Morgana blinked at me as if I’d spoken in a foreign language. “Whatever you need to tell yourself.”
She didn’t disagree with me, so I took it as a good sign. I was all about the dream, not the nightmare.
“Imagine a door.”
A pink door popped into my mind just before it manifested in real time. It was the only color among all that black. It put me at ease, though it probably shouldn’t have, given that I didn’t know what waited on the other side. I knew where Morgana was going with the lesson, though. She’d asked me to walk through the door into the unknown, which wasn’t exactly the best decision I’d ever made.
“Have I ever told you about the time I actually died? Bike accident, not the badass kind of bike, but an actual bicycle.” Not that bicycles weren’t cool, but they weren’t as badass as a motorcycle. I didn’t take my eyes off the door, for fear it would grow legs and chase me. “This feels like that. Like stupidity in the making. You know what I mean?”
“What happened to Grym’s dick creating happy endings?”
“You go through that thing.” There could be monsters behind that door. I mean, if reapers and demons were real, then so were other things. There might even be creatures I’d never heard of.
“Think about the conversation you need to have with Aengus. I met him once. He’s full of himself, if I’m being honest, but he’s a loving person. Kind. I don’t know what else is in his realm, but he won’t hurt you.”
“Just every other creature in there.”
“Picture yourself conversing with him.”
I did what she said, picturing myself speaking to a person wearing a crown seated on a throne. Maybe he looked a little like Cupid, but that might have been some other god’s creation. I pictured red and pink hearts everywhere, as if his castle came out of a crappy Valentine’s Day card.
“I got it.”
“Good.” She guided me toward the door.
When it opened, I saw a forest. It was lush, with a walking path running through it. I smelled wildflowers and saw birds in the trees. The birds saw me, even though I hadn’t walked through the door yet. One squawked, but I wasn’t sure whether it was at me or trying to get the others’ attention, alerting them to my impending arrival. “Go in, Elliot. All you have to do is have a conversation with Aengus, then get back to us.”
I nodded. “Just the weight of all reapers and their beloveds. No pressure.”
She smiled. “None whatsoever.”
“How will I get back?”
“The same way you got in.”
“Right. Makes sense.” All I had to do was remember what the hell I had done to create the door. Easy peasy.
The door disappeared the instant I crossed the threshold.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Elliot
The forest was familiar to me. I grew up in the farmhouse my mother owned, which she left me in her will. I moved out of Hollowbrook after high school and stayed away until my mother died. After that, I moved back and only regretted it three times a week, when I was on shift at the hotel. Andre, my boss, killed whatever joy was in that place.
I definitely regretted accumulating debt. Spending money had been an outlet for my grief. For a moment, I didn’t have to think about my mom not being with me anymore. But it had been fleeting.
When I was a teenager, all I’d wanted was to be closer to my friends and to town so I could hang out and have fun. That was what I loved about living in the city. Everything had been closer. Restaurants. Clubs. Even the grocery store.
After moving back, the forest helped save me from myself. The workshop had helped, too. Whether working with wood or walking among the trees, the calm quiet helped me work through the pain. I’d begun to face it instead of burying itbeneath the things money had bought. Silence and familiarity were what I needed.
The birds and the wind rustling the leaves were the only sounds. The path was a grassy clearing, well-traveled in the middle where dirt showed through.
I smiled, even as the ache in my chest grew with each passing second.
I was being ridiculous. The separation from Grym felt like thousands of miles and countless years. I had a better understanding of why Gary had wanted to go to the afterlife. At least there, he had hope of seeing Charlie again.
Maybe the miles were accurate. I was in another realm. I wasn’t physically close to Grym at all. But the feeling that it had been a long time since I’d last seen him was far from the truth. It had been fifteen minutes. My body’s response was a lie. I’d lived my whole life without Grym until a few days ago. I shouldn’t be missing him as much as I was. I should be able to live the rest of my life without him, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to. According to Grym and the rest of the reapers, I was immortal. Forever would be unbearable without him.
