Dr. Ludwig twists her lips. “Hmm. Can we be more specific?”
I sigh. “My mother, those who are mean to people I care about, and it used to be Daylen, but…well…you know.”
She nods. “I do. As we’ve discussed, he’s morphed throughout the past year from a thorn in your side to a bit of a protector, and you’ve never felt protected before.”
She thinks that’s why I have this hard exterior. Because I’ve always felt the need to protect myself, not feeling like anyone else was doing it.
On the same note, she thinks I’ve done a lot of personal growth throughout the past year, well before I got here, but, as she’s said many times,Rome wasn’t built in a day.
She’s not wrong about Daylen. I probably feel safer around him than I’ve ever felt with a man. We can yell and scream and poke at each other until we’re blue in the face, but I can’t deny the fact that he’s proven to be someone I can trust. I know he would never let anything bad happen to me, and I can’t say I’ve ever felt that way about a man before.
I nod, having no interest in discussing him further.
“And Fallon,” she continues. “She’s the first true maternal figure you’ve ever had, at least in a very long time.”
Dr. Ludwig knows everything that’s gone on with my mom and understands why I have no interest in rebuilding that relationship. She tried to prod me further on that, but I shut her down. Not happening. I know I’m fucked up and have some relationships in need of improvement, but that one is beyond fixing.
I exhale a long breath. “Yes, but I haven’t known her that long. It’s only been a few months.”
“You can’t help how you feel, Kennedy. You feel drawn to her. You feel safe with her. Safety is a big thing for you. Again, she’s filling this void you’ve had for a very long time and have clearly been craving. It’s okay to admit that. Sometimes a girl just needs her mom. You haven’t ever had that, and now thisnurturing, maternal figure has entered your life and given you things it’s very normal to want.”
I nod again and reply, “I didn’t know I needed it until someone gave it to me.”
She smiles. “Good. And your father?”
I swallow. “While he wasn’t father of the year when I was growing up, I acknowledge I may have misunderstood a few things about him and am more open to mending fences with him at some point. My brother is my priority, but I’ll be more communicative with my father moving forward. I promise.”
She nods, obviously pleased with my response. “Wonderful. I hope these two weeks have been helpful. Sometimes we need an outsider’s perspective to open our eyes to things. Two weeks of working on yourself doesn’t cure all, but I hope you feel as though this therapy has been enlightening.”
I pinch my lips together, wanting to be honest with her because she’s been honest with me. “I think parts of this have been helpful, but the thing about therapy is that people who go are there because of other people who actually need therapy but don’t get it. It’s kind of chicken-egg.”
“I understand what you’re saying. You can't control how other people act; you can only control your own reactions to them. We can always work on ourselves even if others choose not to. Every single one of us is a work in progress. I think you’ve progressed quite a bit in your two weeks here. Maybe you’ll consider opening up to people in your life now that you have quite a few who you trust. Sometimes just talking about things helps, whether with a professional or not. I’m not telling you that you need therapy. I’m telling you that you don’t have to feel alone. You don’t have to carry all your burdens alone. You have people in your life with whom you can share them. Let them carry that weight with you. I promise it will weigh less heavily if you do.”
A year ago, I would have laughed in her face for that comment. Now I think she’s right.
A year ago, I hated Sulley O’Shea with a passion. Now she’s the reason I have a relationship with my brother, always pushing and encouraging me on that front.
A year ago, I didn’t have a circle of girlfriends who I felt I could depend on. Now I do.
A year ago, I had no interest in a relationship with my parents. Now I’m considering spending more time with my father.
And then a quieter voice inside my head reminds me that a year ago, I knew that no man on this planet gave a shit about me. Now I have one who does. And he’s my damn husband. For now.
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about Daylen over the past two weeks. While I’m starting to feel close to him, what will happen at the end of the year when we get the marriage annulled? Will he want nothing to do with me? Will we go back to hating each other like we always have? The way he kissed me at the airport had my head spinning and only served to confuse me more.
I don’t want to be enemies, but I equally don’t want to get hurt. I feel like I’m on a one-way train to heartbreak. There’s only one solution to this. I need to derail the train before it reaches its inevitable destination.
DAYLEN
I’m sitting at the dining table by my pool, eating juicy steaks I cooked. Vance, Beau, and Champ are sitting out here with me. Kennedy returned yesterday. She didn’t contact me. In fact, she was radio silent for the full two weeks she was gone. I assumed they didn’t let her have her phone, but she could have contacted me on her way back or when she got back.
The fact is, I’ve missed her. Terribly. I’ve gotten used to having her around all the time, and then she was gone. Nothing. It was…lonely.
I’m trying to figure out why she didn’t reach out when she returned. I kissed her at the airport when I said goodbye, and she let me. It was an amazing kiss. I know she felt it too. I had to steady her on her feet afterward.
So why didn’t she call? Why do I sound like a girl?
Sulley is taking the Beavers’ team out to a nice dinner tonight to celebrate Kennedy’s return. It’s her way of thanking Kennedy for her sacrifice. Then we’re all meeting at a club to celebrate. I don’t know why I’m so nervous, but I am. I’m not sure how to act around her anymore.
