“But our clan can’t be that!”I said.“And they can’t be expected to fight and die in their damned war for them.For what?A system that disowned them?That threw them into the street?That’s what they’re supposed to give their lives for?”
“No.And they won’t.We’ll protect them.But right now, Sebastian isn’t thinking about them.He’s thinking about holding the clans together and dealing with Rand before the civil conflict grows any worse.He’s balancing a lot, Lia.Not just our conflict, but the Circle’s war as well—”
“It isn’t just the Circle’s war!It affects all of us, as we saw today.If the clans think they can stand apart, they’re lying to themselves!”
“I misspoke,” Cyrus said, his voice as calm as mine wasn’t.“I’ve been in too many meetings lately where that’s what everyone is calling it.I know differently, and so does Sebastian.But the clans don’t look at it that way.”
“And this whole thing today is going to make Sebastian’s job harder,” I said bitterly.
“Yes, but he’ll deal with it—”
“Cyrus—”
“Hewill.That’s why I risked what I did to get him the big chair,” he said, talking about the reason Cyrus had beenvargulffor a while himself.
He had challenged his brother for control of Arnou back when Sebastian was one candidate out of several under consideration to lead the Were world.He was the best choice by any possible rubric—except the one the clans used.They wanted to see fierceness, a warrior, a big, slavering brute who could strike fear into the hearts of their enemies, as if this were the Middle Ages.
Which I sometimes thought was when most of the clans had stopped evolving.
So Cyrus had challenged and then thrown the fight, giving Sebastian a chance to look like the warrior he wasn’t.Not that he couldn’t throw down with the best of them, but he didn’t have that reputation because he preferred other methods.Methods that the clans didn’t value.
But the challenge—yeah, they had understood that.And as a result, Sebastian now had the big seat.I wondered whether he was currently happy about that.
“It’s his war, and we’ll help where we can,” Cyrus said, as if he’d been following my thoughts.“But we have our own war to fight, getting these people… something.Rehabilitation, recognition, some chance at a life.”
“How?”The more I thought about it, the more impossible it seemed.“The clans aren’t going to help us, and Sebastian—I don’t know what he can or will do, but I doubt it’s going to be enough.It’s down to us, and Cyrus… God.What the hell have I done?”
That last came out in a whisper, because I was only now realizing the enormity of what I’d taken on.Three hundred—and possibly more—broken lives.Three hundred shattered psyches.Three hundred traumatized, marginalized, and desperate people who were now looking at me like I was the Second Coming, and how the hell had this happened?
“What you had to do,” Cyrus said softly.“Or most of those people downstairs would be in the hands of the dark.That’s a victory, Lia.Youwontoday.”
“Sure.”
He arched an eyebrow at me.“Youdid,” he repeated, “but you’re right, we’re going to need help.I’ll work on that, but first, I need to know what has been going on with you.And don’t say you’re fine.We both know that’s a lie.”
“But it’s not, is it?”I had taken my arms back to wrap them around myself, but now I held them out again.“Look at me.A few scars, sure, but nothing serious, nothing debilitating, when I should be… I don’t know.But not like this!”
“No,” he agreed, the warm, dark eyes searching my face.“Not like this.What happened today?”
“I don’t know.What I told Sebastian—it was all I could think of, and he wanted an answer, but it doesn’t really fit.Not… everything.”
“It might.We don’t know what the captains of our people could do.Even the name has passed into legend.”
“Yeah, legends that don’t say anything useful!How am I supposed to deal with this when there’s no one alive who remembers—”
Someone knocked on the door outside.
“That’ll be the healer,” Cyrus said, getting up.
I caught his hand.“Tell them to come back later.”
He arched another eyebrow at me.“You need this, Lia.”
“You’ve seen me.I’m fine—”
“Physically, yes.”
“Meaning what?”
