Alyssa interrupts, “Lesbians also have food red flags, but they’re different from straight people’s food red flags. Women who don’t like sushi are a huge red flag for us.” She wiggles her eyebrows up and down, and we all laugh.
Twenty minutes later, we walk into the airport, and I notice a luggage store in the terminal. I turn to the girls. “Why is there always a shop selling luggage at the airport? Who’s going on vacation, carrying armfuls of clothing, saying,I'll pack when we get to the airport?”
Sulley shrugs. “That’s a good point. Maybe it’s for people who break their luggage.”
I shake my head. “No way. Are there really enough people who break their luggage to necessitate an entire store dedicated to it at the airport?”
They all laugh like I’m the funniest person on the planet. I’m not sure I’ve ever had teammates who are as amused by my often-off-putting sense of humor as this group. We’ve known each other for less than a year, but they’re already the best friends I’ve ever had. They accept me for me, and I’ve truly never had friends who have done that before. I don’t think I realized how much I needed it until I had it.
Sulley leans over to my ear. “Don’t forget that your brother’s birthday is next week. You’re going to get him those shoes he wants, right?”
Fucking expensive shoes. “Maybe something a little less extravagant is in order.”
She crosses her arms in obvious disapproval. Always pushing. She’s a pain in my ass.
I look back and yell, “Hurry up, Booster,” taking my frustrations out on my intern as he struggles to carry all our luggage through the airport.
He momentarily drops the bags to adjust the crotch of histight gray sweatpants. “I’m doing my best, Queen. It’s umm…a little hot in here.”
Sulley gives me a bemused expression as she whispers, “I can’t believe you make him wear those sweatpants that are purposely a size too small.”
I shrug. “I told you before, it’s payback for decades of men forcing women in their employment to wear small, uncomfortable clothing.”
I’malwaysforcing him to wear clothing that is too small for him. Shorts, pants, T-shirts, sweatshirts. All of them. It wildly amuses me to see him struggle. Do men think women enjoy wearing short skirts, tight midriff-bearing shirts, and high heels to serve food and alcohol for an eight-hour shift? Hell no. It’s time for men to suffer too.
She whispers back, “He’s a nice guy, he works for you for free, and he actually works hard at it. Give him a break now and then.”
I roll my eyes. “Oh, please. He loves the attention. When has a woman as hot as me ever given him the time of day?”
She smiles as she shakes her head in exasperation.
“If he were so miserable, he would quit,” I add.
She raises her eyebrows like she’s scolding me, and now I feel bad. Crap, I’ll do something nice for the little shit.
We get to the plane and wait at the bottom of the steps while Booster loads everything for us. God, I love having him around. When he’s finished, I turn to him. “Enjoy your weekend off…after you pick up my dry cleaning.”
He nods. “Yes, Queen. It’s already on our shared calendar. I’m on top of it.”
I hand him a credit card. “Oh, and can you please buy my brother those Alexander McQueen sneakers he’s been wanting for his birthday next week? The ones my parents refuse to buy him because of the cost.”
I hear a squeal of excitement from Sulley while Booster grins widely. “Oh wow,” he exclaims. “He’s going to freak out. He’sbeen dying for those and was so bummed when your parents told him no. He and I were salivating over them in a store window just the other day.”
I feel an elbow from Sulley before she clears her throat. I look at her, and she nods. She’s like a damn angel on my shoulder, always pushing me to make the “right” decision. I’ve traditionally preferred to listen to the devil on the other shoulder, but Sulley’s voice has become louder over the past year. I’m dangerously close to becoming a nice person.
Exhaling a long breath, I point at the card. “Get a pair for yourself too. Consider it your bonus for doing such a great job for me over the past few months.”
His face lights up like it’s the greatest news he’s ever received. “Are you for realz right now?”
“Asrealzas tits on a bull,” I respond.
He looks at me in confusion, not remotely understanding my joke. I shove him. “Just go get the sneakers for both of you. Enjoy them. Don’t do something stupid like walking in mud with them on the first day.”
He bounces up and down like a little girl. “Thank you, Queen. Have a great trip. I’ll be right here waiting to pick you up on Sunday with the Chinese takeout you requested.”
I pat him on the head. “Good boy. Don’t forget the chow mein.”
He nods, and then we finally ascend the steps onto the plane. Sulley throws her arm around me. “Didn’t that feel good?”
