I pleaded for him to understand, “I can’t.”
“You can.” The softness in his eyes quelled my shaking nerves. “I’m not asking you to start an affair or get back at you or Kody. I want a night with an old friend that I may never get again.” He then brushed his lips against mine. “Please.”
Unable to deny him any longer, I conceded to the strong, urgent pull between us and removed his hands from my face to lead him back to his car.
The usually soothing sound of a shower played havoc with my dick. Visions of a naked Jamaica permeated my mind. Two babies looked good on her. The dress she’d worn tonight caressed her curves and dipped low in the back, begging me to run an errant hand on her beautiful brown skin and rest at the top of her ass. I had to force myself to remain stretched out on my bed, dressed in a t-shirt and joggers, to avoid storming into that bathroom and reminding her with my body that I’d been her first lover. Patience. Patience. The blistering attraction dictated that in time we would make love again, no matter the pain of betrayal that lodged in my heart.
She had my baby.
She married my best friend.
Betrayed. Hurt. Devastated. Confused. Furious.
Those emotions tumbled around inside of me at the photo of Kody and Jamaica at some charity event, waving their sparklinggold bands of commitment at the camera. My former best friend and first love were married. Before I could process what I thought was an impossibility, Peace dropped another bomb by sending another photo. This time, a pic of a baby who resembled my mother as a baby. If Peace didn’t send proof, I would’ve believed he was lying that Jamaica had my son and never told me about him. The marriage to Kody had become easier to comprehend than a secret baby. Had I hurt her that badly, she couldn’t tell me the truth?
Deciding at the last minute to show up tonight had been about confronting the two of them and demanding custody of my son. My blood had boiled as I donned my shades, jumped out of my leased car, and marched into the building. My classmates surrounding me didn’t deter me from approaching Kody and Jamaica about their deception. I didn’t want them to have time to concoct their lies or to run away with my son. Until I spotted her bent over at the table, and my heart dropped to my stomach. I didn’t see her face, and yet I knew. Our connection over the years remained unbroken, and the focus shifted to winning her love again. Maybe I’m a fool in love with wanting a woman who arguably betrayed me on so many levels. Or maybe I gave her grace because of how I had treated her the last time we saw each other.
SENIOR YEAR
I paced back and forth at the clearing. She should’ve been here by now. I didn’t have much time to be here before myfather realized I was missing. The overcrowded jail worked to my benefit. They let me out of jail after three days and placed me under his custody on house arrest until my court date next month. He wasn’t a concerned father any other time, but I knew he was too worried that he would be locked up if I wasn’t home like I’m supposed to be.
Wearing a black hoodie and jeans, Jamaica approached from the midst of the trees. Her eyes were red and puffy, like she’d been impacted by her allergies instead of the tears I caused. Her hair still appeared freshly done and swung with every footstep that she took nearer to me.
She stopped before she got close enough for me to touch her, and I jammed my hands in my cargo pants to prevent myself from grabbing her in a hug when it appeared I no longer had those liberties. “I’m only here to tell you it’s over.”
“You could’ve texted that to me when I asked you to meet me if that were true,” I said, though my heart dropped to my stomach at the finality in her voice.
“I thought I would show you how a decent human being treats another by meeting you face to face to tell you that I hate you and I never want to see you again.”
Stubborn pride held my tongue from speaking the truth of my feelings and what I’d been through the last three days. “Okay, you said it. Apparently, you don’t want to hear what I have to say. Why are you still standing here? You say we’re done, then we’re over.”
Her face crumpled for a second before she lifted her chin. “I can’t believe you. I thought I could trust you, and then you treat me like this. Did you decide to ditch me and go to some other girl’s prom? I guess you wanted new sex for your prom. I wasn’t good enough for your special dance.”
Frustration rose like bile. “If you’re not going to hear anything I have to say, can you just go? The more you speak, the more pissed off I get.”
“Fuck you.” She shoved my chest so hard, I lost my balance and caught myself before I fell to the ground. She yelled with all of her might, “You don’t have the right to be pissed about shit. I waited by that window in a dress my mother paid over two hundred dollars for, staring out the window, praying that you would show at any moment. My parents felt so bad for me, they let me stay at the window and went to bed when I refused to stop believing in you. Why would you embarrass me like that? Why?” Fresh tears ran down her face, and she wiped them away impatiently. “No, no. I’m not crying over you anymore.”
Jamaica didn’t curse or yell like this. She held her emotions in while I expressed whatever I was feeling in that moment. The roles had been reversed. I had no words while she had plenty.
She hit the palm of her hand. “Don’t call me anymore. Don’t text or wait for me at my locker. If you see me in the hallway, go in the opposite direction. I fucking hate you so much for making me love you. You came after me.” Jamaica’s chest heaved up and down. “I didn’t even care about having a boyfriend, and you made me want you. Got me fighting with my daddy to see you when he told me you weren’t worth it.”
Jamaica’s hurtful words, especially what her father thought of me, pierced through my soul, and I punched my chest. “I ain’t worth it. I thought I could be different if I had you, but my life doesn’t work like that. So, go ahead and leave. Meet that man in college who is worthy of you, someone your precious daddy would be proud of, because I definitely ain’t it. I don’t have a future anymore, and you’re about to go off to college. You might as well leave me the fuck alone.” Burning tears that I would never allow to drop stung my eyelids as I turned my back to her.
She poked my back hard. “Oh, no, you’re not just going to turn your back on me without telling me where you’ve been, and was she worth how you hurt me? I bet it was Teeyana. She told me how I could never satisfy you…that I was too much of a nerd to keep you.”
I swung around so fast she faltered in her steps and shouted, “It wasn’t another girl. I was in jail for the last three days. Muthafucking jail kept me from taking you to the prom. Happy now? Huh? Now, you know the truth. I stood you up because I was arrested for a home invasion. My father, for once, did something for me and bailed me out with the rent money, and I have a court date next month to determine if I should remain in jail while awaiting my trial or be on home arrest. If I get caught out here or my father notices I’m gone, I’m going back to jail.” I took a deep breath and continued despite her stunned expression, “I come out here, risking my own freedom to explain to your ass, and all I’m getting is mouth that it must be another girl when I’ve never given you a reason to believe I was ever checking for someone else.”
“I thought that nothing would hurt worse than you being with another girl. I was so so wrong. A home invasion? You broke into someone’s house while they were there?” Her eyes widened, and she pointed at me. “How could you?”
Unable to look at the disgust in her eyes, I stared at my tennis shoes. “I don’t know why I was arrested. I didn’t do it, and even if I did, I wouldn’t do it if someone was home.”
“Oh well, as long as no one’s home, it’s all good,” she snapped sarcastically. “At least I know your priorities are straight. Robbing houses is so much better than finding honest work. Who cares if your actions hurt other people and the girl you swear you love and want to marry one day? As long as you have money in your pocket, that’s all that matters.”
I looked back up. “Can you, for a second, put yourself in my shoes and ask why I would do something like that? We’ve been together almost this whole school year, and you still think the worst of me? I haven’t even showered yet because I had to get to you to explain. I told you I was done with running the streets, and I meant it.” My voice trembled. “It was my prom, too. I made special plans for us. Why would I fuck that up?”
“I’m not feeling guilty about the choices you made that kept us from enjoying our only prom. If you couldn’t afford the prom, we didn’t have to go. Or I could’ve got my parents to give me money for us.”
“Fuck that. Never taking money from your daddy.” I hissed.
