Chapter 12
CONNOR
“Alright, up and at ‘em.” My sister’s voice floods into my dream as something heavy lands on my stomach. “Back to reality, you go.”
I groan, grinding the heels of my palms against my eyes as I stretch out on the couch. The thing on my stomach rolls off of me and onto the floor. Opening my eyes allows me to see that it’s my helmet.
The too-small blanket that I’ve been living under bunches at my feet and I pull in a long breath before yawning. It has to be five in the morning. The sun isn’t fully shining into the windows, yet, and I can hear Irina’s boyfriend milling around the house while he gets ready for work.
“You’re kicking me out?” I ask her as I pull myself to a sitting position.
“Yep,” she nods. “You said ‘a couple of days,’ it’s been three. I put a sandwich in your backpack and filled up your water bottle. Go.”
I look at my little sister, standing in front of me with her arms crossed over her chest while she waits for me to move from the couch. Her hair is down today, pulled to the side to cascade overone shoulder. She’s only half-dressed, with pajama pants paired to a sleek blazer.
“I also said I need to clear my head,” I remind her. “You’re kicking me out before I’ve cleared it.”
“Yeah, because this is what youdo, Connie,” she tells me, dropping to sit on the coffee table. “You pick someone who’s completely unavailable, you get attached, you get scared or you get hurt, and you run. It’s not your fault, but it is your problem.”
“Awesome,” I grumble, “a psych analysis first thing in the morning.”
“Oh, I’ve had you pegged as anxious avoidant since I opened my first textbook,” she tells me as I push myself off of the couch, twisting my back to stretch it. “And as the almost-professional, I prescribe you exposure therapy. Gohome. Deal with your married fuck buddy.”
“Those words should never come out of your mouth,” I groan.
“Girlfriend.”
“No.”
Bringing herself to a standing position, she faces me, pinching her face into something resembling sympathy and something else resembling pity.
Her hands come up to my cheeks, firmly squishing my face between her palms as she holds my gaze.
“Sometimes, the hard thing is the right thing,” she tells me as she releases me from her grip. “Youtold me that. I already told Grady that if you’re still here when he gets home, to toss your stuff outside and lock you out. Go home and do the hard thing. It’s time to stop running.”
I’m only offered enough time to pee, brush my teeth, and throw on some gear before I’m practically shoved out of the front door and onto the lawn, where my bike is waiting for me.
“Yeah, I love you, too!” I shout to my sister as she runs back into her house to slam the door shut behind her.
As I settle onto my bike, I quickly type out a message on the phone mounted to my gas tank.
I sigh, weighing my options as I slide my gloves onto my hands.
Do I really meet her at her job and break her heart in front of everyone she knows?
Or do I insist that we meet somewhere else, where I can give her some time to get herself together before she sees another person?
Whatever choice I make, none of them will feel like the right one. She’ll wind up hurt, and it will be my fault, just like Tripp’s hurt will be.
Irina is right; I get it wrong, and other people pay the price for it.
I pull off my helmet as I settle into a parking space next to Julia’s SUV, but I don’t bother taking off my riding jacket. I don’t plan on being here long, and if I have to make a quick getaway, I don’t want to waste time trying to get my gear back on before I do.
With a quick text to let her know that I’m here, I see her stepping out of the salon. She looks around the lot, which is more full than I’d hope for today, but it’s fine. I’ll make it work.
We can’t do this anymore. I’ll leave it at that and I’ll zoom away without giving us the chance to climb into her back seat and screw each other – or even worse,talk.
“Hi,” Julia says, tying the strings of her apron around the front of her.
