Eventually, I stand. “I’m going to visit Uncle Charley.”
Kennedy rolls her eyes. “Stop announcing it, freak.”
Dad chuckles. “He loves doing that. Always has. Why don’t you pee in the pool like everyone else in the world?”
“In my own pool?” I ask with genuine disgust. “Pass.”
He shrugs. “I pissed in the deep end at our neighborhood pool last week.” He smiles. “The lifeguard blew the whistle so hard I almost fell in.”
Kennedy starts laughing, as does my father. “Oh my god,” she says, “you two have the exact same laugh. It’s scary.”
Ashleigh, who I’m confident didn’t get my dad’s joke, nods. “Oh yes, since baby boy was little. Always the same laugh.”
Ashleigh didn’t know me until I was a teen, but whatever. I don’t correct her. I never do.
I return a few minutes later, and Chef Benny is serving the steaks. “Thanks, Benny. These look awesome. Did you make one for BJ too?”
He nods. “Of course. All dogs should eat expensive steaks because they know the difference,” he says sarcastically.
“Exactly,” I happily agree.
He motions his head toward Kennedy and mouths, “Is it her?”
I nod.
He mouths back, “She’s hot.”
I mouth, “I know, right?”
The lovebirds emerge from the pool to eat. Pierce smiles at me. “Thanks, man. These steaks are lit.”
Dad agrees. “Maybe I should have Chef Benny cook for Ashleigh’s birthday next week instead of...”
He purposefully stops speaking and then pretends to zip his lips.
Ashleigh smacks his arm. “Darn it. I thought you were going to spill the beans. Ugh. Where are you taking me?”
Dad kisses her cheek and answers, “Hopefully from behind.”
Jagger squeals, “Dad! Stop it. You’re so embarrassing.”
He lets out his loud, booming laugh, and Ashleigh giggles before not so quietly whispering, “You got it,Daddy.” Yes, she calls himDaddyall the time.
Kennedy’s body shakes in laughter at the whole interaction.
Dad gives Jagger a bemused look. “Don’t worry, sweetie, I’ve got the perfect spot all picked out foryo mama.” His eyes then move to mine as they sparkle in amusement. He loves busting out theyo mamajokes in front of new friends. Embarrassing Jagger in front of her new crush is just an added bonus.
Jagger sighs. “I beg you not to do this right now, Dad. Please.”
Dad wipes his mouth with his napkin and then places it on the table. It’s his sign of what’s to come.
Jagger knows it. She then explains to Kennedy and Pierce what’s about to happen. She also apologizes in advance.
Dad steals his face. “Yo mama’s so stupid, she went to the dentist to get a Bluetooth.”
Everyone snickers but me. I take a breath as I think of my next line. “Yo mama’s so fat, when she sat on an iPhone, it turned into an iPad.”
Everyone else bursts out laughing. Dad actually has to bite his lip to keep his own laughter away. That’s progress for me.
