But I just keep standing here staring down at him. The hallway light falls grayly over his dirty, ripped jeans. The rest of him is lost in my shadow.
This isn’t right. Elias’s fantasy isn’t right. It’s incomplete.
But what comes next? Was I really going to take him home, lock him up, wear this mask forever?
“Come on, Andre. Let’s go.”
It jars me to hear my name. It feels like Wes is talking to someone other than me. And yet I turn at the sound of it. I pull the anal plug from my pocket and set it on the nightstand. I leave Elias in his bed.
Wes closes the door as I step out into the grimy hallway. If he can see me shaking he doesn’t say anything about it. He doesn’t say another word until we get outside.
Then, as we reach the sidewalk, he asks, “Would you have stopped if he’d used his safe word?”
“So youwerewatching.” It’s the first I’ve spoken to Wes, and the artificial sound of the voice modulator surprises me. I had forgotten about it.
“I had to. For his safety.”
That might be true, but I’m not going to let Wes excuse himself with it.
“You run a dark sex fantasy service,” I remind him. “Is that your kink, watching? Did you like how I fucked him? Did it make you hard?”
A muscle bulges in Wes’s jaw, but his eyes stay locked on me. We’re so close to fighting. Either of us could trigger it so easily.
“Answer the question, Andre. Would you have stopped if Elias had used his safe word?”
“I knew he wouldn’t.”
“But if he had—”
“There was no chance of it.”
“Then say it had been someone else,” Wes presses. “Would you have stopped? I need to know.”
“Someone else wouldn’t have been Elias.”
Wes is frustrated. He doesn’t understand that this role I’m still half in was made for Elias. It’s not relevant to anyone else. I couldn’t be this for anyone else,withanyone else.
I’m not going to explain all of that to Wes, however, and I’m done talking. I walk off.
He lets me, but he still doesn’t trust me. That’s why I see his headlights occasionally as I walk back to my car. There, finally, I take off my mask.
Getting in my sporty, expensive Jag is even more jarring than hearing my name was. The car is a set piece for another role.
But it’s one I’ve been playing for a long time, and I start to remember it as I shift through the gears and drive back to Manhattan.
EIGHT
Elias
I wake up so aroused that I can’t think about anything else. I vaguely see my apartment around me, but it doesn’t matter. I just need to come.
I get my jeans open, get them shoved down. I turn partway onto my front, one hand on my cock, the other reaching around to finger my hole. The soreness makes me bite my lip, and when cum leaks from inside me, I turn my face into my pillow and moan as I ejaculate on my sheets.
My body spasms. I gasp and shudder. I float in the dark, hazy memory of the woods. It feels like a dream, and yet there’s cum inside me.Hiscum. He fucked me.
Then he brought me back here.
I can’t form thoughts beyond that. I just lie there in my mess until I realize that I’m cold.
