Turns out, it was way easier than I thought. All I had to do was make a brownie—after making sure they both eat chocolate and aren’t allergic to nuts, a trip to the ER would bemy fucking luck—to thank Gemma for cleaning my place. I think they ate it and fell asleep with the amount of sleeping pills I mixed with the dough. No one has to know. It will be my little secret.
Just in case, I pause on my way out of my flat. My door is loud as I close it but after a good six minutes of waiting, none of my jailers come out to follow me into the night.
I strut down the streets in my knee-high black boots and cute, short, sparkly dress. My cat eye is sharp and lips black as always. These past two weeks away from mafia business have been liberating, but nothing compares to the true freedom I’m experiencing now. I pause. Inhale the cool September air and after making sure no one is around, shake my ass and body in victory. It feels good to be anonymous.
When I continue my journey on foot to Mina’s place, my heart hammers in my chest. As if aware of something I’m not, like my brain hasn’t caught on. A shiver rakes up my spine and I glance over my shoulder. Only the low lights and darkness greets me. Passers by are going home or to their own Friday festivities. No one pays me attention but the strange sensation doesn’t abate. It’s somehow familiar. Like a shadow is watching over me.
I need to sleep better at night. I’m starting to get paranoid. That’s what happens when you have the childhood I’ve had. Though this particular shadow doesn’t scream danger and I don’t know what to make of that.
I keep my eyes on people around me as I walk, making sure to notice longer-than-normal stares or threatening body language. Yet, no one stops me or approaches me. My situational awareness radar must be broken with too little sleep and too much studying.
Mina buzzes me in when I ring her bell and before I know it, I’m pulled into the flat she shares with her older brother, Jay, and his boyfriend, Benoit. I tense when the blue-eyed, blondman tells me he’s French but he’s from Brittany so there’s very little chance he’s heard about my family on the other side of the Hexagon and I want to keep it that way.
Jay looks so much like Mina they could be twins. Same brown skin, long dark lashes and a scowl permanently etched on his face, except when he looks at Benoit. They’re really cute together.
“Your stickers on your phone case are so nineties. Very chic,” Benoit says, a bright smile on his face. I blush. My friends back home used to tease me relentlessly about the dolphin stickers obsession I have. I put them everywhere. I wait for the joke, the petty comment or outright degrading laughter, but all three of them smile and keep munching on the food displayed in front of me.
“They kind of remind me of someone,” I say, unable to tell them the truth. My walls around my life, especially my parents, are high and made of concrete.
Tears fill my eyes and I look up at the ceiling. I worked hard on this make up, I won’t have it ruined. And especially not if I want to make new friends.
Mina takes my hand in hers. Her skin is warm, just like her smile when I finally meet her gaze. “You got to tell me where you get them. Maybe my laptop could use some cute stuff on it.”
“Mina, you literally have a laptop cover shaped like a coffin and a bedazzled crucifix on your phone case. Dolphins aren’t your vibes,” Benoit says and we all laugh. Mina and dolphins just don’t match aesthetically, but I appreciate how she diverted the conversation.
I inhale deeply, settled by her touch. I’ve never talked about my parents to anyone but my dad. Not even Dante knows the depth of my pain. How much I miss them.
Sensing that we need a distraction, Jay stands. “Alright, sluts, let’s get going.”
When we put our shoes back on, Mina holds me back and gives me a quick hug. “When you feel like talking about whoever you miss, I’m here for you.”
She winks and doesn’t let me dwell on her offer. My cheeks hurt as I smile and nod, my throat clogging with the emotions rising to the surface. If I had known what friendship truly is, I wouldn’t have wasted the past eight years cultivating shallow connections I mistook for it. It makes me even more grateful Mina entered my life when she did. It’ll be good to have a friend who doesn’t have any connection to the mafia and the world I come from.
Filled with too much red wine and so many dips I fear my belly might explode, we all walk the short distance to where the party is held.
The University’s basement.
“Pretty awesome, isn’t it?” Jay asks with a smirk when he sees Mina and I mouth agape at the image in front of us. Students are everywhere, drinking cheap beer while dancing and grinding to the rhythm of the DJ who set up on a random study table.
I’ve been to parties. Hell, I’ve hosted parties. I’m not unfamiliar with people drinking and dancing but it usually involved a posh club or a yacht, thousand-pounds bottle service and wrecked sports car.
This… This is raw. This is real. Laughter mixes with the music. The smell of stale beer and sweat should be disgusting but to me, it screams freedom and being care-free. Even with the sensation of eyes on my body, not coming from the crowd.
“Keep an eye on your drink at all times. Call me if you need me,” Jay tells us. In an instant, he and Benoit are swallowed by the swerving mass of drunk people.
“Mina!” someone yells in welcome before hugging her to his large, already sweaty body. A drop of it is currently clinging tohis sandy blond hair like it’s on a life mission not to fall. He sees me and smiles like he’s known me all his life, hugging me, too. I could have done without the wetness of his shirt touching me, and I wiggle out of his embrace as quickly as I can. “I’m Josh. Mina’s boyfriend.” Then, like he remembers something important, he says, “wait, let me get my mates, you’re gonna love them.”
“Sorry about that,” Mina says over the pounding music.
“About what?” I yell back. “The fact that you didn’t tell me you have a boyfriend or that he’s the sweetest jock I’ve ever met.”
“He’s not my boyfriend. I just sucked his dick in the library’s restroom a few nights ago and he won’t leave me alone ever since.”
I don’t know if it’s the strobe lights shifting around us, but her scowl seems lighter and she has that glint in her eyes. “Oh my God, you like him!”
“I don’t like him,” she scoffs. “He’s just different from…” She hesitates and shifts on her feet. “He’s different from anyone I know.” I know a lie when it’s said straight to my face but I don’t insist. Whatever it is she’s hiding, it looks like it runs deeper than just who she chooses to spendquality timewith.
Before she can tell me how much she doesn’t like him, Josh is back with two friends in tow. Same build, like they’re on a sports team or something, dazzling smiles meant to have panties dropping, and eyes already shifting with the alcohol. I may have had a full bottle of wine by myself but it’s hard to miss that one of them, I think his name is Chris, keeps checking my tits out like he wants to bite them. The shiver that runs down my spine this time? It has ants crawling all over my skin.
