He wanted to smile back. He wanted to get lost in the gold flecks in her eyes. He wanted so many things.
But he kept that wall up, that detachment. He fought with everything he had to keep that erected.
He made their excuses, escorted her back to her rooms and right to the bed—not for anything butrest.
“Sit,” he ordered her.
She looked up at him through her lashes. “I only follow orders if I like where they’re going to lead.”
“They’re going to lead to rest. You’ve pushed yourself these past few days. Fine enough if it were just yourself, but you are carrying around an extra human being.”
“Boring,” she muttered, but she sat down on the bed as he’d ordered.
He knelt and enjoyed the way her breath caught in spite of himself. But he wasnotgiving in to the nagging want that hounded him constantly. He was going to ensure she got some rest.
He undid the fanciful buckle of her heels and removed one shoe and set it aside.
“Gabriel?”
He glanced up at her, saw there was a seriousness in her dark gaze that had him pausing. He did not encourage her to continue, but he watched her face as wariness crept into him.
“What happened when you were younger?”
He stiffened in spite of himself. He didn’t know what she was getting at, except that of course he knew. He removed the other shoe and got to his feet. “You’ll have to be a bit more specific.” He picked them both up and walked over to her closet.
“The thing that changed you. That Alexandre saved you from. Your mother mentioned a change. I think they’re one and the same, and I think I should know what they are.”
He turned to face her slowly. She sat on the bed, a beautiful, stunning delight. He wanted to touch her, glut himself in her, over and over again forever.
He could distract her with that, avoid this question, but it would not be avoided forever, he knew. She simply wouldn’t let him avoid it forever, and then what?
Did he lie? Did he get angry? Or did he do the one thing he’d never really done—because Alexandre knew what had happened because he’d been there, witnessed it. Gabriel had never had to explain it.
Perhaps…he should. Perhaps this had been the answer all along. Instead of a secret to hide, a tool to keep her from falling any deeper into accepting this obsession that would only hurt them all.
She would be frightened by this story, and he did not want that. With a bone-deep reaction, he did not want her to look at him differently than she did now.
But wants were dangerous, weren’t they? If she didn’t hero worship him, perhaps they could solve this problem. He wouldn’t run away, she was right. He would not desert her or their son, but if there could be barriers…
To keep them both safe. They could have a marriage like Alexandre and Ines. For the greater good. A workable partnership, but none of this passion, none of these time bombs ticking inside him.
He had been depending on himself and himself alone to have control, but if Evelyne knew, if she understood, perhaps their controltogetherwould solve this.
He held on to this hope with a surge of determination. Ithadto be the answer. So he went about telling her something he’d never truly explained to anyone.
“I met a girl during my last year at St. Olga. She was a little bit older than I was. Perhaps a little bit more…worldly to my more privileged life. But I was quite taken with her.”
“What was her name?” Evelyne asked softly.
“Gia.”
“I hate her.” She didnotsay this softly, and there was something…amusing about the simple jealousy that shouldn’t exist and certainly shouldn’t befunny.Nothing about this was a laughing manner.
He scrubbed his hands over his face, trying to put himself back there so he could adequately convey the depths and breadth of his lack of control, lack of sanity and decision-making.
Thisthinginside him that endangered her.Andtheir son.
“She was beautiful, charming, fun. She…was exciting. Everything about her. I wanted to spend…all my time with her and the worlds she opened up, but she worked at the café we studied at, so she had responsibilities of her own. So there was…pining, I suppose.”
