“I went to visit him once. Four years ago.”
Trey nearly startled right off the lounge. “What? Why?”
“I wanted to ask why me. Why did he fixate on me? Why did he groom me to be emotionally dependent on him? Why did he rape me, and not those other kids?”
“What did he say?”
Dominic snorted. “He refused the visit.”
“Bastard.”
“At first I was upset. I mean, what right did he have to deny me answers? Lincoln helped me see that it didn’t matter why he’d picked me. Knowing wouldn’t change what had happened, and I needed to move on as best I could. I needed to pick up my violin again and remember why I loved music.”
“The violin reminded you of him.”
“Yeah. It’s why playing at Off Beat that night was so huge for me. I didn’t even tell Lincoln I was going to do it, but when I did he was so proud of me.”
A tiny flare of jealousy lit in Trey’s gut. “I’m proud too.”
“I know. Starting a YouTube channel was Linc’s idea, too.”
“You have a YouTube channel?” Something else that he was the last to know about, apparently.
“It wasn’t supposed to be anything bigger than me playing my violin for a web cam and then uploading it. Playing for an audience without actually seeing them, you know? And it helped with my anxiety. Only I started getting followers. From dozens to hundreds, and now in the four digits. So I uploaded a video very vaguely telling my story—how music saved me from the demons that wanted to flay me alive. And I started getting comments from people, especially teenagers, about coming out and being brave and not letting things get so bad that you do something desperate and dangerous.”
“Wow.” Disappointment about not knowing about the channel until now couldn’t bring down his pride for Dominic and how far he’d come. How fucking strong he was, to go through something so horrible and become an inspiration to others. “You are so amazing, Dom.”
Dominic ducked his head, his lips quirking. “I’m surviving. One day at a time. Off Beat was freeing for me in a lot of ways. It laid one more demon to rest.”
“But they’re not all gone?”
“I doubt they’ll ever truly be gone, but one day I’d like to be able to take the stage in front of thousands, instead of under a hundred, and play my violin again. To really exorcise that fear.”
“What about adding your violin into your set for nationals?”
Dominic pulled back, his face so horrified Trey might as well have asked him to microwave kittens. “No way. It’s too soon, and I’ve never played my strings with the band.”
Trey put his hands up in surrender. “Okay, sorry. It just seemed like a ready-made solution.”
“I can’t. Not there.”
“Not there as in Unbound, or not there as in New York?”
The answer was clear in Dominic’s flinch. “Orchestra nationals were in Carnegie Hall. Same theater as Unbound.”
“But doesn’t that kind of make it the very best possible place to get up onstage and reclaim your joy? Reclaim everything he took from you?”
“No. Forget it.” Dominic’s face hardened. The battle was lost.
TWENTY
Trey visibly backed down,but something in his expression said he wasn’t all right with Dom’s decision. “Okay, I’m sorry I brought it up,” Trey said.
Dominic stared at him, not believing the words. He’d just laid his soul bare to Trey, told him his worst secrets, and Trey was judging how he chose to handle his shit? “You think I’m a coward, don’t you?”
“What?”
“For not playing my violin at Unbound. You think I’m a coward.”
