Maurice and my band were in town to record a few songs for my upcoming album,Freedom Reign.We decided to blow off some steam and stimulate our creativity at the same time. We ended up at a club downtown, and the moment I walked in, I was escorted to a corded-off section. My fans were waving, taking pics, and trying to get my attention. Teeyana arrived with a couple of her friends, and I allowed them into our section to entertain my homies. Teeyana slid next to me on the sofa and took a selfie before I could protest. We’d reminisced about high school, she’d flirted heavily and tried to touch my dick, and I grabbed her hand politely. Shortly after, I headed home alone, escorted to my car by security while Maurice and the band stayed.
I didn’t owe Jamaica an explanation since we did not commit to each other. If we were going to be together, she had to learn how to ignore social media and the thirsty women. We wouldn’t make it otherwise.
A petulant Jamaica stomped past me, and I admired her round ass as she passed me up. Babies had done her body good,which reminded me of our last very hot encounter. Before she reached the boys, I spoke lowly, “You got my daughter inside you?”
She hissed, “I got my period. I don’t know why I want another baby with you, anyway.”
“Because you love me,” I said in her ear as I quickened my steps to get to the boys.
I looked back over my shoulder at her reluctant smile. “Quickie later on top of the pool table while the boys swim. One-time offer. That ass in those jeans is calling me.”
“No,” Jamaica retorted. “I’m not having sex with you after your dick has been in her.”
“If you think I’m fucking her, why do you want to be with me anyway?”
Jamaica looked toward the boys who were saddling their respective horses a few feet away from us, and then back at me. “I know you don’t want her anymore. Just insanely jealous of any woman who ever touched you.”
“Mama?” KJ called her. “Look at me.”
He was sitting on top of a sandy brown-colored horse with his arms raised.
“I see you. That’s Mama’s grown man. Now hold on, please.” Jamaica shouted before she whispered, “And I’m still not fucking you just because you decided you want to.”
I chuckled, knowing later tonight she would be bent over, taking it long and hard if I wanted it to happen.
“Girl, you know how to cook your ass off? These cheeseburgers are restaurant-worthy.” Peace picked up two fries. “Fresh cut, just as good as Five Guys.”
Lori held her margarita glass up. “I’m loving the single J.”
He scoffed. “You better enjoy, the way Free and Jamaica eye fuck whenever they’re in the same room, I’m surprisedI’mnot pregnant.”
Some of my peach and raspberry margarita flew out of my mouth. “Stop it. We’ve been focused on co-parenting this whole summer and only had sex once in the last few weeks, and now I’m about to make a mess.” I swiped my mouth and shirt with my hand.
Peace and Lori grabbed hands in agreement and roared with laughter at the unintentional double entendre. “Yes, you are,” they screamed in unison.
We were in my living area, sprawled out, eating and talking. The two of them had become my support system while going through this separation and divorce. They would pop by the house at random times and check on me. Lori and my mother would keep KJ busy when I needed a break. He’d been clingy and had not wanted me out of his sight. Being with Kody worked sometimes, other times, KJ only wanted me. Deciding to break up my family at the beginning of the summer had been a good decision; KJ would have surely failed if he were still in school. I hoped by summer’s end, he’d adjusted as much as he could since he had just begun school again. As much as I wanted to keep my family intact, I believe in the end my children would have suffered more. Kody would’ve eventually cheated again, and I would’ve been tempted by Freedom since he would be a permanent part of our lives.
Being resolute in my decision didn’t make dissolving a long union easy. It had been harder than I’d even believed it would be. Kody had been such a part of my life since I was a teenager that I missed his steady presence. He’d been there, making decisions about our daily lives, and I’d become used to relying on him as he had on me. Anytime we met up to discuss divvying up the business, our modest assets, and the boys, his regretful gaze would linger on my face. He wasn’t the arrogant and confident man I used to know. Kody seemed lost, and only being a father to KJ gave him purpose. He was determined to be the best father, and their bond had strengthened. One day, when KJ didn’t need me so much, he would want to live with his father, the way that Jamie lived with his.
At times, I had uncontrollable crying spells because of what my father did, and I recognized that leaving Kody didn’t necessarily mean ending up with Freedom. I needed to be on my own to determine if I could love Freedom as he deserved. Peace had read me right that night in the parking lot. Afterlearning how horrible my father had been to Freedom when he came for me and the depths my father had gone to ruin Freedom simply because he loved me, I no longer knew if I deserved him. I had judged him then, and now, when he didn’t owe me loyalty. Freedom Cade worked hard to be considered a good man because he loved me, and was almost sent to prison because of it. Sometimes, I wondered if deep down he resented loving me.
“Uh, oh, she’s zoning out again.” Peace noted.
Lori tapped my knee. “You good?”
“I don’t know if the journey will end with me and him.” I flopped back in Lori’s lap, and Peace picked up my feet on the other end of the sofa. “He’s leaving in a couple of days for his world tour and will be gone until Christmas. I’ve gotten used to him being a drive away from me, and now he’ll be a thousand miles away. We’re not on the best of terms to send him off to all those women. What if he realizes that I’m not worth it? I can tell he’s already questioning that.”
Peace squeezed my foot. “My brother loves you, but it’s been a lot of hurtful truths. And he doesn’t have the capacity to work through what Kody and your father did to him, how he feels for you, his crazy-busy career, and be a dad to Jamie. Just like KJ is a priority to you. Jamie is to him. Maybe the tour is happening at a good time. You can finalize everything with Kody and be able to greet Freedom with a clean slate when he comes home. That would be the best Christmas gift you could give him.”
Lori twirled one of my braids on her finger. “I think Freedom needs to kick your dad’s ass and get it all out of his system. Then he’ll be ready to be with you.”
I glared up at Lori. “Really?”
Peace nodded. “That might not be a bad idea. He’s trying to move past what your father did because he’s forever connected to him through Jamie.”
Sitting up, I snapped, “Y’all can’t be serious? Freedom would kill him if my father didn’t shoot him first. My father still carries a gun.”
“Shit, maybe he and Kody can double-team your daddy. I bet Kody would love to get in a few licks, too. He was a boy himself when your dad forced him to betray his friend,” Lori added.
