She placed the milkshake down on the table and closed her hands into fists. “Please don’t say that. Please don’t make me regret more than I already do. I struggled with telling you about Jamie because I wanted you to know, but I didn’t want to hold you back. You wouldn’t have all of this if you stayed with me.”
“Maybe I wouldn’t have this level of success. So what?”
“So, what? With a baby on the way, you would’ve relied on the streets to take care of us just like you did for Peace. What kind of life would that have been for our baby and for me?”
“I told you I was done with the streets. Why couldn’t you have faith in me? Huh?”
“I did have faith. You didn’t have it in yourself. Do you know how long I stood by that window that night, still believing you would show?”
“One stupid dance, when we could’ve had a lifetime of them. You’re never going to let that go.” I rubbed my thighs impatiently.
“Oh, I did. Forgave you a long time ago. Just reminding you of the facts. You can tell whatever story you want to tell yourself, but we both know that you’re a survivor by any means necessary. Having a family at eighteen with no money would’ve made a liar out of the promise you made me back then.” She sighed loudly. “Can we just focus on the now? I don’t want to go back to that place of thinking ‘what if’ anymore?”
I scoffed just as loud as her sigh, “How long did you do that? Because from what I hear, you’ve been with Kody not long after we broke up?”
“No, Freedom. I loved you too much, and I was carrying your baby. I was stuck on you, even knowing you weren’t coming back.” Jamaica hugged the pillow tighter. “The first and last time that I saw Kody was after graduation when he told me that you were sentenced and not coming back.”
“That’s all he told you?” Kody’s duplicity knew no bounds.
“Yes, I asked where you were sentenced and how long since you didn’t want me in court with you. He told me he didn’t know.”
“He knew where I was,” I barked.
She dropped her gaze to the tray of food.
“I had a lenient judge who ordered me to the Job Corps down in Laredo. Told me I wasn’t allowed back in Dallas until I completed the program. I was there for almost a year learning how to be a mechanic and honing my guitar skills, and Kody knew that. As soon as I was allowed to make phone calls, I called you, and you refused my calls.”
She looked back up. “I didn’t refuse your calls. I found out I was pregnant a week after I left you in the clearing. My father started tripping once he found out I was pregnant. He disownedme and took everything away from me, including my cell. He made it so unbearable that I moved to Houston for college when I was four months pregnant, determined to raise my baby alone. I arranged for family housing so I wouldn’t have to subject my roommate to a screaming baby. My mother finally talked some sense into my father, saying I was too young to be on my own in another city, raising a baby, and they were with me when Jamie was born here in Dallas.
Kody came back into my life when Jamie was almost two. I ran into him at the grocery store one day. I secretly hoped he was still connected to you, which is why I initially started talking to him again. He kept coming around and helping me with Jamie. We eventually started dating and moved in together. We opened up the construction company together since I studied business, and he majored in architecture. Decided to get married when I found out I was pregnant with KJ. He didn’t want his son born out of wedlock.”
“I never wanted my children born out of wedlock either,” I said quietly, though I knew it fell on deaf ears. She believed I abandoned her. I closed my eyes to ease the sharp pain of regret. I would’ve married Jamaica right after high school, especially if I had known she was pregnant with my baby.
“Well, I never wanted to be a teenage mother, yet here we are,” She said wryly.
“What’s his whole name?”
“Jamie David Bennett. We didn’t change his name to Griffin. I wanted him to decide what last name he wanted one day.” She pulled out her phone and swiped through some pics. “He doesn’t like to take pictures. I had to beg for this one that I took at his eighth-grade graduation last year.”
The perfect stranger who shared my sad eyes, thick hair, and Jamaica’s shy smile stared back at me. He even wore his hair asI once did. This was my son. My chest swelled in pride, though I wondered what caused his sadness. “He looks like me.”
“As a teenager, he does. It’s uncanny how he reminds me of you.” She nodded slowly. “When he was a baby, he was all me.”
“And my mother.” I quietly added.
Her head shot up. “You saw him as a baby? Did you have private investigators or something?”
“I managed to find a picture.” I was purposely vague. Peace didn’t want Jamaica or Kody to know how he found out about Jamie, and I decided that she wouldn’t hear from me that Kody had been cheating. Still might be cheating. Kody was miles away in another state, and I planned to make the most of his absence. “My tour ends soon, and I want to meet him.”
“I still need to talk to Kody about you meeting Jamie. He’s the only father he knows, and you have to respect that if we’re going to be co-parenting.”
I nodded. “Fine. Tell Kody I’ll be back in a month to check on the construction of my home. Or Jamie can fly to Nashville to see me if he wants to meet me sooner.”
She frowned. “That’s not going to happen.”
“Maybe not the first time, or maybe you’ll fly with him, but he will eventually travel to see me. I plan to keep my home in Nashville and will travel back and forth here. He’s my son, and you can’t limit how and when I see him.” I held my hand up. “I’m not going to interfere with his school.”
“Look at it from his perspective, he doesn’t know that Kody isn’t his father. He has to adjust. Maybe he won’t ever adjust.” My stomach clenched.What if the sins of my past actions cause irreparable damage to my already sensitive son? “We have to take this slow and allow him space to process.”
