God, he comes hard. It’s so fucking powerful that it milks me of every drop, leaves me quivering in his grip as he strains against me.
He’s still spasming when he pulls out of me. I cry out at the sudden, awful emptiness as my hole clenches on nothing.
And that’s when he shows me how cruel he really is. He lets me collapse against the wall where I came. He leaves me.
I don’t believe it at first. It can’t be. He asked me a question that I never answered. But then … I didn’t answer his last question either.
Isthismy punishment?
I turn, clumsy with my pants around my thighs, unsteady with my body still shuddering from my orgasm. He’s gone.
He’s fuckinggone.
NINETEEN
Andre
It’s not that I want to leave Elias. Idon’twant to—and that’s the problem. That’s why I make myself do it. Because being with him feels so fucking good, so fuckingrightthat it almost feels like …
Like I need him. In a way I don’t understand. In a way that doesn’t fit inside any of my roles.
I’m blurring them. I felt it tonight, like I couldn’t hold up the walls between them, like everything was collapsing into …
Fuck, I don’t know.
A mess.
As I watch Elias from the shadows, I can tell he thinks that I’ve abandoned him, but what I’ve actually done is retreat. Something bad would’ve happened if I’d stayed. To him maybe, or to me. Something we couldn’t have stepped back from.
It’s hard to keep myself at a distance. I can hear him sniffing. He’s upset. Of course he fucking is. I just chased him, dominated him, fucked him, and left him in a cold, dark alley. I hate it. I hate myself for it.
But why? Isn’t that my role?
Fuck, I’m so confused.
Elias gets his clothes fixed. He hunches his shoulders. He starts walking. I shadow him all the way to The Axis. I don’t let him hear me this time. I just make sure he gets home.
When he’s in the building, I bring up the various camera feeds, watching him as I walk back to my car.
My tracking on his phone was spotty when he got on the train. When I realized he was headed to the Bronx, I got on his trail,but before I caught up, he got back on the subway, and I had to turn around. I still don’t know exactly where he was or why. He wouldn’t fucking answer me.
By the time I get to my car, Elias is in his apartment. He pulls two phones from his jacket and plunks them down on the kitchen island.
I didn’t see him getting ready to leave, so I missed the two phones earlier. I’ve been a little fucked up today.
He goes into his bathroom. I hear the shower. He’s in there a long time. I stay in my car. I don’t want to miss anything.
When Elias emerges in sweats and a t-shirt, he goes to the kitchen and checks his phone, the new one.
Is he looking for me?
I try to think what I could text him, but the only thing in my mind is,Are you okay?But I can’t send him that. In this role, I’m not supposed to care if I’ve hurt him.
I need the weekend to get my shit under control, to watch Elias from a distance, to calm down. I’ll stay at my warehouse apartment, well away from him, until Monday.
***
I don’t get that time because Elias spends Saturdaythinking. I’ve watched him enough to know. I can tell. He’sthinking. More than that—he’s planning something.
