The Barbarian’s Confession
One
TAVIK
“What are you talking about? You love me?”
“I have loved you every day since we were seventeen,” Saneth growled. “I have pined for you, wished for you to notice me. You never did. I understand I am nowhere as pretty as Verus or any of the others you chased since you came of age. But I still hoped you would notice me anyway.”
I stared at my best friend, my entire body frozen by his confession. “I did not know…”
“And now that you do?” Saneth demanded, lifting his chin. “Does it change anything?”
For a moment, I didn’t answer. I couldn’t. We’d been friends our whole lives. I never thought there would be anything he could say that would surprise me. And I never noticed that he might be interested. We’d never even joked about it.
I took too long to reply, my mind a mess, and hurt flashed across Saneth’s face. He pushed my hand away, and I felt the loss like an arrow to my chest as he took a step back to put space between us. “It’s okay. I understand. I’m sorry.”
As he turned to leave, I felt my heart rip from my chest. I’d never considered Saneth more than my friend because he’d never given me any clue he felt otherwise. But the thought of losing him, knowing if he walked away, our friendship would be over, was too much to bear. And it wasn’t that I had no feelings for him. I loved him. I just didn’t think I was in love with him. Not until faced with the idea of losing him.
Lunging forward, I spun Saneth around, slamming my lips against his. He gasped in surprise, and I tasted the alcohol on his tongue as I slid mine into his mouth. He wasn’t drunk—I knew how he acted when he was—so I felt no remorse when I yanked him against me and ground my hips against him, showing him exactly how I felt about him as I swelled in response to his lips on mine.
“You’re mine, Saneth,” I whispered against his lips between kisses. “You have always been mine.”
He whimpered, throwing his arms around my neck and allowing me to pull him off his feet. He was light enough that I could carry him easily, and I wanted nothing more than to push him up against a tree and rut against him until he sang with pleasure. A few whistles behind us reminded me of our lack of privacy. Saneth ripped his mouth away from mine, his gaze shifting to our audience. I knew the voices; they were our fellow warriors, probably those on duty doing their rounds, but Saneth looked apprehensive when he noticed them.
“What is it?” I demanded, running my nose along the length of his.
“I… I wasn’t sure if you’d want people to know…”
Scoffing, I jerked my head away to glare at him. “What? You expected me to hide how I feel for you? Do you truly think so little of me?”
“No, but?—”
With a growl, I set him on his feet and grabbed his wrist, dragging him to my tent. No doubt, anyone who saw us would assume what would happen next, but I didn’t care. It wasn’t as though we would have a sexless relationship. Sex would happen eventually. But first, we needed to talk.
Saneth didn’t question where we were going. He’d spent many nights in my tent waiting out a winter storm or drinking with me until we passed out. Nights we could have spent in each other’s arms if he’d just spoken to me sooner. If I’d even thought…
Saneth was not quiet or shy, so when I yanked him into my tent, he grabbed me by my tunic, jerking me closer so his lips could meet mine. I needed to bend, being at least a head taller than him, but I didn’t complain. Not when I got to feel his lips on me again. His training-roughened hands gripped me, one on the back of my neck and one on my hip, distracting me from my purpose of dragging him here. Especially when he hooked a leg behind mine, tripping me onto my bed and landing on top of me. I groaned at the rough treatment, fisting his hair to keep him close. It was only when his hands slid beneath my tunic, lighting me up, that I remembered my purpose.
It took a long moment before I could convince myself to pull away. I wanted to keep going, to touch him and have him touch me, but I didn’t like his comment from before. I didn’t want him thinking for even a moment that I would hide him.
“Saneth,” I breathed against his lips, gasping when clever fingers tweaked my nipples. I was sensitive there, and I despised myself a little for grabbing his hands to stop him. It wasn’t what either of us wanted.
The worry in his eyes when he lifted his head firmed my resolve. He still felt insecure about us. I couldn’t allow that.
Rolling so that he was beneath me, I rested my weight on my elbows to look down at him. He was right that he wasn’t myusual preference when it came to partners, but that didn’t make him any less handsome. He kept his hair shorter on top, never patient enough to care for it, the dirty blonde strands falling onto his forehead. It was shaved on the sides, as every male in the clan wore it, and many times he wore a bit of cloth to keep the worst of it out of his face. He was smaller than I was, more lithe and wiry. It lent to his speed during a fight, and he was lethal with a blade if he got close enough. But it was his mischievous smile that always drew my attention. I played it off most days as excitement for whatever pranks he could come up with, but seeing him now, disheveled with lips swollen from our kisses, I could admit that it was more than that.
“Saneth… I’m sorry I didn’t realize sooner.”
His brow furrowed slightly. “Realize what?”
“I have wanted you for a long time. I just never admitted it to myself,” I said, chagrined. “I always made excuses that my feelings were nothing more than friendship. I realize now I was fooling myself.”
He shook his head. “You do not need to lie to me, Tavik. I don’t expect you to feel the same way as I do. I’m just grateful to have the chance to gain your attention.”
It would likely take time for him to realize the depth of my feelings for him. I let it go for now, instead focusing on what was most important. “No matter who felt what first, you are mine. I will not hide you or pretend we are only friends. Why would you think this?”
He pressed his lips together, a flash of insecurity crossing his face. “People have teased in the past about us being together. You have always gotten angry because of it. I wasn’t sure if you’d be embarrassed if the rumors turned out to be true.”
