As I settle into my seat again and poise to take the first bite of my food, I hesitate.
“You were really upset last night.”
Her eyes snap to mine before she looks back toward the table, pulling a drink from her glass of juice.
“I don’t even remember most of the night, Lovey,” she tells me with an unconvincing shrug.
I haven’t seen her upset like that in a long time. It almost looked like what used to happen to Edie; a flashback, a panic attack, the world seeming to fucking fall to pieces around her, and no one could get any of it cleaned up.
It scared the hell out of me.
Picking up the pair of aspirin tablets in front of her, Julia throws them into her mouth and swallows them down with a gulp of her drink, wincing as she sets the glass back onto the table.
The rest of our breakfast is eaten in an uncomfortable silence, only broken by the loud ringing of my alarm, telling me that it’s time to leave for the shop. Jules’s eyes move toward my phone in unison with mine, and we break to meet each others’ gaze.
“I only have two appointments today,” I tell her. “I can move them.”
“You don’t need to,” she says with a shake of her head. “I told you, I don’t remember most of the night. It was probably just one too many drinks.”
“Okay,” I sigh. After shoving my plate into the too-full dishwasher that I make a mental note to run when I get home, I reach for her chin to press a kiss to her lips. “I love you, Jules.”
“Me too,” she smiles before offering me another quick peck.
I pull my phone from my pocket as I reach the garage, scrolling through my contacts to find her best friend’s number, and I hesitate. With one hand on my bike and the thumb of the other hovering over the small phone icon next to Aislin’s name, I look back toward the door that leads into the house.
I could stay.
Maybe Ishouldstay.
My chest caves with the release of an unsure breath as I slip the phone into my thigh bag and the side of my curled fist whacks into the button that draws open the garage.
She’s fine, I tell myself.
We’re fine.
It’ll be a fight.
If I walk in the door and tell Jules that I had two four-hour appointments booked out today and both of them no-showed, we’ll get into a screaming match.
It won’t start as one – it will be slow. My frustration, her annoyance, our shared disappointment; we’re both so on edge right now that those small, insignificant things will meld together into one big, ugly, unrecognizable mess of anger that we’ll aim at each other for no good reason and once again, we’ll hear the death rattle of our marriage.
Lying to my wife is not something that I do often, and it isn’t something I’m good at, but if she asks me tonight how the day went, I will lie to her to avoid that fight.
I’ll lie to her to keep her just a little closer for one more day.
Stuffing my small sketchbook into my thigh bag, I secure the strap around my leg and reach for my helmet before heading out to lock the back door.
My phone vibrates wildly from its place in my pocket, and I reach for it to see the name of Brody’s girlfriend lighting up on my phone’s screen.
“What do you want, you little monster?” I playfully grumble into the phone, hoping that this isn’t about to be the one time that it actuallyisNia on the other line.
The lilted giggle that meets my ear tells me that it’s Nia’s daughter, Katie, like I thought it would be. She’s called me every week from her mom’s phone since their visit – usually to ask me ‘what does the beach look like today?’ or to complain about her parents telling her that she’s not old enough for a tattoo, yet.
“Mommy told me to call you and tell you I like my present,” she tells me, and the corner of my mouth pulls up into a smile. “I got to havefourpieces of candy already!”
“You’re gonna be obnoxious tonight,” I laugh.
“Well, I ate all my dinner,” she counters.
