“Roses.”
He grins before he claims my mouth again, tongue dominating me completely, stealing the breath from my lungs like he’s starved for it and I’m the only source of oxygen on Earth. The raw power coursing through me at the force of his need is a drug. And the anticipation at having him catch me is just as powerful.
“Ew,” I hear behind us and break the kiss. Mina watches us with part satisfaction, part disdain. She rolls her eyes when Toma adjusts himself, not subtle about it at all. He kisses my brow.
“Text me when you’re ready. I’ll give you ladies some privacy,” he says and nods to Mina before disappearing towards the bedroom.
“So, you trust him?” Mina asks, when the door closes behind his back.
“I do. I know it’s unconventional but he’s taken care of me so far.”
I retrieve my sneakers by the entrance door and start putting them on. Mina frowns. “Are you going out for a stroll? Without him, the man who literally follows you to the toilet?”
The tip of my ears redden.
“He doesn’t,” I scoff. “He’ll follow.” I try to remain cryptic but understanding dawns on her face.
“Okay, you know what? Don’t tell me. Before you two get your freak on, I have something to tell you.” The sudden shift of her voice, and the clouds in her eyes alert me that it’s serious. “I’m leaving.”
“Where? Back to Edinburgh? Tonight?”
She steps forward and takes my hand in hers, urgency lacing her next words. “No, Lucie. I’m going into hiding. I can’t marry that man.”
The last words are spoken in a hush as though the words could summon her fiancé. I don’t know much about the New-York Irish mob but I’ve been around enough Made Men to know they’re ruthless. We all have to be.
I close the gap and take her into my arms, tears springing behind my eyelids. I just met her and already I have to say goodbye. Though for once, I don’t feel like she’s abandoning me. I understand her need for freedom, her call to hide away from a life of violence and loss.
“I’m going to miss you so much,” I whisper in her hair, incapable of letting go. I know when I come back from my evening escapade with Toma, she’ll be gone.
She whispers a name. A place. One that I will keep hidden from anyone who asks, within the depth of my soul. Even Toma won’t know where she goes.
“Write to me?” She asks and I nod.
She disappears up the stairs to her bedroom. The clock ticks, reminding me of Toma’s promise. With one last glance towards her door, I text him that I’m ready, and step outside into the cool autumn air, towards the forest.
I have ten minutes before my stalker follows. I’m unsure if it’s too long or too short.
At first, I keep walking on the marked trail. My mind is reeling, fresh grief taking over. Mina doesn’t do goodbyes. Even when we went to parties this semester, she always disappeared with a kiss on my cheek, never a ‘see you later’ or anything. I thought it strange at first, but I guess it’s her way of controlling the outcomes of her messy life.
I’m the opposite. I always say goodbye with hugs that last too long. I was mad at my parents the evening I lost them. I nevergot to tell them how much I loved them. How much I wanted to show them my latest poems or drawing. I never created anything else after I lost them, numbing with false friends and alcohol instead. Anything to forget that I lost the people who loved me most and that I loved most despite the early-teenage angst telling them otherwise.
After that, I made sure I told my dad how much I was grateful for his steady presence in my life every chance I got. And he did, too. I like to believe it’s thanks to me. The man I met that first day wasn’t effusive like he has become. But he certainly stepped up to fill the needs of a twelve-year-old girl ruined by pain. His absence lately has left another hole in my heart.
Before grief can overtake me again, a branch crack behind me. My nervous system’s flight mode activates automatically. I freeze, listen.
“This is when you run,” a sinister voice comes through the trees though I can’t identify from where.
My heart pounds as I race through the dark, misty woods. I see nothing when I throw a glance over my shoulder, but my monster’s presence is a weight at my back. I stumble upon a rock and scrape my knees through my jeans as I fall, swearing but recovering quickly. I need to be more careful. I can’t afford to fall again, and lose ground.
The rational side of my brain, still active though getting erased little by little by my animal one, reminds me that another fall means I don’t get chased and fucked like I’ve dreamt for years.
The wet earth absorbs the sounds of my feet, but the traces I leave are clear as day in the mud. I pause. The trees sway with the shallow wind, a lament I know all too well. The veil between what’s real and my fantasy thins.
A broken branch from a nearby pine tree looks like a grotesque creature come to die in the middle of this forsakenland. It makes the perfect tool to cover the evidence of my escape. I pull on it, muscles straining with the effort until it cracks off the tree trunk.
My advance slows as I take time to swipe behind me, but I’m still moving, still leaving.
Brambles snap on my right. I straighten up to my full height. Bend at the knees. I don’t wait for another sound, for my captor to find me. I jump into a run, this time without looking behind.
