There’s only one person who I want right now. Fallon. The therapist told me to lean on those who give me comfort and support. She gives that to me. My friends do too, but she’s amother, and she already knows about the possibility of me being pregnant.
I tap Daylen’s arm. “Put me down.”
He does.
I wave awkwardly. “I’m heading out. I’ll catch you later.”
His face falls. “What? We need to celebrate. I’ll get the champ…oh crap, no liquor. I’ll get rid of all of it. Don’t worry.”
For some reason, that’s the straw that breaks the camel’s back for me. “I’m not worried about fucking liquor, Daylen. I have about a thousand things I’m worried about, but the temptation of alcohol isn’t one of them.” I try to shuck out of his embrace but can’t budge an inch. “Let me go.” Why is he so damn strong?
He doesn’t. He strengthens his hold around me and asks, “What can I do to help?”
“You can stop suffocating me,” I yell. He finally releases me, and I quickly step back away from him, practically gasping for theoretical air. “I appreciate that you’re excited, and I truly appreciate how amazing you’ve been, but I’m still figuring out howIfeel about this. Being a twenty-six-year-old single mom during the height of my career wasn’t exactly in the plan.”
“Single mom?” he questions in complete and total shock. “You’renotgoing to be a single mom. We’re married. You’re going to move in, and we’ll raise her together as husband and wife. We’re going to be a family.”
I ball my fists, ready to explode on him. “Move in?” I scream. “Husband and wife? Family?” I shout. “Do you even hear yourself? Daylen, we hated each other a few months ago.Hated. Like I couldn’t stand the sight of you, and I know you felt the same way about me. Then we got drunk in Vegas and got married. It should have been annulled hours later but Judge Decrepit decided to fuck with us for his own morbid amusement. We’re getting the marriage annulled at the end of the year. We won’t be husband and wife when this child is born. I’m absolutely not moving in here. We’re not together and never will be. Get all that through your thick skull.”
His face falls like he’s going to cry. It’s as if none of this occurred to him. I don’t understand why he would think we’re going to be one big happy family.
It pains me to see him so upset. Shit, that was harsh. I didn’t want to hurt him, but he wasn’t living in reality.
He trembles a bit. His hands are shaking while his brow creases in a way I’ve never seen from him before. He’s genuinely shocked and saddened by my words.
“Where’s the happy ending in all that?” he asks, looking like a lost puppy. “Where’sourhappy ending?”
I touch his arm, needing to comfort him. “Not all stories have happy endings, Daylen. If they did, they’d just be called endings.”
As if sensing his need, BJ nuzzles into Daylen’s side, and he instinctively rubs behind her ear, much to her obvious delight. I don’t think he realizes he’s doing it. It’s second nature for him to take care of her.
“Daylen,” I continue with a more even tone, “I have zero doubt that you’re going to be an amazing father. You had an amazing father. You’re already an amazing father to BJ. You’re such a good man and a natural caregiver. Our child is so fucking lucky to have you as a father.” I tap two fingers on my chest. “I’m the one who’s fucked up. I’m the one who might not be a good mother.”
I lick my lips nervously as I prepare to say something out loud that I’ve only said once before, and that was to the therapist in Maine. “When I was in high school, I was dating a college guy. We were together for several months. I thought I was in love with him. I came home one day and found him fucking my mother on my family’s kitchen table.”
“What?” he breathes in disbelief.
Tears fill my eyes. “Yes. My mother slept with my boyfriend. That’s the woman who raised me. That’s who set an example of motherhood for me. I’m not sure I’m equipped for this.”
He stands there completely dumbfounded. An absolutelynormal response to what I’ve just told him. Because no, it’s not fucking normal for a mother to have sex with her daughter’s boyfriend.
Tears now spill from my eyes. I see his internal battle, but because he’s such a good human being, kindness wins out, and he pulls me into his arms. I fight it at first, but he doesn’t let me go. He holds me, rubbing my back and kissing my head while whispering, “Let it out. You need this.”
And then I sob in a way I haven’t in the ten years since it happened. I sob and sob and sob until his T-shirt is soaked all the way through.
Damn her. I swore I’d never cry over her again.
When there are no tears left and my shaking has subsided, he finally releases me. “Let me get you some water.”
I follow him to the kitchen, where he secures me a bottle. I take it from him. “Thank you.”
He nods with a somber look on his face. “Are you okay?”
I let out a nervous laugh. “Honestly? I don’t know. I’m sorry if I was harsh. I’m still processing this. But, Daylen, I’m not going to be someone who stays married for the sake of the children. I’m confident my parents did that, and it didn’t turn out so well for them. They were both miserable for years. I care about you, I truly do, but you have to admit this situation is nuts. We’re not in love. Don’t you want to be in love with your wife?”
He runs his fingers through his hair. “I care about you. A lot. I could love you one day, I know I could,” he admits with complete and total sincerity.
“But you don’t love me now, and I feel the exact same way about you.” I hold up my hands almost in surrender. “I need us to slow down. I need to wrap my mind around this unexpected news. I need to figure out how it impacts my life and my career. Right now, the only thing on my mind is making sure I can finish this season. I have no idea when I’ll pop or how I’ll be feeling. I’ve been so damn tired for the past few weeks. Is it going to getworse? Will I have enough energy to play ball? Will my body changes end my season early?”
