I don’t even get the chance to respond before she throws her scooter in reverse and motors over to the new group that’s arrived.
I become acutely aware of the man by my side once again, nervousness bubbling up. I glance at his face, afraid I’ll see the same scowl from that night of my first seminar. “It’s not like I have to run work decisions and marketing plans by you,” I say, still speaking more in Noah’s direction than to him, because I wanted so badly for this night to be perfect. “You certainly don’t consult me about what you do at your job.”
“You’re right,” he says, his words measured and careful, which I appreciate. “And you’re also wrong, because technically, I sometimes work for you.”
“Eh. We all know the grandmas are the ones in control.”
He laughs, and we’re back in the easy place I can’t get enough of. I automatically sway closer, telling myself two more minutes with Noah and then I’ll round the room again and check on everyone.
His hand goes to my lower back, rubbing soothing circles that have me purring like a cat. He takes the swooniness even further when he adds, “All I came to do is support you, and that’s exactly what I plan to do.”
Then he gives me the crooked smile I’ve been waiting for all night, the one that wreaks the best kind of havoc on my insides. “Even if it involves our grandmas and swimsuit calendars.”
Out of nowhere, I’m blinking eyes blurry with the threat of tears. “Sorry I got defensive. It’s just…” To my dismay, my voice cracks.
“I’ve showed up during a work event to yell at you before,” Noah unabashedly says, curling me closer.
“No,” I say, but he hit the nail on the head. “I mean, now that you mention it…” I wind my arms around his waist and peer into endlessly blue eyes that give me all the butterflies. “There’s just a lot riding on tonight.”
My chest squeezes, and I speak my greatest fear aloud, paranoid it’ll make it come true, but unable to hold it back any longer. “I don’t know if I fixed it. What if it’s not enough?”
“Tell me what’s broken, and we’ll figure it out,” Noah says so simply and without hesitation, so certain he’ll be able to repair anything I might’ve broken and I lov—appreciate him for that. Whenever things went wrong, people looked to me, and I can’t get over the idea of awe.
What if I stayed?
I can’t tell if it’s an intrusive thought, my truest desires, or a lapse in judgment, but before I get a chance to sort it out, in walks a woman I wish with all my might to be a figment of my imagination. The tension creeping into my posture, however, declares she’s not only real, she’s about to throw a wrench in my whole world.
“Can you see her?” I ask Noah, listing my head toward the woman with a caramel streaked bob and a giant Louis Vuitton handbag I guarantee is a knockoff.
“Yes, and she’s coming this way,” Noah says. “Why? Who is she?”
Dread rushes in, packing every nook and cranny in my body. “I’m so sorry about this, but you’re about to meet my mother.”
Chapter Thirty
Thelastplace I want to feel like a little kid is at the open house event I’m throwing, but the purse of my mother’s lips sends me back to the hypervigilant days when I tested the air like a sailor afraid of an impending storm.
Going off course was Mom’s specialty, as she always had me to hold the wheel steady while she dissociated through choppy waters. But when I made a distress call to my grandmother for the one thing I couldn’t manage myself? Well, she’ll never forgive me for that.
I’m pretty sure it’s why my mom did what she did the summer all the not-talking-about-it came to a head, and everything got screwed up forever.
If I ask what she’s doing here, she’ll be offended and stepping into a victim role so fast I’ll be the one left reeling. I open my mouth to greet her, only to be asked why I’m wearing a shade of lipstick too dark for my complexion.
Two seconds in, and I’m rolling my shoulders and lips inward, minimizing myself already. “Thank you,” I say, sarcasm easier to strap on than armor.
I’ve worked so hard on rebuilding my confidence and setting boundaries, and I’ll never understand why it’s so much easier to do with everyone except her—my mother and the main reason I need boundaries in the first place.
I flinch and thinkno, wait. That’s too mean, the good girl within feeling I should take it back, even if I meant it.
Mom throws her arms around my neck and hauls me down for a hug, her shorter stature leaving me hunched over. I squeeze her back, but she releases me lickety-split once she notices the guy at my side. “Why hello, who’s this? Mia, aren’t you going to introduce us?”
If she’d given me half a second maybe. While I went with a bold lip stain she’s already voiced her disapproval of, her over-the-top grin only highlights the smear of dusty rose lipstick on her front teeth as she turns on the charm. She’s so thrilled to have a husband who takes care of her, she can’t fathom why I wouldn’t try harder to find one.
Because there’s codependency, and then there’s Diane Goodwin-Andrews-Robinson.
“Noah,” I say. “This is my mom. Mom, Noah.”
She clucks her tongue. “That’s not much of an introduction.” Extending a hand, she smiles and adds, “I’m Diane.”
