“Oh, I look like a horse now? Millions of women wouldn’t agree.” I chuckled.
“I meant like, he’s leading the rest of the horses,” Jamie explained.
“I knew what you meant.” I toyed with the toothpick in my mouth.
The homestead was almost finished. The main house and one cottage had been finished last week, and one more cottage had to be completed. Four horses were delivered this morning. One for each of the boys, one for me, and one for Jamaica. She and KJ were on their way to ride horses and to claim theirs.
Time flew over the past three months between working on a new album, preparing for a world tour with Alonzo, assisting in the construction of my home, and being a father. Jamaica and I had been cordial with one another as we gave each other space. Space to know if she truly wanted to be with me. Space for me to know if I could trust her with my heart again. Space to adjust to being a father and balancing my career.
Jamie finished the school year more confidently than he began. The two boys who attempted to beat Jamie ended up being expelled after the fight had been investigated further by the principal. He still walked around with his Beats on his ears or around his neck to his own tune, but now he had Peace and me. He’d been living with me, helping me furnish the homestead, since Jamaica and Kody officially separated over two months ago. She and KJ lived in the house, and Kody found a nearby apartment so he could still be there for KJ.
“I think I like somebody at the Robotics Camp,” Jamie said hesitantly.
“Like a friend or more?” I shifted to face him and adjusted my hat as shade for my head from the heat of the blazing sun.
He stomped his boot on the fence. “More.”
“What’s the problem?”
“I’m not you or Dad.” He continued to call Kody “Dad” and asked me if it was okay. I told him I understood, and whenever he was ready, he would find the right name to call me. “Or even Uncle Peace. What do I say or do if I want to get to know them better?”
“You’re not supposed to be me or anyone else.”
With exasperation coating his tongue, he explained, “I don’t have friends like y’all did when you were my age, and I don’t know how to date. So how am I supposed to have a girlfriend?”
“She’s a girl?” I tried not to sound surprised.
Jamie ducked his head slightly. “I like boys, too. She’s the first girl that I really like.”
“So, you’ve figured it all out?”
He glanced at me. “I’ve known that I’m attracted to both for a long time.”
“You just didn’t know how to say it aloud?”
“Yeah.”
I grabbed him into a hug, accidentally knocking off his hat. “Proud moment.”
He grinned, though he pushed out of my hug and picked his hat up from the ground. “Pops, we can’t celebrate everything I do that most kids do.”
“Says who? We do whatever we want to do and be whoever we want to be.” I frowned. “Pops? Really? You do know I’m just thirty-three.”
“You seem wiser, and you’ve seen and been so many places. I don’t know, you seem like a ‘Pops’.”
“If you like it, I love it.” We returned to looking at the horses. “I used to go to your mother’s locker every day to speak to her. She was shy, and I couldn’t tell if she really liked me. So, I kept showing up until she wanted to date me.”
“So just say something to her every chance I get?”
“Yeah…do whatever feels natural. If she likes you, you’ll know. You’ll also know if she doesn’t. And if she doesn’t, feel the rejection, let it go, and keep it going. There will be someone eventually.”
He whispered, “I just hope she does.”
“Me too.” And my heart ached for him. My son was the perfect combo of me and Jamaica. He would only grow morehandsome with age. The type of shy kid that girls his age may overlook, especially if they find out he’s queer. This was the hard part of parenting. Knowing you couldn’t always protect them from being hurt.
“Why did you and my dad stop being friends? I kinda wish you still were. Then I wouldn’t feel guilty when I’m here with you.”
The story of Kody and me. I closed my eyes briefly to quell the bite of hurt that lingered. In his own way, he was making amends with me. He allowed his people and Jamaica to handle the construction of my house, and everything had been timely and done well. I hadn’t seen him since that night at the hospital. He’d told Jamaica the truth about my arrest and her father’s involvement and accepted the divorce without rancor. Jamaica had been distant from her father, unable to handle his deception and manipulation that could’ve destroyed me.
