I want to rage at the skies and pound my fists and throw the biggest tantrum the world has ever seen. I live in that moment.
Die in that moment.
Plead for another way.
But the worst part is, I don’t even have to send my brain searching down a hundred pathways to know…
There’s nothing else to do.
A fresh wave of grief crashes over me, my knees nearly buckling beneath me.
Noah curls me closer to his side, causing my broken heart to both swell and break a little more when he whispers, “I’m so sorry I can’t fix it for you.”
My brave face falls to the floor, not helping matters anyway. With a tiny whimper, I turn into his embrace and let him hold me the way I’ve craved since he walked in.
Since I left him behind, actually.
“There are still quite a few of you in here.” The nurse narrows her eyes on what’s only half of us, and when a clang comes from the bathroom, we clear our throats and speak extra loudly, as subtle as a firetruck, sirens blaring.
Either she’s too busy to care or not paid enough to deal with it, because there’s no way she missed it, but then she’s off to attend to her other duties.
We release a collective sigh at the close of the door, then grannies come barreling out of the bathroom like clowns from a tiny car.
My phone rings—Simone again, even though I texted her about my family emergency. I excuse myself and step into the hall, surer about my next step than I’ve ever been.
Whether it’s a career, relationship, or a life that no longer suits you, sometimes the most courageous, best thing you can do for yourself is to walk away.
Right then and there, I give notice I’ll be permanently relocating to the other side of Florida’s dick, although not in those precise words.
In another turn of the unexpected, Jan’s name pops on my display next—maybe because she heard about my grandma?
I duck into an alcove to fill her in, only to be met with another plot twist.
Once I reenter the room, Rita hollers “Relax, everybody. It’s just Mia.”
Minutes ago, I would’ve claimed I might never laugh again, but I snicker at the entire chaotic scene. It’s like cockroaches fleeing and emerging with the flick of a light switch, and I wouldn’t have my grannies any other way.
They return to their chatter, Wanda fussing over my grandma’s pillows and the setting on her bed. One or two of us go all watery and set off a wave, then Bette cracks a joke and the ladies are sharing stories I’ve never heard before.
And I just take it in, breathe it in, tell myself to remember this moment.
All the moments we had this summer. The memories they shared, the hardships they’ve survived and ceilings they shattered. Taking on risks and regrets on their behalf that pushed me to be stronger, more myself, to dislocate my finger.
That led me to the guy rubbing soothing circles over my back, letting me lean so heavily into him.
When I trust I can speak the words without crying, I crane my neck toward Noah, peering into calming blue eyes that featured heavily in my daydreams. “You came to the hospital for my grandma?”
“She’s got me weeding her yard and trimming her hedges every other Sunday, too,” Noah says, affection underlying the words, and a laugh startles out of me.
Time grinds to a halt as he reaches up and tucks a stray curl behind my ear, callused fingertips sending goose bumps across my skin. “I missed you.”
“I missed you, too,” I whisper, warmth winding through me.
His lips move next to my ear. “I changed my mind about long-distance. I can’t go another month without you. It’s making me miserable. Because…” He hesitates, his jaw flexing as if the words are heavy. “I’m in love with you, Mia. And I know this isn’t the time, but I told myself if I ever got the chance again, I’d take it.”
How can a heart be so full and so broken?
Now I’m fighting tears for a different reason. This next stretch of time is undoubtedly going to be emotional, filled with highs and lows and saying goodbye, and I don’t want to have to say goodbye.
