They had tobe back from the honeymoon far too soon for his liking. But by the time they arrived back at the estate, he had everything in order. In his mind. There, the days and nights had been all the same. They had rarely worn clothes, and if they had it had only been for the purpose of the joy in removing them. They had eaten when they felt like it, slept when they felt like it, fucked when they felt like it. It had been exactly what he had hoped for. A kind of fresh beginning that was desperately needed. Without the baggage they carried everywhere else. And so now they were back at the estate. And he knew exactly how to take all the things they had created on the honeymoon and make them work here. They could be friends by day. Lovers at night. And it would not be the sort of uncontained passion his parents had had. The turbulence that had marked his childhood.
No. This would be good.
He wouldn’t even have to be as firm as he had imagined. Because everything with her was going so easily. Perhaps they were different people now. Perhaps this was much more feasible than he had originally thought. The sharpness might be worn away. A glorious possibility.
This was the first time he had felt entirely calm. Entirely in control. Today was the day they were finding out the sex of the baby. The doctor was coming to the estate, which meant that there was no need for the two of them to prepare to go out. He hadn’t expected to feel nervous about this.
“You’ve seen the baby before?” he asked as she lay down in the bed, wearing her nightgown.
“Yes,” she said.
“And everything looks good?”
“Yes. Everything so far has been completely normal.”
“I should’ve been with you.”
“We weren’t… It’s okay.”
Except suddenly it felt like it wasn’t, and he couldn’t readily explain that. At the estate, they did have staff. At the estate, they did live in that glorious bubble of isolation. This house held memories. And for some reason they felt particularly heavy today. Even as the doctor arrived and shook his hand. She was the same doctor that Heather had seen in New York. She had very generously flown over, though he also had a feeling they were paying handsomely for the privilege.
He didn’t care. Right then he felt like he would pay anything. As long as everything would go well.
As long as he could make sure that everything would be just fine. That Heather would be safe. That the baby would be safe. Things just felt heavy today.
He felt like something was clawing inside of his chest, trying to get out. An intensity that he had denied at every other point in his life, except at times when he had taken Heather to bed.
This thing that he had always thought lived inside of him.
The thing that had been confirmed when he had pulled that man off of Heather all those years ago and had nearly committed a murder over it.
He watched as all of the equipment was set up. He wasn’t particularly interested in technology, or rather he never had been. Not medical technology. But suddenly, all of these things seemed unbearably important. Because they would measure the health of Heather’s pregnancy. Of their child.
“Can you explain to me what everything here does?” he asked, moving in near to the doctor.
Heather laughed. “You’re not doing any of it,” she said.
“But I could,” he said.
“You didn’t go to medical school.”
“I could figure it out.”
“That is the most nonsensical masculine idiocy that I’ve ever heard. At least, since we negotiated our marriage contract.”
He looked over at the doctor, who wasn’t saying anything, but silently setting up equipment. “And we worked that out,” he said.
“In,” she responded noncommittally.
“Okay,” the doctor said, turning and smiling. “Heather, this time we just do the Doppler on your stomach. I’m going to do a full anatomy scan, and make sure that everything is looking like it’s on track.”
“What if it’s not?” Romeo asked.
“Wow,” Heather said. “That’s reassuring.”
“What. It’s a serious question. What if it isn’t?”
“There are certain things that can be fixed now in utero,” the doctor responded. “There are heart surgeons who can fix defects before the baby is born. And of course we look for other things. Things that aren’t survivable. And we would advise you on the best medical decision, but of course ultimately it’s up to you.”
