By the time it boils, the argument has moved farther off, probably into the stairwell, and I’ve got my mug ready with a bag of ginger tea. I’ve taken off my shoes and jacket. I’ve kept the box in the corner of my eye the whole time.
I don’t know if I was expecting it to move or expecting it to start looking normal, but neither has happened.
I pour the hot water and bounce the teabag. I add a splash of milk and some honey.
What the fuck is in that box?
My mind kicks up wild possibilities. A bomb. A severed head. It’s big enough for either, but it wasn’t that heavy.
I set my tea on the square of counter where I usually eat. I walk to the bed and stare down at the box. I’ve left the tag turned up, so my name stares at me.
Elias.
Somehow, it feels more like a command than a label.
I sit cross legged on the bed and draw the box close. I pull the purple ribbon. The bow unravels and the ribbon, smooth and slick, falls away. I lift the lid off the box.
At first, I don’t react because I’m too stunned. I would have beenlessstunned, actually, by a severed head.
Then my heart starts racing.
There are four of them. They’re numbered, each one larger than the last. Four anal plugs. And a bottle of lube.
What. The. Hell.
There’s a note at the bottom. Hand shaking, I tug it out. This time, there’s no question that what I read is a command.
Prepare.
I blink. Prepare? Prepare forwhat? Obviously something sexual but—
Oh my god.
Is this from the ForbiddenX website? Is this part of my fantasy? Is thisreal?
Andprepare? What exactly does that …
I pick up each plug in order. I have toys, sure, but I’ve never used a plug. The first one looks okay maybe and the second seems probably manageable, but the third? And thefourth?
I can’t breathe. I scramble off the bed. I stare at the plugs. I’ve made a huge mistake. It was a stupid, three a.m. impulse and now …
I go back to the kitchen and get my folding stool out from the corner. I sit at the counter with my tea. My hands are too shaky to drink it, so I get out my phone instead. I’ll go to the website, see if there’s a way to cancel. I’m sure I read something about that. But my thumbs hover over the screen.
I put my phone down.
When my hands are steady enough, I drink my tea. Then I shower.
The box, of course, is still on my bed when I emerge from the bathroom. I set it on the floor and get in bed. I turn off the lamp and start watching funny cat videos on my phone, but they don’t distract me enough. I can’t focus on them.
I put my phone down and lie there in the dark.
It starts to come to me, my fantasy. The scenario that I’ve played out in my head so many times. Always alone. Always in the dark like this.
I feel like a different person without light to show me the shape of the world, without other people to show me myself.
I reach over the side of the bed. My fingers find the box then the plugs inside. I let my hand learn the shape of them, the size. I let myself imagine.
As my cock hardens, a new element slips into my fantasy.
