“I’ll never forgive myself. If I had been good, if I had told them I love them, maybe things would be different.” She hiccups.
“It wouldn’t have changed the wars your family was involved in.”
“I miss them.”
She continues to cry into my arms and my heart break for her. If I could, I’d take all the shards left at her feet and use them to fill in the cracks of hers.
When she calms, her voice is quiet, almost meek. “I felt so guilty. The knife started as an attempt at joining them. But it hurt and I’m a coward. And I loved my dad—my adoptive dad— and didn’t really want to leave him behind. Then, it became a friend, a way to anchor my pain into the physical, you know? I was always so sad but emotions are… I don’t know how to describe it. They’re so fleeting, and raw and hard to grasp. When I bled in my bathtub, the red was stark against white, the pain was intense. It was tangible.”
She looks up at me, her cheeks red and eyes swollen, yet she’s never been so beautiful, granting me her vulnerability when I know she hides it from everyone else.
“Thank you for telling me, Lu. How did you stop?”
She pushes away from me and I take it as my cue to return to my cooking. But this time, I keep glancing back at her, showing her that I’m here and ready to hear the rest of her story.
“Two years ago, I went on a boat trip with some friends. A girl I know made a comment about them, thinking they were stretch marks.” She scoffs and I want to get the name of that bitch to teach her a lesson. “Told me I really needed to get surgery to remove them.”
I slowly turn, the knife still in my hand. “What’s her name?”
Lucie licks her lips, leaving the bottom one wet and ready for my teeth. God, I love it when she’s out for blood.
“I already took care of her.”
My eyebrow hits my forehead. She’s not the type to kill someone for petty reasons. I doubt she’s ever killed someone, actually.
“I didn’t kill her.” She rolls her eyes playfully, and I drink her in. “I simply made sure her reputation was ruined and she had to move countries.”
“So ruthless,ružica moja.”
“Now, your turn.”
“My turn?”
“How come you were a virgin until a few hours ago?”
The memory sours my mood, but she shared her past. I can do the same. That’s the least I can do for her.
I leave the sauce on a low fire and take a seat next to her, pulling the paw of her high chair towards me so she gets as close as we can while not having her on my lap. Our thighs touch. The heat of her skin, even through our clothes is distracting but I refocus on her question.
I take a sip of wine, and brace for the pity she’ll inevitably feel for me. And the flashback sending me straight back.
“My father killed my mother in front of me. My brother has a habit of strangling his girlfriends once he’s done with them.” Her eyes widen but she clamps her mouth shut. A muscle jumps in her jaw, and that flash of anger, on my behalf, makes me want to drop to my knees and worship her. “I learnt early on that women are disposable for my family. I never wanted anyone to die because I wanted to get my dick wet. My morals are skewed at the best of times but that was too much.”
Her gaze is so intense, fire ablaze in her irises. I don’t know what to do with it so I joke around instead. That’s what my brother’s men did, all my life. “And I waited for the one, anyway.”
But as I say the words, they ring true and I can’t even summon laughter.
Lucie frames my face and drags me down. Our lips clash in a fierce kiss that has me dizzy. Her tongue seeks entry and I open for her. She lashes out. I follow. It’ll always be like this between us.
A fizzy sound breaks our heated kiss and I look to the stove to see the marinara going over.
With one last peck on my lips, Lucie whispers against my mouth, “I’m honoured to be yours,piccolo.”
I clench my jaw not to react. Not to get one one knee and ask her to fucking marry me, be mine forever.
Instead, I get to the stove and finish preparing our meal. We eat sharing funny gossip of the Ventura-Dobrev coalition. These men are teenagers, I swear. Lucie tells me where she travelled and what she loved most.
At some point, Mina joins us. She’s not warming up to me, watching me like she’s waiting for me to fuck up and shoot my ass for the mistake. It warms me. Lucie needs a friend like her.
