I’m in our stadium parking lot, sitting in my car and bracing for the chaos that will surely follow from what I’m about to wear into the stadium. I slowly step out of my car in my green fleece robe and take a deep breath as I think about the huge amount of humiliation I’m about to face. A bet is a bet, and I lost it. Time to pay up.
I slip the swim cap on my head and place the swim goggles over my eyes before grabbing my bag and tossing the robe into the car.
I open my Spotify app and press play for the song “Stayin’ Alive” by the Bee Gees, blasting it on the speaker as loud as my phone will allow. In only the tiny pink Speedo that leaves nothing to the imagination, I strut into the stadium like I own the place. Did I mention that the speedo has a beaver over the crotch? I’m not sure where she found this thing, but she was mighty excited when it arrived last week.
Teammates begin to notice me and laugh hysterically. The press goes berserk, as I knew they would. Flashes are going off at a pace that’s hard to imagine. Yep, this will be all over the internet in mere seconds. I hope that spiteful bitch, who I think I love, is enjoying herself right now. I have no doubt she’s following online with a mischievous glint in her gorgeous green eyes.
I might as well own it. It could be worse. At least I look good.Damngood.
I pose like a swimsuit model for all the cameras, sucking in my cheeks and placing my hands on my hips. I even shake my ass a bit for a little something extra. They’re eating it up. I knew they would.
Vance walks over and holds his cowboy hat over my family jewels to cover them but then laughs and removes it. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen him smile as much as he is right now.
Coach then walks by. He stops short, and his face drops when he takes in my wardrobe. “You know, Humblecut, I used to judge your generation for being so adamant about supervised playdates. My generation certainly never had any, and we managed to survive. But right now, I’m thinking you could have used a littlemoresupervision.”
Vance laughs. “Blame your daughter for this horrific scene.”
He turns to look at Vance. “Why would I do that?”
“He lost a bet to her months ago. The terms stated she got to pick his outfit for today. This is what she chose.”
I nod. “I’m a man of my word, but your daughter is batshit crazy.”And I dig the fuck out of her for it.
He shrugs. “Tell me something I don’t know, Humblecut. What was the bet?” he asks.
Vance smirks. “Whether she could knock him down with one karate chop to the side of the neck?”
Coach raises an unamused eyebrow. “She’s a blackbelt in karate, Humblecut. You never stood a chance.”
My face falls. “What?” I yell out. “She never mentioned that. That cunning bitch had hidden skills. Holy crap. It was fixed.”
Coach grins like I’ve never seen before, and Vance nearly pees his pants in laughter.
KENNEDY
My long-awaited Google alert pings just before we’re about to leave the locker room for warm-ups. We have a game early this afternoon. The Camels have a late afternoon game that we’ll go to when ours ends. I was hoping Daylen would make his grand entrance before my game started so I could see his outfit. Sure enough, it’s happening.
Sulley, Layla, Palmer, and Shay stand behind me, looking over my shoulder. We’ve all been waiting for this. They have no idea what outfit I selected. They just know today is the day.
I pull up the picture and hear gasps and giggles behind me. Sulley says, “Holy cow. That’s incredible. I don’t know how you think of this stuff.”
Palmer mumbles, “Nowthat’sa sausage I would happily eat.”
I burst out laughing and turn around to her. “Palmer, do you incorporate food into your sex life?”
She turns a bright shade of red and chews her lips nervously. “As you’ve said many times before, we all have our kinks.”
I hold up my hand for a high five, and she smacks it. I’m proud of my girl. She’s really come out of her shell.
Layla mumbles, “Ay, dios mío. He’s packing un salchichón grande.”
Yes, ladies, that is one large sausage. There are going to be a million memes of his beaver-covered package all week. It could be worse. I could have exposed a small sausage.
“He should be thanking me,” I proudly announce. “He’ll have half the women in this country begging for a date.” And I owed him this for having Booster post the small dick pic last year.
Sulley scoffs. “Pft. Are the other half blind? His body is amazing.”
I know. I traced it with my tongue last night. And again this morning, after he woke me up with his head between my legs.He said he’d now like to eat me for breakfast before all his games, calling it his breakfast of champions. I’m happy to oblige that request.
