We pulled up to Mrs. Gills’ crib moments later. A blind man could see how we weren’t fuckin’ with each other. I wanted to go in his mouth as I did before but opted out of it. Puttin’ my hands on him solved nothin.
The thought of him puttin’ me out easily faded; however, he wasn’t leaving there without tellin’ me what was really happenin’. Somethin’ was wrong, and he was in protective mode. That was sensed.
Mrs. Gills opened the door with a smile on her face, but her eyes held concern. I put a smile on mine as well, no matter how fake it was.
“Hey, baby. How are you?” she asked.
“Truthfully, I’m a ball of emotions right now, and he isn’t happy about it. He’s been jumpy since yesterday afternoon,” I answered while rubbing my belly.
“Come in and have some tea with me. We can talk about it,” she suggested.
I nodded but asked for a few minutes to myself. I trusted Mrs. Gills, but my problem was with her grandson. He needed to hear me first.
I made my way up to the guest bedroom we occupied on our previous visit. I sat on the bed and continued to rub on my stomach to calm my child down. The constant movement and hard kicks were starting to hurt.
Removing my sandals, I got comfortable and added deep breaths in the rotation. Closing my eyes, I tried to get him to relax by singing. Beyoncé’s “Dangerously in Love” came to mind.
“I am in love with you, you set me free. I can’t do this thing called life without you here with me. ’Cause I’m dangerously in love with you. I’ll never leave just, just keep loving me the way I love you, loving me.”
“Is that how you feel, mama?”
My eyes popped open as I jumped. His steps were unheard, so I was startled. Gettin’ our child to relax had me in a peaceful zone for a minute.
“Shit! You scared me,” I cursed while holding my chest to calm my irregular breathing down.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized.
He walked over and got comfortable behind me. The attitude I had left the second the connection of my back to his chest was made. I felt at ease.
My love for that man made me want to cry sometimes. It made no sense how good it felt just to be connected to him. Those lyrics were sung to my son but expressed how I felt about Christian to a T.
We sat wrapped up in each other’s arms, enjoying one another before a conversation was started.
“Your wife wants you back. She’s coming for my head in two days. I need you and my son somewhere I know you won’t betouched.” He stopped talking and tightened the grip he had on my waist. “If I lose you or my son?—”
“And if I lose you, then what? Christian, we need you. Please don’t make me do this alone.” I burst into tears and sobbed uncontrollably.
“Calm down, mama. I’m not goin’ nowhere,” he reassured me.
Alexis was hurting me, even during our separation. Why couldn’t the bitch just leave me the fuck alone?
Gills
Journei was afraid of losing me as I was of losing her. My son was in her womb. Plus, my soul was tied to hers. It didn’t get any deeper than that. The love I had for that woman was far more dangerous than any assault I had in store for her wife.
I held her, but the tears she released hurt me. The pain and worry could be felt through her sobs.
I wasn’t leaving my family behind for nobody else to love except me. I had them by any means necessary, and killing Alexis was necessary.
The last time I cried was when my granny thought she would lose me to the streets. The way she prayed and begged God to change me low key broke me. But the tears Journei Noelle Evans brought out of me were different.
I was attached to the life we created and addicted to the life we were building. Every life I was to take from Alexis on forward would be for them. No one else mattered except them. They came before any and all.
“Mama, I promise you will never have to do anything alone. When I leave, understand I’ll be coming home to both of y’all,” I said and placed my hand on top of her stomach. My son kicked, bringing a smile to my face.
A subtle nod, kiss on my left bicep, and squeeze of the hand from her relaxed me. Thinking of the negatives presented my sensitive side. Reaching over to the nightstand, I grabbed a Kleenex for us both to clean our faces.
A comfortable silence surrounded us as we sat wrapped around each other’s limbs. My next topic would change the atmosphere, but it was a conversation that needed to be held. I gave her a minute to get herself together.
