“Tonight. Eat your sandwich and stay your ass up.” She stalked away from me.
“Thanks for the sandwich. Am I in trouble?” I called after her, and she didn’t respond. Is this a taste of marriage to Jamaica? I bit back my smile.
Freshly showeredand wearing a t-shirt and shorts, I rested my back against my headboard, playing my guitar, waiting for Jamaica. My bedroom was the farthest away from Jamie, and the walls were thick. I didn’t want to disturb his sleep with my need to play. When she knocked on the door, I directed her to come in, and I changed from random strumming to Charley Pride’sKiss an Angel Good Morning.
Her frown turned into a reluctant smile while I sang that a man’s key to happiness is making sure he takes good care of his woman. When I finished singing, she clapped and stood at the end of the bed. “Magical. Your voice is pure magic.”
I tipped my imaginary hat. “Thank you, Shortie.”
“That’s what you called me when you bumped into me that day.” Sweet nostalgia softened her face.
“I know.” I plucked a string. “Ready to talk? You seem to be in a better mood.”
“I am.” Jamaica rested her palms on the bed. “I need to get clean first, and I don’t have anything to wear.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming here? I could have ordered clothes for you.”
“I ordered some clothes for me and Jamie. Good ol’ Amazon will deliver in the morning between five and ten. And it was a spur-of-the-moment decision for us to come here. Hence the Uber.”
“There’s a bathroom connected to the guest room down the hall. I had the designer include robes in every bathroom. You should be good until morning.” My guitar hid my erection. I wasn’t going to pursue her anymore, and I wasn’t going to let her hurt me anymore. I meant what I said to my brother. I was done with the intimate part of us. I would be there for her as a co-parent and a friend.
“Can I take a shower in your bathroom?” She tilted her head, watching me.
“I’ll wait for you in the kitchen to talk, if you do. Or do you want to talk first and then take a shower?”
“What if I want to fuck first?” She boldly stared at me.
I inhaled deeply and pushed the air from my lungs. “Why do you like fucking with me? You heard me say I’m done, and now you want to fuck? It’s been a month of nothing from you, and before that, two weeks, because you believe you are supposed to be with Kody. Then tonight, you show up, and I know you're pissed with me because you saw the alcohol and pills. Instead of talking about that, you want to have sex? You don’t know what you want.”
“I want to get in bed with you and rub your temples and take care of you,” She implored.
“I gave you options.” My dick remained stiff underneath the guitar. The longer I stayed hard, and she pushed, she would get her way.
“None involved you fucking me.” She moved closer to me.
I eyed her warily. “I’m not pursuing you anymore. We had a weekend, and it’s over. Jamie is my focus.”
“You said that if I wanted to talk, we would talk, and if we wanted to fuck, we would.”
“Everything has changed now.”
“Is this about what happened in Nashville because we didn’t have sex?” Jamaica asked.
“No, it’s about realizing that you’ll never be able to truly see me for the man I’ve been since we started dating. I wanted to fuck you when I thought we might have had a future.”
She touched my forearm. “We do have a future. You’re right, I’ve been judging you. Tonight, I realized that I was on the wrong side of Jamie’s bed. I wanted to be next to you. I hated that you held my hand until we parked at the hospital when I needed your hand the most.”
I studied the earnestness in her face. “What about Kody? Does he know how you feel?”
“Not yet. I’ve been holding on to Kody because he’s the father of my other son, and my need to give KJ what I had growing up. Two parents who love each other under the same roof.”
At the mention of her father, I tensed, and the migraines started again. I rubbed my left temple. “I’m really exhausted. There’s no need for us to rehash us, or tell me again why you haven’t left Kody. I’m done pressuring you. Stay with Kody and keep your happy family intact. I have Jamie, and eventually I’ll meet my wife. Have another baby or two. You’re right, we didn’t try hard enough when we were younger. You’re married, and you have a life that I need to respect.”
I squinted to alleviate some of the pain. “And before you lecture me, I was going to drink and pop a pill or two to take away my headache, my pain of everything that happened today, but God intervened, reminding me it’s not just me anymore, and I have a son to think about. I promise you that he won’t ever see me drunk or high.
Lastly, in case you’re wondering, I haven’t had a drink or used any pills in almost three months, and didn’t crave anything until tonight. I’m an abuser of alcohol and drugs, and not dependent, like my father.”
“I see you still get these.” She started massaging my other temple. “I realize that you were tempted to use again after how everything went down today, and it wouldn’t have helped matters if we had argued about it. If you say you’re not going to abuse alcohol and drugs, I believe you.”
