‘I want more. More than just a marriage that looks good on the outside.’
‘More,’ he repeated dully.
Oh, for god’s sake, she internally cried.Why are you making me say it?
‘You want to share a bed?’ he asked, his voice gravel and sending invisible shivers across her skin, which was nonsense, because she was pretty sure that he’d not lay a single finger on her in that way ever again.
‘Yes.’
‘Yes?’
‘Yes,’ she confirmed, with a raised eyebrow, daring him to ask for even more damn clarifications.
He opened his mouth and closed it again, and honestly if it wasn’t for how insecure it made her feel, the entire thing would almost be funny. She’d not exactly ever thought herself to be in the position of negotiating billion-dollar deals one minute and then half of a marital bed the next. But here she was, doing precisely that.
‘You said we’d work together. I want that. We’re married. We’re a team. And we’re going to be parents, to our child, who will need us to be together.’
‘Starting…?’
‘Is there a reason it shouldn’t be tonight?’ she asked with a lot more bravado than she felt. She was beginning to regret her decision to confront him about it. Until she remembered the hollow ache in her chest only the night before.
‘No?’
‘Is that a question or an answer Micha, because honestly—’
‘No, it’s an answer.’
‘As in no you won’t let me share your bed? Micha, I swear you make things so unnecessarily—’
‘Are you finished?’ he asked, coming to his full height, holding his hand out for her to take.
Now she was the one with her mouth hanging open like a fish, which she promptly shut with a snap. She looked up at him, knowing that this was new for them. New territory, new dynamics.
This is what you wanted, right?
Wanted? No. Needed? Yes.
And she did need it. They both did.
She placed her hand in his, heart beating, and let him gently pull her up from the seat. They were closer than they’d been even at the church as they shared their vows. From here, she could see the little jagged line of silver through his right eyebrow and stupidly wanted to trace it with her thumb.
But couldn’t. Couldn’t because she had to claw to claim only just a little. Because she got the sense that if she moved too quickly, or too far, he’d disappear from her like a mirage. The golden flecks in his eyes spun out like a snowstorm, making her wonder at all the words he was thinking that couldn’t get past his ironclad control.
‘Are you ready?’ he asked, swiftly adding ‘to sleep,’ as if she needed the clarification.
She nodded, truthfully, as a wave of near exhaustion threatened to overwhelm her, and let him lead her back down the stairs to the bedroom.
She held herself back on the threshold, knowing she had no right to ask, but unable to move forward until she had.
‘Have you…have you, with other women?’ Oh god, why was she making such a hash of this?
‘No. No one else has been in this bed, save me.’
Micha didn’t know whether he’d needed to say it as much as she’d needed to hear it, but he felt some of the tension ease following his statement.
He’d expected her to scoff, or question him, but he realised that that expectation wasn’t actually based onthisMaria. But the Maria from before. The middle Maria, he was beginning to think of as the person he’d avoided for eleven years. The one that had, whenever they’d come into contact, bit and hissed like a cat.ThisMaria was different and different again to the young Maria he’d once known, and maybe he owed it to both them and their unborn child to get to know her.
‘You can use the bathroom first if you’d like?’ he offered, and she nodded and took her toiletries into the bathroom that was accessed from back out in the hall.
