SENIOR YEAR
His head rested on my breasts, and I marveled that this boy held on to me as if he truly loved me. And maybe he held tight because I was all he had. He had snuck in my window in the middle of the night after another fight with his drunk of a father. I rubbed his soft hair, which I’d twisted for him just two days ago in English class, because we had a substitute who didn’t care what we did as long as we left her alone. The girls in my class, especially Teeyana, hated that Freedom always sought me out. He was the bad boy that all the girls wanted to claim. His swag made up for his empty pockets, using his melodic voice to get what he wanted from any girl he chose. Maybe it was the bass in his voice that traveled straight to the private part of me when he spoke, or his crooked smile. Or maybe his captivating bedroom eyes, which hid the sadness until you really gazed into them. Orsimply because when Freedom Cade decided he wanted to be with me, I became the luckiest girl at Oak Valley High.
“I better go. Don’t want your cop Daddy to come after me with his gun.” He murmured, “Are you sore?”
My nipples puckered at his breath on my skin, and my body tingled, wanting him again. Last night, he’d told me he loved me right before we made love for the first time. He’d been gentle with me, though I sensed he wanted to be rougher. “A little.”
“Mm…you felt so good.” He kissed my pierced belly button before raising his head to look at me. “You think you want to do it again?”
“Right now?” My face flushed on its own volition. I hated that I seemed so inexperienced when I knew he’d been with girls like Teeyana, who had sex without thought, like she was a grown woman instead of a teenager.
He grinned. “Fa sho, guarantee it’s going to feel better this time.”
I checked the clock. “I don’t know. It’s almost five o’clock, and my family gets up at six to get ready.”
“We’ll be quiet.” Freedom kissed the space between my breasts. “I’ve dreamed of being with you like this since the tenth grade.”
Skeptically, I looked at him. “Don’t flatter me to get what you want. You only started acting like you wanted to be with me after you and Kody almost hit me with a basketball, and Kody tried to flirt with me. Before then, you only acted like my friend.” Kody was Freedom’s best friend, who tried to keep him out of trouble. Most of the time, Kody failed.
He shook his head. “That’s not true. At first, I didn’t know if you liked me back, and then I didn’t want to scare you away, so I took it slow. And I ain’t jealous of Kody because he don’t like you like I do.”
Dropping my gaze from his, uncertainty and fear surrounded my question. “I thought you loved me?”
His forehead wrinkled, and he tugged my chin up to kiss me. “I do. I just meant he doesn’t feel for you like I do. He just likes to fuck with you to fuck with me.”
“How do you know that?” Kody told me he liked me two days ago, and although I was flattered by his admission, which seemed sincere, I’ve only loved one boy. Nervousness about what would happen if I told Freedom that his best friend had confessed his feelings for me kept me from telling him. He had a temper, and best friend or not, he would’ve hurt Kody if he knew that Kody wasn’t just fucking around.
This time, his brows dipped in the middle. “Wait…do you want to be with him or something? I told you twice that I love you, and you haven’t said it back.”
“No, I don’t want Kody. Just trying to understand why he messes with you like that if you’re best friends. Lori would never try to talk to a guy she knows I like for fun. Does he know how you feel about me?” I touched the growing stubble on his chin.
“I mean…we don’t talk like that. He’s my homie, so he pays attention. He picked up on how much I talk about you or try to see you, and I know he likes to dig at me when it comes to you.” He looked at me again. “You still haven’t said it back… never mind. I’d rather wait until you're ready to tell me than to force it.”
Our naked bodies rubbed against each other as I pushed up higher on his chest. “I wouldn’t have given you my virginity if I didn’t love you. I wanted it to be a gift for my husband, but then you wrecked that up because I can never say ‘no’ to you.”
“Who says you didn’t give it up to your future husband?” Freedom smiled. “I love you, and I can’t imagine loving another girl as much as I love you. I promise you won’t regret being with me. I don’t have much now, but one day, I’m going to give youthe world. With my talent and ear for music, I know I’m the next biggest thing.”
Not wanting to believe I would be lucky enough to have him forever, I tucked my head in the crook of his neck. “You don’t have to promise me anything, Free.”
“What?” His heart raced underneath my ear. “You don’t believe I can be somebody?”
“You already are,” I reassured him. “I love who you are right now.”
“Then why haven’t you formally introduced me to your parents, huh?” Freedom’s voice raised.
“Shh.” I covered his mouth with my hand. “If you keep talking loud, you’re about to meet my parents in the worst way.”
He removed my hand. “Kody told me he met your father.”
“Lori and I were together. Kody was outside the school, too, waiting for you when my father picked me up, and for some asinine reason, Kody waved at him. He didn’t technically meet him. I almost got punished because my father assumed he was my boyfriend. Why do you keep bringing Kody up? Maybe you only want me because he’s been checking for me?” I poked his side, trying to ease into the conversation that Kody had been pushing up lately. I didn’t like keeping secrets from Freedom, and this was a big one that I wanted to share without it causing a wave of anger and betrayal.
“No, he only made me realize that I needed to step up so I can be someone you’re proud of for your parents to meet.” He shifted so he could look at me. “You’re the only girl I’ve ever loved, and you deserve more than a motherless boy and an abusive father who can’t stay out of trouble. I really don’t blame you if you don’t want your peeps to meet me.”
Sighing loudly, I propped my chin up on my elbows. “Why don’t you believe me when I say my father doesn’t want me to date anyone until I finish high school? I did bring you up to him.He doesn’t like that you’ve been in trouble, but he also wouldn’t like you if you were the poster child for a good boyfriend. He’s paranoid because of the hell my sister put him through over some boy, and she didn’t go to college because of love.” I kissed his soft lips. “He did agree that I could go to the prom with a boy since I did get accepted at Texas Southern.”
Freedom slowly smiled. “Is that your way of saying you’ll go with me if I ask?”
My heart thundered. “Are you asking?”
