Beau is obsessed with the science of working out and it all being based on increased levels of testosterone. He believes that the higher your testosterone, the more muscle you can build. I can’t argue with the results. The guy is a Mack truck. I’ve never met a person with more muscle than Beau Fudd. It doesn’t hurt that he’s hard working and extremely disciplined.
He’s always finding new and creative ways to increase our testosterone levels. Hell, he had us all sunbathe naked last week because direct sunlight on your balls is supposed to increase testosterone production. And like the dutiful followers we are, nearly the entire team participated. Most people are familiar with the termblue balls, but the entire Camels team is now well-acquainted withred balls, as in sunburn. Those were a few rough days for all of us. I had Chef Benny at every drug store in southeastern Pennsylvania buying them out of aloe vera.
“Porn, I understand, but oysters?” I make a look of disgust. “Who’s the person who looked at an oyster and said, this smelly, snotty substance would make a delicious and expensive delicacy?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know the answer to that, but I do know that oysters have a ton of zinc, which is a mineral that helps with natural testosterone production.”
I twist my lips. “Hmm, I’d rather eat ass. That’s my favorite delicacy.”
Beau raises an eyebrow. “It’s a bit less hygienic than oysters.”
I shrug. “If we’re not supposed to eat ass, why is it between two buns?”
I see Beau trying to fight his smile as we sit in the stadium chatting, waiting for the Beavers’ game to start. We went to their home opener the other day. It was a blast. The atmosphere in the stadium was electric. The fans are excited to have this new team in town, and the level of play was incredible. These women are amazing and so damn fun to watch.
Between Presley wanting to support Layla and Vance being obsessed with Sulley—though he pretends otherwise—I have a feeling we’ll be attending a lot of these games.
Our seats are on the floor, close to the action. Coach, Pierce, and his ex-wife have seats directly across from us on the floor. I give Coach an overenthusiastic wave, and he rolls his eyes. I love fucking with him. He pretends to be annoyed, but I know he loves me deep down. Well, I’m ninety-nine percent sure he loves me.
My agent, Tanner Montgomery, walks toward me with his daughter, Harper. She’s fucking adorable. I think she’s around eight years old but has the vocabulary of a Rhodes Scholar. I don’t understand half of what comes out of the kid’s mouth. She’s always happy and excited. For some reason, she’s drawn to me, always running to me when she sees me. I love it. I love kids.I truly can’t wait to have my own one day. I’ve seen many guys on the team become fathers. They’re always so nervous about it. Not me. If I had the right woman, I’d want an army of kids right now. It’s finding the right woman that’s proven problematic.
I take in Tanner as he approaches in his always-present business suit. He’s in his forties, with dark hair and a dark beard, both getting grayer by the year. He says it’s because of me, but I know he’s joking. I’m not a difficult client. I’m thankful for all he’s done for me, including negotiating my amazing new contract, which will set me up for life. He’s not only my agent, he’s one of my best friends.
When I came out of college, I was solicited by agent after agent. My mind was spinning, but there was something special about Tanner. He didn’t bullshit me. He told me my rookie contract wasn’t going to be life-changing money. That teams were a little cautious about drafting me because of my party-boy reputation. I would have to prove myself for a few years before earning that big payday. All the other agents promised big money right away. There was something about Tanner’s honesty and integrity that drew me to him. He was a straight shooter then, and he’s the same now.
He used to live and work in New York City, but after his divorce five years ago, when his ex-wife wanted to move to Philly, he relocated his entire sports management company because he didn’t want Harper to have to travel all the time between Philly and New York City. He’s a great agent, but more importantly, he’s a great father and a great man.
I see his ex-wife, Fallon, walking in with them. She’s a blonde-haired, blue-eyed smoke show. She’s only a few years older than me. If she wasn’t his ex-wife, I’d happily ask her out. Their marriage always felt a little robotic to me. It wasn’t like my parents’ playful, loving marriage. My parents were marriage goals.
Tanner and Fallon have a good relationship and verypeacefully co-parent Harper, as evidenced by the fact that they seem to be coming to these basketball games together.
Harper sprints toward me and leaps onto my lap. Throwing her little arms around my neck, she screams, “Uncle Daylen! I’m elated to see you again.”
I chuckle at her word choice, as I often do. “I’m a lucky man to get to see the prettiest girl on the planet twice in one week.”
She pulls her head away and unexpectedly frowns.
“What’s wrong, sweetie?”
She crosses her arms. “Daddy said people should be most excited for my mind, not my looks.”
I see Tanner smirking, and I nod. “You’re right. I’m very excited to be in the company of such a smart young lady.”
She gives me a toothless smile while Vance plops down next to me and mumbles, “It doesn’t happen often, Harper. He doesn’t spend time withanysmart women. Ever.”
I subtly flip him the bird before looking down at Harper’s new Beavers jersey, noticing number eight on the front. Rolling my eyes, I ask, “Why did you switch from Sulley’s jersey to Kennedy’s?” At the home opener, she was wearing Sulley’s number twenty-two jersey, as was nearly every little girl in the stadium.
Her little face lights up. “I told you. I like how tough Kennedy is. She’s my new favorite player.”
At their last game, I learned quickly that Kennedy is a rough and tough player. She battles hard for rebounds and appears to have taken on the role of protector against all the opposing players who seem to want to push around Sulley, the new star of the league.
The players on other teams aren’t too kind to Sulley. I don’t understand it. The league is on an upward trajectory in large part due to her star power. They should be celebrating her. Thanking her. Instead, they shove her when refs aren’t looking and badmouth her in interviews.
Women. I’ll never understand them.
They eventually begin announcing the starting lineup. Everyone gave Sulley a standing ovation at the last game, but I’m noticing tonight that Kennedy is receiving a lot more cheering than she did at their first game. I guess I’m not the only one noticing her protective vibe. The fans seem to be seeing and liking it.
“When I’m dating someone,”Kennedy annoyingly announces in our booth at a club a few hours later, “I change their name in my phone to three hearts. Whenever they make a mistake, I remove one. When there’s none left, it’s over. I won’t waste my time on a man who doesn’t give me what I need.”
