steak cooked. Andre already knows what I like.
It’ll take some time for the food to be delivered, so I start the documentary on cats again to fill the silence. Andre and Noah both seem relieved. They aren’t ready to talk to each other. Whatever lies between them is too big. But it’s good for them, I think, to be in this room together. I can feel how hard it is for both of them, but I can also feel how much they need it.
When the food arrives, we eat at the counter instead of the dining table. I set the places, putting myself in the middle. They’re both quite obviously relieved. Under different circumstances, it would almost be funny, but it just makes me sad. There’s so much pain.
But they do okay.
I keep my hand on Andre’s thigh for most of the meal. I almost want to touch Noah too because he seems so fucking alone, but it’s not my place.
I stop being embarrassed, though, about how he saw me. I don’t feel like he’s judging me. I feel like he’s glad that I’m here. With Andre.
Noah doesn’t hang around after. He thanks Andre for dinner and heads to the door. Andre follows him.
“Noah?”
Noah halts but doesn’t turn around. “Yeah, Andre.”
“Thank you.”
This is a different thank you than Andre offered for the repaired door. This is bigger, and Noah clearly hears the difference. His shoulders rise and fall. He turns slowly. I watch him struggle to control his emotions.
Noah says, “I’m really fucking glad you called me.”
Andre winces slightly. “It was a shitty thing to call you for.”
“You can call me for anything. Any time.”
I don’t understand why the tension doesn’t break between them, why that isn’t enough, but it’s not. Andre nods, and Noah leaves.
I want to ask about it, of course, but Andre is done. I can see it in his eyes. He’s starting to check out.
We don’t even watch any more TV. We just clean up and go to bed. Andre is asleep almost at once, and I realize that he probably didn’t sleep last night in the penthouse. He’s exhausted.
I lie in bed with him for a long time, but I eventually get up. I can’t relax. I can’t be at peace.
Noah asked me all those questions, gathered all that information, for a reason, and I don’t think that anything Noah is doing is official or legal. He’ll do something quiet and independent and dangerous. And that’s bad enough, but I don’t think he’ll be alone. He won’t be able to keep Andre out of it even if he wants to.
They’ll go after my father. And they’ll be killed. Like Rose.
I can’t accept that. I can’t allow that.
And there’s really only one way to prevent it.
It won’t be as dangerous for me. I’ll have opportunity that they won’t, a chance to get close. More than that, it’s my responsibility. It’smyfamily, my father—and I won’t let him hurt anyone again, certainly not Andre.
So I get dressed, checking every few seconds to make sure that Andre is still asleep. Then I hunt down my phone. It takes a while because I haven’t seen it since that night at Lush. But I find it on the entryway table.
Quietly, I slip out of the apartment. I take the private elevator up to Andre’s office, where the broken mirror catches moonlight and scatters it across the floor. I go to the overturned desk and search through the mess of papers and broken electronics until I find the card that my father left with the number that I couldnever have dredged up from my memory. I find, too, the other thing that I need hidden under Andre’s jacket.
