Leo shook his head. ‘You know nothing.’
She didn’t. Repaying debts owed was meaningless. It was theleasthe could do. Giving back money didn’t make the taking of it any better. Because he couldn’t give them back the time they’d lost, and money didn’t heal all wounds—as he well knew.
There were some people who would never recover from what he’d done. The trauma he’d inflicted.
‘I know a lot, because I’ve spoken to some of the families. They’ve told me how their lives have been changed, even though they never knew who their benefactor was.’
His blood turned icy. He’d buried that part of his life so well by creating a charitable foundation that gave back to the families he’d once helped to ruin. His greatest shame and yet the heart of all he was. He never wanted it revisited. No one was ever meant to find out.
‘Did you tell them who I am?’
‘No. That’s your story to tell, not mine. What I asked, was whether they’d like to say anything to the person who’d helped them.’
She reached into her bag and pulled out a folder with sheaves of paper in it.
‘I have these. Letters to the charity. Thanking you for what you’ve done. How you’ve saved each of them. Changed their lives for the better. Look.’
She thrust the folder into his face. He shook his head. He didn’t want to look at the words when all he could see was her.
‘You think this is the worst of you?’ Simone asked, ‘The worst was doing nothing. This is the best. It’s not who you were once, Leo, but how a person changes that makes the difference. You rose from your earlier life like a phoenix. You became someone better.’
‘Money doesn’t change anything, it just papers over wounds.’
‘Here’s the thing. You have all these people believing you’re good. You’re the only one who thinks you’re bad. Have you ever thought that might mean the problem’s not with all of us? It’s with how you’re thinking about yourself.’
‘All I ever do is hurt people. These families. My mother. You.’
Simone cocked her head, frowned. He wanted to smooth that troubled crease away. He clenched his fists instead.
‘What do you mean,me?’
‘You fell because of me. Because of my vanity.’
‘You wanted to give me a beautiful gift of that pair of shoes and I wanted to accept them, so I did. My fall was an accident. Just like your mother’s. Do you think either of us would want you carrying misplaced guilt for ever? These things aren’t your burden to bear. When I was in the hospital…’ Simone’s voice trailed off, Cracked. She took a deep breath, gave a shaky smile.
Would his mother have wanted this for him? She’d worked hard, long hours, to make his life better. But in the end, he didn’t know, because he couldn’t ask her. As for Simone…
‘You stayed by my side in hospital,’ she said. ‘Looked after me at home. Those weren’t the actions of a bad man, but a good one.’
She walked towards him slowly, almost as if she was scared he’d try to get away.
‘I love you. Despite everything. I wasn’t looking for it. I wasn’t expecting it, but it hit me all the same. You care about your staff. You cared about me. Around you, I began to like who I was again. And I hope, that if I love you, then maybe you can love yourself.’
For so long, he’d been dead inside. Rejected by his father. A petty criminal. Believing himself selfish. Vacuous. Good only for his looks and what he could sell. Yet, it was as if an ember had burst to life inside of him, bright and blazing.
Simone, believing in him. Loving him.
Everything seemed suddenly clearer, like a blindfold being torn from his eyes and he could see for the first time. Those moments when all he wanted to do was please her. To make her smile. Now, Leo didn’t think about what he’d done, but how those things had made him feel. Like a good man, a man who was worthy. A man who could make Simone happy.
‘Do you love me?’ she asked. ‘Because I think the man who showed me a waterfall on Lake Garda. Who sat by me every night when I was in hospital. Who created a beautiful room for me in his home that showed he knew who I was. The man who didn’t want me to fall again… I think that’s a man who loves.’
It was as if every part of Simone had been holding its breath and now, she’d allowed herself the briefest of moments to exhale. He hadn’t asked her to leave. He was listening and maybe it meant he might alsohear.She stepped towards him again, reached out her hand tentatively and placed it in the middle of his chest, the muscles firm and solid underneath.
‘This is where I feel it, in my heart. Maybe, if you let go of the things your head’s telling you, you might feel something in your heart too.’
She’d almost expected him to step back but he didn’t. Instead, he leaned into her touch. His chest rose under her hand, then he shut his eyes. The slightest of frowns on his forehead. She didn’t know what he was thinking. All she could do was stand there and hope, as the heat of him burned into her palm. Then his lips parted and he let out an exhale, opened his eyes and stared at her. The deep blue of his intense gaze burning like a pilot light, pointed in her direction.
‘I have no idea what I’m doing,’ he admitted.
