“I’ll clean it up.”
I snort. “No, you won’t. Those pieces are going to be sharp. I will clean it up while you and your brother play tag over there. Go on now,” I tell her, letting her feet hit the ground.
Tanner looks at me fearfully, but follows Emily. Then I turn to Jane.
“I won’t hurt them,” I whisper.
She nods, but the tears are there. I pull her into my arms, much like I did for her daughter. I let her sob into my chest until she is able to get herself together.
“They have never had that,” she admits.
“They do now. I’m going to clean that up so no one gets hurt. Will you be okay?”
“Yes.”
The rest of the evening goes smoothly. The little hiccup seems to have made the kids even more comfortable with me, like I passed some sort of test. Jane remained subdued, though. I hate it, but let her process whatever she needs.
Then all too soon, I watch them walk back across the yard and head into their house to get ready for bed. It takes me a few minutes to clean up, and when I step back inside, the silence hits me like a train.
It’s quiet. Too quiet.
Turning toward the kitchen window, I can’t help but stare at the house next door and wish I were inside with them, even though I know I shouldn’t.
They aren’t mine, I remind myself.
I have no right to be there. None at all. I’m single. I’m meant to be single. Right?
Last night has been weighing on me.
When Emily broke that planter, I braced myself for the pain. I wouldn’t let anyone hurt her.
Mac didn’t hurt her, though. He dried her tears and then cleaned it up himself. It is so different from what I’m used to. Even my father wouldn’t have been so kind about it, and Emily is his granddaughter.
It’s made me realize that my father is more like Evan than I could have imagined. I never saw him hit my mother, but he could have. Maybe she was a better wife than I was. She always seemed perfect. I hated how she expected the same of me, butmaybe it was her way of trying to keep me from the pain I suffered.
I have been reevaluating everything in my life since being here with these people. They are more like a family than anything I have ever experienced.
This is what I want. This life that they have.
It’s scary thinking about that. I find myself reluctant to think about leaving anymore. I feel safe here. I don’t even think about Evan as much anymore. It feels like I am in this bubble that he can’t pop.
I know that’s delusional of me to think, but for once, I am trying to enjoy my life a little bit.
“Hey,” Mac says, coming into the office with paperwork.
“Hey.” I blush.
I’ve been thinking about Mac more and more lately—in ways I probably shouldn’t.
His hugs are so good, though. I have only had the two, but I feel like they helped heal something inside of me.
Fuck, I want to hug him right now, but that would be inappropriate.
“Is that for me?” I tease when I catch him staring at me.
He clears his throat. “I finished the oil change on the Camry. Also, the bus should be here any moment, so I figured if you are okay with it, we could walk down together?”
He looks so unsure of himself. Way different from what I’m used to. I like the vulnerability.
