Stepping out of the bathroom, I walk toward Tanner’s room.
He’s sitting on his bed reading a book from school.
“You didn’t talk much at dinner. How was your day?” I ask.
“It was fine,” he mumbles.
“Did you make any friends?”
He shrugs.
I sigh, moving to sit on the edge of his bed. “We are safe here. You don’t have to be on guard anymore.”
It’s something I wish I could do as well, but I know I never will. Not as long as Evan is out there, but it’s my burden to bear.
“How do you know we are truly safe?” he asks.
“Mac is right next door. Your father doesn’t know what names we are using. I haven’t used anything that would bring him here. He can’t find us,” I promise him.
“What if Mac is a monster too? How can we trust him?” He huffs.
It’s a good question. One I have had myself, but we can’t keep on this way. I need my kids to heal, so I need to heal too.
“You know, I don’t know, but I am going to be paying attention to his actions. Remember your dad? When he would get angry, he would say really mean things. He would hurt other things, like the wall and stuff. He would hurt me. He would say negative things about others. So pay attention to Mac. See how he reacts to things. I think that is how we will know he won’t hurt us. So far, he hasn’t done any of those things, so I am choosing to trust him.” I pat Tanner’s hand.
“Fine, but if he is mean even once, we leave.”
I sigh. “We can discuss it if it happens. I love you, kid. You’ve had to grow up too fast. Let me handle this, and you be a kid.”
He pauses, but then he nods once.
“After I brush your sister’s hair, I’m going to read her a story. You should go to bed soon.”
Leaning forward, I kiss his forehead before heading to the door.
“I love you, Tanner.”
“Love you, Mom.”
Shutting his door behind me, I make my way down the hall to Emily’s room. She is already trying to brush her hair, making me smile.
“Here, let me do that.”
After a quick brush and a longer bedtime story, she’s sleeping and tucked into bed.
I press a soft kiss to her forehead before whispering, “I love you.”
Leaving her room, I peek into Tanner’s room and find him asleep as well.
The walls start to feel like they are closing in around me.
Air. I need air.
Finding my way onto the back porch, I take a seat and stare up at the sky.
How could I have put us in this situation? How did I let things with Evan get so bad?
I know how. He was a wolf in sheep’s clothing. In high school, he was a sweet guy. Sure, he had his moments of outbursts, but I explained that away as teenage hormones. He didn’t mean to drink too much. He accidentally hit me.
