She shakes her head and pulls her knees to her chest, like the revelation is too big and she needs comfort. I’m right here with her, ready to give her the space or embrace she needs.
“Yes. All my life, I’ve done what I thought was expected. The little girl who lost her parents in a mafia war should want to be away from more heartache, right?” She pauses before starting again, her eyes ablaze with vivid passion. “I don’t want to be away. I don’t want to smile when I’m mad or hurt. I don’t want to let people take advantage of me or my money. Fuck, how stupid I’ve been.”
“Hey, none of that, love. You’re not allowed to be mean to yourself.”
“People have smiled at me then taken from me for so long, and I just let them. Fuck, I let my cousin who vowed to protect me marry me to a man I didn’t know. I love both Aleksei and Dante but I still want to punch them in the fucking face.”
I smirk. “I’ll hold them down for you.” I kiss her brow and wait for the next part of her speech, eyes following the warmth on her cheeks. She looks like revenge and fuck if I don’t want to fall to my knees to pray to my new God.
“Thank you,piccolo. I want the power that comes with being who I am. I want the revenge against the people who hurt my family. And I want to wear pink doing it.”
“You’ll be the prettiest assassin the Cosa Nostra has ever known.” She smiles then, beaming with my support. “They’re never going to know what’s hitting them.”
The corners of her lips stretch into a slow, smug smile and gosh, I’m a goner for her. No matter what, I’ll make sure I become worthy.
“What about you? What do you want to do?” She asks softly and I tense. I expect her to dismiss her question and tell me I don’t have to answer but he doesn’t, remaining silent to allow me to find the words.
I rarely think about my mum, what I lived through.
“Anything as long as it has nothing to do with my brother.”
“Okay.”
There’s no judgement in her beautiful eyes. I take a fortifying breath.
“My father was a monster. Abused me and Petar, my brother, for years. My brother turned exactly like him. Maybe worse.”
“But you didn’t?”
“My mother was kind to everyone. Most of her clients really liked her, not only because of the service she provided but because she was always welcoming, warm. She’d listen to them.”
“She sounds like she was an exceptional woman.”
I swallow around glass, feeling like the kid I was all those years ago. In shock, scared by the man who kept him small and was cruel. I always tried to justify it, but he was simply deranged.
“We were still poor as fuck, and she thought my father would take us in, maybe even help her find more work at one of his brothels. That’s how she got pregnant originally. Anyway, after she died, he took me in. My saving grace was Petar. But my father started to pit us against each other, so none of us wouldfind comfort in the other. I think he was scared one of us would kill him.”
“Did you?”
“No. Petar did. But he got darker after that. Took over the business. His whole life revolves around how humans are just animals to be traded, beaten, and degraded. So I left.”
She doesn’t give me any words of grief and sorrow. Because even if the emotions takes on a different shade in our hearts, we don’t have to speak to share it. And words won’t help heal it. The only thing I know is that something beautiful grows around it. It doesn’t get smaller.
Lucie slides closer to me still, laying her head against my chest. We trace each other’s scars with soft hands.
“How did you get this one?” She asks as she glides her delicate fingers against a nasty scar on my chest. It looks like an animal ripped me apart.
“This is what earned me my nickname.”
“The Beast?”
“Yeah.” I hesitate. I promised her I’d always tell her the truth. “My brother had me fight in a pit. The man I fought against had long nails, like he’d been kept in a cell for so long. I killed him with my bare hands. It was him or me.”
We let silence grow between us as if it could heal us. Maybe it can’t but we can save each other. Heal each other. The organ inside my chest does a weird flip inside my ribcage.
I’m in love with Lucie Ventura. I fall asleep with more fear about losing her as the realisation dawns on me.
TWENTY-TWO
