“Why were you calling?”
She shrugs. “Just checking in on you. You’ve been kind of distant. I know I’ve been spending a lot of time with Vance, but I…umm…don’t want to lose our friendship. I’m just a little afraid to be in public right now with all the stalker crap going on.”
I throw my arm around her. “I know. We’re good. Honestly? I haven’t gone out at all lately. I’m trying to stay focused on our season and staying out of trouble.”
And I’m always exhausted and a little heartsick.
She wiggles her eyebrows. “Lots of Tinder guys coming by?”
Did I really used to spend so much time with Tinder men? I suppose I know the answer to that.
I shake my head. “Nah. No men and no liquor. I’m off all of it.” I thump my head. “I’m going for clear-headedness this year. Men and liquor fog the brain.”
Shay overhears us. “What? No men and no liquor for Kennedy? Has hell frozen over? You’ve been like a zombie lately. Are you sure you’re okay, sausage jockey?” she jokes.
I cross my arms. “Sausage jockey? Hmm. I kind of like that name.” Knowing they need me to be more like my normal self, I ask, “Speaking of liquor, how does a lesbian control her liquor?”
Shay bites back a smile. “How?”
“By her ears.”
The two of them laugh, and all is normal again. I appreciate that they’ve noticed my off demeanor of late and were checking in on me, but I’m keeping things bottled up for now. My therapist in Maine would disapprove, but that’s what I need to do for my own self-preservation. It’s the only way I know how to handle things.
After practice, I’m in the training room with Fallon. She’s kneading and stretching my lower back. It’s been bothering me for a few days.
“Does anything else hurt?” she asks.
I move around a bit, testing my body. “Not right now. When my back flares up, I occasionally feel something between a shooting pain and numbness down my legs. It’s like pins and needles at times.”
“Oh,” she says knowingly, “it’s probably sciatica. It’s a nerve inflammation in the lower back that can impact the nerves downyour legs. Lie down and put your legs straight out. I’m going to raise them one at a time. Tell me when the pain gets bad.”
After doing a few physical tests on me, she’s confident it’s sciatica. “We’ll start with ice and then move to heat. I’ll give you a few exercises which should help. We don’t want to lose you for the playoffs. I’d prefer you sit for a week or two sooner rather than later. If it gets worse or moves to another part of your body, please tell me right away.”
“I will. What causes it?” I ask.
“It could be a bunch of things. It’s not a lack of core strength for you, but it is for some. Same with obesity, which is obviously also not the cause for you. It could be overuse. Are you still doing those extra workouts?”
I nod. “Yes.”
“It’s probably that. I used to get it all the time when I was pregnant with Harper. Pregnancy is a known cause, but I assume it’s not that,” she says in a jovial tone.
And that’s the moment it hits me like a lightning bolt. I haven’t gotten my period in a while. In fact, we’re over six weeks into the season, and I haven’t had it at all. Never since I got my first period at age thirteen have I been anything but perfectly on schedule. Did I fuck up my birth control pills?
I practically leap off the table and grab my bag. Rummaging through for my cosmetic case, I pull out my pills and open them. No, everything is in order. Did I miss one? No, I didn’t. I never do.
Did I get drunk and throw up my pill? No, I haven’t been wasted since Vegas.
And then I remember the night with my brother and Booster. We all got a small bout of food poisoning. I was sick that night, and the next day was the day I had sex with Daylen. We didn’t use a condom for a few minutes.
Fallon walks over to me and notices the birth control pills in my hands. “Kennedy, could you be pregnant?”
I think I’m in shock. It takes me a while to respond, but when I do, I say, “I…I…I think I might be.”
She sucks in a breath. “Oh shit. Who’s the father?”
I’m completely speechless, at a loss for words as my brain starts to spin. My breathing becomes labored.
She places her hand on my back. “Relax, sweetie. Deep breaths. It’s going to be okay. Sit down. You look like you might faint.”
