“I made them.”
“What?” Her mouth drops open, a vulnerable expression shining through the golden and green eyes I’ve become addicted to. Pure surprise. Lucie Ventura isn’t used to being doted on, and made to feel special. I rub at my chest, uncomfortable with that knowledge.
“I made them myself,” I shrug, self-conscious and clearing my throat. “Had to do the wine glass a few times, but I got better.”
It’s my time to swallow, throat dry and clogged. If the urge to fidget hadn’t been beaten out of me at a young age by my own brother, I’d do it right now. Instead, I remain still, waiting for her to tell me she hates it, but smile and lie about it.
Yet, I don’t see any twitching when she glances up again and thanks me. Then, she steps forward and threads her arms round my waist. They don’t make it around me and I love that a little too much. Her body is warm against mine, her cheek pressed to my chest. I hope she can hear my heart wildly beating for her. I don’t waste a second wrapping myself around her in return and inhaling her feminine scent. The only other time she let me hold her was when her cousin almost died. Vulnerability makes her pliant. And I already know she hates it, so I enjoy the moment.
“This is very thoughtful, Toma,” she says when she releases me from the best hug of my life. “But why the helmet?”
“It’s similar to mine. A little something to remember me by.” I wink, laying it heavy on the flirting, knowing full well she’s not going to take the bait, and she rolls her eyes.
It’s not exactly a lie. I want her to think of me, to remember that I exist. She simply doesn’t know today won’t be the last timeIsee her.
THREE
LUCIE
“I’m going to miss you so much,” Dante exclaims as he squeezes me into his arms, his broad frame enveloping me with that familiarity I’ve become so accustomed to.
Handing me a glass of red wine, he guides me outside to the terrace, where a few of his men are smoking. With a shake of his head, they disappear back inside. Sometimes, I forget he’s the Head of the Cosa Nostra here in London. To me, he’s just Dante. The brother I never had.
“There’s something I need to say,” he starts, his green eyes brimming with emotions. “I want to apologise to you, Loulou.”
I chuckle awkwardly. “Whatever for?”
“It was wrong of me to ask you to marry someone you didn’t know and didn’t love. I was a fool to ask you to go through with this. An asshole, even.”
“Dante, I?—”
He takes the wine glass from my hand and sets it down on a low, metal coffee table in front of the outdoor sofa, before inviting me to sit next to him. Facing me, his fierce determination illuminated by the fire nearby, he takes both my hands in his. “Don’t pretend it was easy and you did it gladly, Lucie. Not with me. I took your freedom. I took your choiceaway. And you didn’t even blink. I’ll never forget that you did that for me.”
“I’d do anything for you, Dante.”
“I know. But you will never have to. Not ever again. You helped me with this marriage, and you saved me last summer. Without you—” His voice breaks before he takes a deep inhale and smiles kindly at me. “We’re only cousins, but as far as I’m concerned, you’re my sister. I’ll never use you like I did. Please forgive me. I promise I’ll make sure you lead the life you want. If that’s away from us all, good. You’ll always be protected even if you prefer to stay away, Loulou.”
I gulp. His words remind me that I have no clue who I am without the life I was assigned to lead, without this role to play.
“Thank you. Right now, I just want a break from all the blood and death, you know?”
He smiles. “Of course.”
My eyes fill up with tears, and I look up at the stars so they don’t fall and ruin my make-up. “And people think you only escape the mafia in a body bag,” I chuckle.
“Oh, they do. But not you. For all intents and purposes, you’re still a Ventura, you’re still Cosa Nostra. You’ll benefit from the same protection you always did. But it’ll be more like a job we won’t talk about with you. You deserve to be happy and safe.”
I don’t know about happy and safe. The only thing I know is that I’m about to end up all alone. Again. It’s confusing. I’m on the brink of escaping the life that killed my parents and almost took the man in front of me, yet my heart is breaking.
After my parents died and I was shipped to France to live with a relative of the Ventura who treated me like the daughter he never had, I thought it’d be the last time I felt that way. But it stuck. Everywhere I’ve ever gone. With everyone. I always end up alone. If I’m not perfect and sweet, it’s even more chance forthem to discard me, abandon me. Who would stick around for a difficult child? That’s who I was before. If only the last words I said to my mum and dad hadn’t been‘I hate you’.
“I’m so proud of you for following your dreams,” Dante continues, oblivious to my inner turmoil. “I love you to the moon and back, Loulou.”
His words hit me like a knife to the chest, twisting with all the love he’s pouring into me.
It’s not like I don’t know what love is. My adoptive father, Bruno, is an effusive man. Despite teaching me that my place was to serve the family, he always made sure I knew how grateful he was that I was his daughter and how proud of me he was, even if I didn’t bear his name. He was still gone for business most of the time. My real parents were still dead, my hateful words the last thing they heard me say as they released their last breaths. And the friends I’ve made? They were never friends to begin with. They used me for my dad’s money and status. The lovers I’ve had? I was a stepping stone to get favours with my dad and move up the ladder of our organisation.
Dante’s speech is an acknowledgement of the wrong he did me. Something I never thought I’d get. But accepting his apology makes me wildly uncomfortable. I did everything right and still got abandoned or left on the side of the road. Little orphan Lucie, unloved, used for what she could bring to the people who were supposed to love her. Including Dante. What will happen when I’m not the little Miss Sunshine I’ve created for everyone? How worse can it get?
