Monthly poker games in Tanner’s mancave have become a tradition among my closest group of friends, who all happen to be Tanner’s clients. Vance is always here, along with three professional baseball players from the Philly Cougars. Layton Lancaster recently retired, but he was the face of the Cougars for over a decade. Trey DePaul is their third baseman who’s happily married with a baby son. Cruz “Cheetah” Gonzales is their speedy center fielder, who’s dating professional softball player Kamryn Hart.
To say that Kam is my dream girl would be an understatement. She’s smart, sexy, talented, funny as hell, sassy as sin, and just plain perfect. Unfortunately, Cheetah met her first, soI immediately backed off. I would never interfere in my friends’ relationships, but he found himself a rare gem among a sea of unremarkable stones.
Her twin sister, Bailey, also a professional softball player, moonlights as Tanner’s nanny. She’s much more subdued than Kam, and I’m pretty sure Tanner is in love with her. They’ve been secretly fucking for nearly a year, but Tanner refuses to talk about it, and we don’t pry.
Layton is married to one of their teammates, Arizona Abbott. They eloped last year but are having a big reception this fall during our bye week. It was cool of them to do it then, enabling Vance and me to attend.
The Cougars had a day game today, and the WAGs are having themselves a girlie night, so it was the perfect night for us to have our monthly game, which gets hard to schedule at times. I love this group of men like the brothers I never had and truly cherish this time of busting balls, good food, good drinks, and lots of laughs.
Our season starts this week, and things are about to get crazy for us. It’s been a fun summer. We’ve spent a lot of time with the Beavers players. Besides Kennedy, I like all of them very much. Sulley and Vance seem to have achieved a level of peaceful co-existence. I know he has a crush on her, but he refuses to talk about it.
Tomorrow is the Beavers’ last game before our season begins, which means Kennedy is about to lose our bet, and I’ll join her postgame interview. Watching her try to win over Champ all summer has been a riot.
I can’t imagine Kennedy normally gets turned down by men, so this rejection must be rattling her. I’m sure men usually fall at her feet. As much as I dislike her, her body is ridiculous, and nostraightman could possibly be immune to it. She has the best tits. I had a wet dream thinking of what they might look and feel like the other night. I woke up disgusted with myself, but it happened. I think it’s becauseI’m always being subjected to watching them bounce. Be it on the dance floor or the stadium floor, she’s always moving around, and they’re bouncing. It’s hypnotizing.
Women’s tits are the reason I know God has a sense of humor. He creates the most perfect, squishy stress reliever in existence, but then he puts it on the one thing that causes the most stress.
Kennedy has mostly given up on Champ. He obviously pays her no attention, but watching her swing and miss has become my favorite pastime. She tries not to be obvious in front of everyone, but because I know what she’s trying to do, I keep a careful eye on her. And I know exactly what I’m going to say and do on camera tomorrow night to embarrass the shit out of her. We agreed to no limits, and I’m going to smash it out of the park.
Layton smirks at my Iron Woman comment. “You better not tell that joke in front of the girls. You’ll get your balls fried for it.”
Vance’s trademark scowl momentarily disappears. “Daylen gets his balls fried all the time by Kennedy Jeffries. It’s a fucking riot. She hands him his ass on a daily basis. They’re gonna hate fuck one of these days. I just hope they both survive the encounter.”
I purse my lips. “I willnevertouch that bitch. She and her fucking red flags drive me nuts. I was wearing white jeans the other night, and she told me that’s on her red flag list. What’s wrong with white jeans?”
Cheetah scrunches his face. “They’re kinda girlie. I don’t like them for men either. I think chicks can be both green and red flags at the same time. If you grab her by the throat and she smiles, you know right then and there she’s both. She’ll definitely be a problem,” he wiggles his eyebrows up and down, “but you’ll havea lotof fun along the way.”
Trey bites back his smile. “As the longest tenured married man here, let me give you some advice.” He winks at us. “Holdher hand in public, hold her throat in private, but smack her ass everywhere.”
Words to live by.
Tonight is the night.Kennedy keeps glancing my way during her team’s warm-ups. For the first time ever, she appears nervous. Fuck, this is going to be fun.
I purposefully wore white jeans, a Hawaiian shirt, sandals, and I capped it all off with a giant gold chain that would put Mr. T to shame. I even managed to find the biggest, fruitiest drink they have in the arena. I’ve got that in one hand and my Android in the other. I’ve messed my hair up as much as possible and shaved my face in an uneven manner, all knowing how much she hates anunkemptman. I think I’ve got nearly every red flag she mentioned working for me tonight.
The game hasn’t started yet, and I see Coach walking across the floor toward our seats. I nod at him. “Hey, Coach. You didn’t have to walk your old ass all the way over here. If you missed me, I would have come to you.”
He narrows his eyes at me. “Humblecut, believe it or not, I’m okay walking twenty feet. I come from a generation that had no remote controls. When I was a kid and we wanted to change the channel, I had to fucking get off my lazy ass and walk over to the TV to change it. And we only had four stations. And the reception sucked. And I had to stand next to the TV sometimes just so it would work because I was a human antenna.”
“Must be your magnetic personality,” I deadpan. “What brings you over, Coach?”
He looks me up and down. “Why are you dressed like the mentally slow guy fromThe Hangover?”
Vance, Presley, and Beau, all seated around me, burst outlaughing. Vance agrees, “Holy shit, that’s exactly who you look like. All you need is a man-purse to complete the outfit.”
I proudly pull my new purchase, another of Kennedy’s red flags, from under my chair and hold it up. “I love my man purse. By the way, it’s called a satchel. I can’t believe more men don’t carry them. So much better than having keys, condoms, and a wallet in my pocket. I can also fit way more condoms in this, keeping my options open and plentiful for the evening.”
Coach scowls at me. “Something ain’t right with you, Humblecut.”
I nod. “My father would agree.” I turn to Vance. “Speaking of my father, the fam is coming to the game tomorrow. Want to have dinner with us afterward?”
His face lights up as he nods before Coach retreats to his seat. Vance is amused by my silly, fun family. His coming home with me for dinners and holidays is commonplace. Since he’s had some drama in his hometown, it’s difficult for him to go home.
The game finally gets underway. Layla is playing particularly well tonight, with a ton of rebounds and points. I lean over to Presley. “Layla looks great.”
He raises an unamused eyebrow. “You lookin’ at my wife’s ass, D?”
I start to get defensive. “No, of course not. That’s not what I meant. I just?—”
